I have some wonderful new tattoos on my ass by the incredible Cris Cleen, who I love, and I posted a picture of them on twitter, which got many favorable comments but there were two negative ones, and I blew a fucking gasket. I screamed out loud and tracked the perps down and blocked them, but not before really ramming it to them in the strongest language I could use. It was over the top and really kind of ridiculous, but I cannot help myself.
Some outside facebook observer said that my “language” was too much and told me that I had “lost a fan” because she couldn’t condone my “language”. I am sorry for that, as I love my fans, and it sucks to lose one, but obviously she doesn’t understand that when you grow up the way that I did, with kids at school throwing rocks at my face because they hated it because it was so ugly to them and they wanted the blood from my wounds to cover it so it wouldn’t have to be seen and at summer camps stuffed dog shit in my sleeping bag because I was told time and again that I looked like shit – and that I had to empty myself in the dark forest and still sleep in smelling that shit all that night and for weeks after because my family was too poor to afford a new one, my “language” is on the strong side. I apologize for offending the former fan, but I am only myself. That is all I can be, and if I must apologize for that, I don’t mind. All I am trying to say is that no young girl should be told she is ugly. If she is, you kill her spirit, and she may grow up like me, and lose a fan.
I grew up hard and am still hard and I don’t care. I did not choose this face or this body and I have learned to live with it and love it and celebrate it and adorn it with tremendous drawings from the greatest artists in the world and I feel good and powerful like a nation that has never been free and now after many hard won victories is finally fucking free. I am beautiful and I am finally fucking free.
I fly my flag of self esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were ‘different’ and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.
If you were raised lovingly and told you were perfect and beautiful and loved and the best at all things, I am just jealous. You had it much better, and so you really should spread that love around as opposed to judging those like me who never had that, never knew what it was like and never could even imagine it. I could learn from you instead of feeling judged by you. Give the less loved and less cared for and less treasured a chance. If I had that opportunity, then my language and attitude might not be so offensive. If I had been told once when I was a little girl that I was pretty (other than when I was being sexually molested – that doesn’t count) it might have made me nicer. It just didn’t happen. So I had to make do and make up for it myself. And that made me a bit on the edgy side. It made me a bit of a bitch.
When someone says something negative about my face or body I will always and forever just completely lose my shit, because I have so much hatred in me, a violence that lies just beneath the surface of my delightfully illustrated skin. Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness and my image of myself as stunningly gorgeous with a ruthlessness and a defensiveness that I fear for anyone who casually or jokingly questions it, as my anger and rage combined with my intense and fearsome command of words create insults meant to maim, kill and destroy.
Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road. I take the low road and blows below the belt are my absolute favorite. The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge. My mouth and mind and typing fingers are weapons of mass destruction and I pity those ignorant idiots who would leave insults about mine or any women’s bodies in comment boxes because there’s ways of hunting people down. Lots and lots of ways. It’s not as anonymous as they think, as stupid as they are.
I’d like to say things that would haunt them for the rest of their days, because their hideous words stay with me eternally. Their insipid spouts of “no fat chicks” are branded onto my soul, so they must reap what they sow. If I am in my worst way and I talk to you, you will know you have been talked to. I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it’s just the way this life has made me.
I want to defend the children that we still are inside, the fragile sensitive souls who no matter how much we tried were still told we were not good enough. I want to make the world safe and better and happy for us. We deserve beauty, love, respect, admiration, kindness and compassion. If we don’t get it, there will be hell to pay. I am no saint, but I am here for you and me. I am here for us, and I am doing the best I can.
This is just a great, great post. As women we’re not supposed to get angry. Fuck that.
I freaking LOVE YOU Margaret Cho! Thank you! From behind the anonymity of their keyboards, people feel so comfortable slicing and dicing people who have the courage to put themselves out there and do what they don’t. They need to be held accountable and made to understand that there are real repercussions to cyber-harassment/bullying. Btw – new ink looks amazing.
And you’ve gained another fan. thanks.
Bullying the Bullies is a perfectly noble way of life. You should be as proud of yourself as I am of you.
You’re gorgeous, funny, edgy, and sexy as all get out. You’ve lost one fan and in that instant gained many more fans all the while showing everyone that you can be angry about the past and make your own present.
Love you.
+ getting angry totally makes sense. People who say things like that are looking to snuff out your light (usually out of jealousy). They are trying to shame women into submission until they are merely shadows of their vibrant beautiful selves. They’re literally trying to kill a part of you. I think we need to get angry when we see an insidious sneaky silent killer.
Kudos to you!!
I LOVE YOU! I have been a fan of yours for many many years and this only reinforces what i already knew and believed about you – you are a true warrior, a lover and defender of women, a beautiful heroine for hurt souls accross the globe. Thank all that is right and beautiful about the world for you. And your ass looks absolutely gorgeous in that ink.
Margaret, you beautiful, beautiful woman. Thank you for speaking the truth. Also, nice ass.
