I have some wonderful new tattoos on my ass by the incredible Cris Cleen, who I love, and I posted a picture of them on twitter, which got many favorable comments but there were two negative ones, and I blew a fucking gasket. I screamed out loud and tracked the perps down and blocked them, but not before really ramming it to them in the strongest language I could use. It was over the top and really kind of ridiculous, but I cannot help myself.
Some outside facebook observer said that my “language” was too much and told me that I had “lost a fan” because she couldn’t condone my “language”. I am sorry for that, as I love my fans, and it sucks to lose one, but obviously she doesn’t understand that when you grow up the way that I did, with kids at school throwing rocks at my face because they hated it because it was so ugly to them and they wanted the blood from my wounds to cover it so it wouldn’t have to be seen and at summer camps stuffed dog shit in my sleeping bag because I was told time and again that I looked like shit – and that I had to empty myself in the dark forest and still sleep in smelling that shit all that night and for weeks after because my family was too poor to afford a new one, my “language” is on the strong side. I apologize for offending the former fan, but I am only myself. That is all I can be, and if I must apologize for that, I don’t mind. All I am trying to say is that no young girl should be told she is ugly. If she is, you kill her spirit, and she may grow up like me, and lose a fan.
I grew up hard and am still hard and I don’t care. I did not choose this face or this body and I have learned to live with it and love it and celebrate it and adorn it with tremendous drawings from the greatest artists in the world and I feel good and powerful like a nation that has never been free and now after many hard won victories is finally fucking free. I am beautiful and I am finally fucking free.
I fly my flag of self esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were ‘different’ and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.
If you were raised lovingly and told you were perfect and beautiful and loved and the best at all things, I am just jealous. You had it much better, and so you really should spread that love around as opposed to judging those like me who never had that, never knew what it was like and never could even imagine it. I could learn from you instead of feeling judged by you. Give the less loved and less cared for and less treasured a chance. If I had that opportunity, then my language and attitude might not be so offensive. If I had been told once when I was a little girl that I was pretty (other than when I was being sexually molested – that doesn’t count) it might have made me nicer. It just didn’t happen. So I had to make do and make up for it myself. And that made me a bit on the edgy side. It made me a bit of a bitch.
When someone says something negative about my face or body I will always and forever just completely lose my shit, because I have so much hatred in me, a violence that lies just beneath the surface of my delightfully illustrated skin. Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness and my image of myself as stunningly gorgeous with a ruthlessness and a defensiveness that I fear for anyone who casually or jokingly questions it, as my anger and rage combined with my intense and fearsome command of words create insults meant to maim, kill and destroy.
Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road. I take the low road and blows below the belt are my absolute favorite. The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge. My mouth and mind and typing fingers are weapons of mass destruction and I pity those ignorant idiots who would leave insults about mine or any women’s bodies in comment boxes because there’s ways of hunting people down. Lots and lots of ways. It’s not as anonymous as they think, as stupid as they are.
I’d like to say things that would haunt them for the rest of their days, because their hideous words stay with me eternally. Their insipid spouts of “no fat chicks” are branded onto my soul, so they must reap what they sow. If I am in my worst way and I talk to you, you will know you have been talked to. I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it’s just the way this life has made me.
I want to defend the children that we still are inside, the fragile sensitive souls who no matter how much we tried were still told we were not good enough. I want to make the world safe and better and happy for us. We deserve beauty, love, respect, admiration, kindness and compassion. If we don’t get it, there will be hell to pay. I am no saint, but I am here for you and me. I am here for us, and I am doing the best I can.
I loved you when you were heavier. I love you now. I thought you were even more fucking awesome when I found out you bellydanced. And cover all of you in ink if that’s what you wanna do. Loveyouloveyouloveyou just cuz you are who you are.
Margaret–thank you for being brave. You empower women, shit, ALL people who feel disenfranchised…you give them hope. That is no small thing. I love you for that…women need to stick up for each other.
Btw…I sat and looked at the new tat on your ass for a looooong time….and enjoyed it. 😉
LOVE the new tats. And fuck the haters.
Margaret, I have loved you from the first stand-up bit I ever saw you do (some douchebag saying something about \fuckin’ Chinos\ and you said you didn’t know whether or not to be offended because you weren’t sure if he was racist or just really fashion conscious). You are brave. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. I admire the hell out of you. 🙂
I haven’t always followed your career, but I just read this article on Jezebel and felt compelled to say… um, you’re not ugly. You said you were born with “this face” and didn’t choose it, and I totally GET that what you’re saying is that because of how you suffered as a kid (which I understand, having been dubbed Porky Pig for my middle school years, a name that more clearly defined my sense of self than any success I may have had) you see yourself that way. But in all the years I’ve known of you, I never once thought you weren’t pretty. If you said you were fat, even if you weren’t, well, I felt like we were kindred spirits, and I “got” you. I know it won’t help you for me to say it, but I felt compelled to: you’re actually a good looking chick. And I like the new tattoo.
You’re cute ass makes that tattoo look good….love it!!
My opinion of you should never be more important than your opinion of you. That said, I think you are beautiful, I think you are funny and I think you are awesome.
Had I time macine, I would go back in time, and find your younger self, and tell her this. Which, upon reflection, is probably a bit creepy, so it is just as well I don’t have a time machine.
This is so beautifully and articulately written and it makes me so happy to know that you are, by far, one of my favorite comediennes and feminists. As a fat girl who has found a wonderful man who loves me and finds strength in my power as a woman, it is always so great to hear others affirming who I am and what I think.
Thank you, Margaret Cho…for your beauty, inside and out.
*I love LOVE love your sleeves and one day I WILL have a half sleeve. I just started it and it’s small but it will happen!*
I wasn’t really a fan of yours before (I don’t follow comedians really) I read about your tirade on lifehacker and became one just now.
As someone who was bullied for most of my childhood I find that your words resonate with me in so many ways. As I grew up I found myself sick of just taking the punishment and being patient for the world to accept me. When someone lashes out at me I retaliate with a force meant to to destroy that person. Bullies only seem to come to grips with reality when they are hit back three times as hard. The high road is bullshit. It’s a nice sounding, storybook way of dealing with things that work only in fairy tales.
So yeah, hearing your plight and reflecting on my own childhood experiences while reading yours made me sound off with a resounding “Fuckin A.”
i was big my entire childhood, and though they weren’t as terrible to me, the words still hurt. if only little-me could have you in her life to tell her these wonderful words. i am so grateful we have women like you for future girls (and boys) to look up to. thank you for your never ending courage, words of love, and cho-ness 🙂
ps. the tattoo is hot!
You Cho girl!
Awesome. As someone who was bullied as a child, the perpetual new kid from a dysfunctional family, I say awesome. And thank you.
Margaret, I had the chance to shoot a quick portrait of you at Bonnaroo a couple of years ago. We chatted for a bit about our respective tattoos.
I have to say that you are a very beautiful person both inside and out from what experience I have had with you. Don’t worry about what a couple of idiots have to say.
You’re the real deal. Stay that way.
You have an incredible face and body! And the tat is awesome. Screw ’em. Not everyone has to get it.
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” Winston Churchill
Never stop standing up for yourself.
I just want you to know that I have always loved you!! I think your tats are awesome..YOU are adorable…and you empower me and soooo many other women that went through abusive lives! You keep doing what you are doing girl! <3 Love you lots!
Thank you, Margaret. Thank you for saying it for all of us who have been damaged by those cruel words and deeds. I have always had a deep admiration for you, and it has become even deeper after reading this.
Thank you for saying all the things I’ve always wanted to say.
I didn’t really know who you were prior to reading this article on jezebel and now that I have I want to say I think you are so awesome! I really love what you are saying here and can totally relate you are a badass so please keep on keepin’ on and shitting on haters!
Much Love,
Newest Fan!
The tattoo and the butt is gorgeous. But your article is even better.
much love.
I wasn’t a big fan before, but your openess and honesty about yourself, makes you one rockin lady. We should all be so proud of ourselves that we can bare ourselves and our souls.
rock on woman, you are fucking awesome… I’d bore you with all kinds of “happy” bullshit but it wouldn’t help… you is who you is and whether you want to admit it or not more people love you than hate you, to me that’s winning.
First off, this response is truly a labor of love as I’m typing with my bigass thumbs on my phone. Over several tweets I responded to reading this entry by you but as its stilly very much on my mind I feel compelled to write again and perhaps in a place you might actually see it.
I can’t thank you enough for writing this piece. I genuinely cannot. As I read it all I could think was, “holy crap! Here’s someone who can actually understand what it was like to be me!” even down to never hearing you’re beautiful until and unless it was the person molesting you. Wow. I did have an amazingly loving family but they looked nothing like me and couldn’t understand the pain of being Korean in a very very waspy world. You were one of the first Asians I ever watched on TV that wasn’t a charactature. I wanted so badly to be you because I thought you had it all. You had people around you who looked like you. When people said I was slant eyed I truly didn’t understand what they meant. I’ve rooted for your success from the early days because I felt a sense of prideful ownership in every laugh you got, every gig you booked. I saw you and saw beauty, intelligence, talent and drive. I felt hope that maybe I wasn’t a freak and maybe I wasn’t ugly or stupid.
I’ve often told people I thought we could have been twins but people don’t seem to agree. I think now that it’s actually less because we look alike but because I can relate to your spirit in many ways.
Thank you for bringing fire and light to the issue of self worth, the issue of race, the issue of gender and gender identity. Thank you for using your angst and anger to educate and encourage those still struggling with the malicious evil that still exists today.
Thank you for being you and for allowing us to join you in your journey.
I love you for using the energy from all you personal pain and anguish and anger to lift up and defend all women and girls. THANK YOU.
I seriously love you so much. That is all.
I read this about 15 minutes after coming back from elective surgery on my fucking face because I didn’t like how I looked anymore. Huge bandage, smell of burning flesh still lingering about. And all because I got myself into the most stupid situation… See, last year I started hanging around with the \big name\ fans of a big international celebrity, and I was younger than them but judged significantly fatter and uglier and, therefore, worthless. These fans think the celebrity wants only pretty female fans, and I guess he’s been dismissive of certain fans because of their looks. Plus he dates overtanned overbleached Pepsodent commercials half his age, so there’s pressure to look nice \for\ this guy if we’re going to be seen at his concerts… It sounds crazy when I type it out. No, I’ll be honest — I KNEW it was crazy all along. But this happened just as I turned 40 (the age women become invisible) and I grew up being ostracized for my looks. Like you, when I tell people nowadays they don’t believe me because they see my pictures, they think I was cute as a kid. I probably was, but the kids and teachers at school didn’t think so, and I paid for their judgements. I’m easily swayed by all the slams even as an adult, and I’ve been doing stupid shit ever since joining up with these \big name\ fans because of it.
No more stupid shit.
Margaret, you’re wonderful. That tat is gorgeous, and you are both sane and beautiful, but I don’t even need to tell you that because you already know. Thank you.
lost one fan, perhaps, but gained how many? you keep on doing as you do, margaret. the world is better for it.
I think this is the first time I’ve ever logged in to post on somebody’s site. This posting made me need to. I’m a heavy guy pretty much my whole life and got some bullying. Nothing compared to what you went through. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for unleashing the kraken on the haters. Thanks so much for your words and comedy. You’re a beautiful woman. Great ink work too.
Margaret Cho- To me, you are perfect.
I’ve always had a girl crush on you, and this just illustrates why. I love that you are so unabashadly bold. You say the things I scream inside and that makes you my hero. You are what beauty should be, real. Thank god for women like you.
You are so awesome, as a woman and as an Asian-American. You really inspire people who sometimes start to believe the shit people say to them. Thank you so much for this post.
Gained a fan here.
ya know what’s really bugging me about all this? the leaves! the ones on the left sorta get lost in the silhouetted face. a little bit of negative space would have solved that. 😉
now that i’m done nit-picking, i’ll say this; Margaret, you’re a fucking spazz!!! and i say that with the utmost love and respect. XOXOXO
oh! and any time you’re in the seattle area, i’ll tattoo you for FREE! and i’m a stunningly beautiful man. i mean, a regular fuckin’ adonis, over here!
seriously, though! free tattoos… and i’m good at it! you tell the jokes, i’ll make the killer pictures.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Margaret, that picture is WAY too hot for the internet. And now my pants are on fire.
That aside, I’m starting to realize that an awful lot of us have been told repeatedly over the years how “unlovable” we are. It’s oddly comforting to know I’m not alone here, as much as the concept breaks my heart.
And seriously, what the fuck is it with pedophiles telling you how pretty you are while they’re molesting you as if you didn’t notice something HORRIFYING was going on?!
You have gained a fan. Thank you for writing this.
I love you. You are awesome. I’m sure you will gain more fans with this post than you lost with the other. It just goes to show how everyone sees something different, because to me your face is nice to look at. Your words make me feel happy in my skin, and you have no idea what kind of a gift that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please don’t ever lose your “bitch” The rest of us need to hear it sometimes, and those jerks? They really need to hear it all the time.
Also you have awesome underwear, and the ink is nice too!
holy shit… i’m in complete awe of this post. you completely hit the nail on the head about how i feel and how i imagine so many, many other women feel. for the past four years my low self-esteem has driven me to thinking about killing myself more than actually living. as i sit here, the heaviest i’ve been my entire life with a bad new haircut, you managed to make me feel better than years of therapy have ever accomplished. also, this was BRILLIANTLY written, easily one of the best things i’ve read in a long time. if there were a way i could give you a standing ovation or some sort of award, i would, but i think your admirable sense of self-worth is reward enough.
plus, you’re really, sincerely gorgeous. i mean that with every ounce of honesty in my heart. those tats are freaking awesome, and you make them look even better.
You’ve gained a fan! I f*cking love you for this!
Dear Margaret,
Some day when I get my “revenge for hire” business going i would love to have you on staff.
Think Charlies angels.
But WAY fucking darker.
Glad you admit that you have this anger/rage/temper under the surface, but even if you embrace it, and are comfortable with it, it’s destroying your beauty, lovely.
Going on 40, abused, used and refused, I, too, have a great deal of anger. Doesn’t help that as a black woman that’s the only emotion society pegs to me. But I’ve learned that it’s caustic. As acidic as some of the harshest chemicals out there. I can’t even own it anymore because it’s so damaging.
I hear you loud and crystal clear but I hope you let it go. Anger is so beneath your value.
Margaret – you are beautiful. They are petty little thieves trying to steal your light. Shine on brilliant woman. And your anger needs no excuse or explanation. Neither does your smile.
I love you and think you’re fabulous and funny and have been a fan forever. It makes me sad that the people who made you feel bad still are. I know from anger and when I am angry, the asshole making me angry is winning.
BRAVAAAAAA! I know you can’t see me, but I am fucking giving you a standing ovation right now. THANK YOU for standing up to all of those assholes out there.
Shit yeah Margaret Cho. You fucking rock those haters.
You’re amazing. I’m amazing. My daughter is amazing. My ass that looks like a potato after having four kids is amazing. The mere fact that we have our health is good fortune enough to not waste our time hating our bodies, but rather feel good about ourselves, and our good fortune.
I wasted many, too many years trying to whittle myself down to nothing and being told I looked “sexy” or “good”. Why? Because of self hate. I didn’t feel good, and I definitely wasn’t feeling “sexy”. I was feeling angry.
Let’s just celebrate a healthy ass. A great tattoo. A happy person. A strong funny woman who has a head full of great brains and a heart filled with a story.
Standing ovation for you. Your ass. Your potty mouth and your willingness to kick some ass.
love is, as love does.
xo
You may have lost a few “twits,” but when I saw this reposted on another site….you’ve gained a new fan. THANK YOU for saying what you did.
From growing up posing for art classes, I can tell you that it is true: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Conventional beauty is no indicator of intrinsic happiness. And beauty can change in an instant – one reckless driver when you’re in the way it’s gone, so you’d better have something else inside to keep you strong in the knowledge that you are more than the body you live in. And as for the haters? Fuck ’em. With all the foul language you can muster.
You go, Cho!
That was fuckin’ cathartic. Funny=Hot, Kinky=Hot
I always thought you really hot!
Thank you for giving me hope