This is SO great!!! As someone born in the mid-1950’s, I was trained from early on to just ‘ignore’ (meaning ‘don’t react’) bullies’ attacking me, whether it was an emotional attack or a physical one. But it was like being stabbed and being told to ignore it, not fight back, ignore them & they’ll go away. And you stand there wounded.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s good to hear someone advocate getting angry and fighting back. Hurrah for you having the courage to do that!!!
You just gained a fan in Norway!
You’re great on the inside – and beautiful on the outside.
And yet another new fan.
P.S. Where’d you get the unders in the tattoo pic? Those are awesome!
So you had a tough time growing up and a couple trolls posted something negative about your butt? And after you have lashed out at them the same way they did you (and then some, according to you) you’re now this honorable paragon of virtue that protects all of us and our inner children?
I won’t negatively comment on your appearance, because you’re cute. But intense insecurity, megalomania, and a lack of both self-restraint and shame make you hideous and broken on the inside. No amount of tattoos will cover that up.
So perfectly written. You definitely inspire me and give me and many other women courage to stand up for themselves.
I read this on Jezebel, and I had two comments for you:
1) Rock on! All our bodies are beautiful, I like pointing out that the goddesses of fertility and love from the cultures we all spring from are heavier, and gorgeous!
and
2) Awesome tattoo! I’m glad you chose to share it with us!
That was beautiful. YOU are fucking beautiful. Thank you for posting this.You were absolutely right to be offended. As a fetish model with “curves”, I genuinely felt this. Love you.
I was bullied, beaten, tortured and told how ugly I was by classmates (and my grandmother) for being mixed race and small and then overweight. You are the Queen of Awesome for standing up not only for yourself, but for any woman who has suffered in the same way. I have always loved you, but now I love you even more. Thank you.
You are beautiful and brilliant. Thank you so much for using your super powers for good. I adore you!
You express here what I have always wished to express yet lack both the intelligence and articulateness to do so. Thank you so much. Anyone who would find your reaction ‘excessive’ has quite obviously not endured the annhililative forces of bullying and abuse. Frankly, I admire your restraint…
Rock on, you are my goddess.
Well, *I* think you’re beautiful. And I think you are a role model. I think it’s important for young girls to have several different kinds of role models in order to speak to the different sides of themselves. I am so pissed that you have that anger in you, still, instead of pity for those who don’t get it and I wish I could be the person to say to you every day, EVERY DAY, that you are beautiful in visible ways and in the ways that make you unique and wonderful and precious. I know you know it, but we all need to hear it. I need it daily. You?
What a sad and boring world this would be if we were all size 0 and shaped the same with the same hair, skin, eyes … blech. I love pizza, but I don’t wanna eat it for every meal forever.
I haven’t updated my website in … about three years, but if you ever wanna do an interview I would revisit it for you.
You inspire.
Margaret, thank you! As a woman and a mom to two girls, I appreciate what you’ve said! I’d like to think that I would fight for my daughters my friends and myself with the same veracity and passion, and would hope that they would do the same for me.
Don’t let the cowards sat behind monitors get away with spewing their garbage to make themselves feel better!
You are truly inspiring, and a beautiful woman, on the inside and out.
Thank you so much for this. Just… thank you.
Ms. Cho. I just want to say that I’m moved. It was like seeing a phoenix burst into flame and then rise from its charred and crumbling ashes.
Thank you for speaking your mind. I’m one of those beaten souls you like to champion; beaten and tortured daily by my biological father and step-mother for three years because of a vicious court battle. It’s taken me almost twenty years to get over my debilitating depression enough that I can function on a daily basis.
My rage and hate aren’t like your glittering fireball of fury. It’s more like a tidal wave and takes time to build, so I have formulated a reply by the time someone has insulted me and walked away. I need time to plan what the most destructive course would be. This is why I’m so delighted by your incendiary path across the darkened skies of the internet. You’re throwing off glittering sparks across the black ocean of my soul that the dragon in my heart wants to reach up and keep fluttering forever in his bitter claws.
Thank you Margaret! You are beautiful, and I love that you won’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Fuck the haters. Good for you for standing up… Have loved you and your comedy since b4 All American Girl. San Francisco native fat guy, I know what it’s like growing up teased and abused.
ps. You, Your Ass, Your Tattoos and those panties are all HOT. 🙂
Your ink is beautiful. So are you. New fan.
Thank you Margaret. So meaningful and relevant. I printed this off to share with my niece. Thank you!
Lovin’ you all over again, MC. Thanks for the language and the fire. Inspiration to us all. And love the ink!
Nice tat. Nice bum. Good for you for coming down on the haters. I can understand how you feel, growing up the huge, tall ginourmous lesbian girl. Some people just will not and cn not think
You are beautiful. Some people are blind to real beauty. And although you might not ever be able to make them see it, you can maybe make them shut the f**k up (and/or block them) when they are stupid. I like the tatoos!
I sure do love you Margaret!
Wait, women have rights? I hope no women see this. That’s a joke… women can’t read.
<# Margaret Cho
You are so awesome and BEAUTIFUL!! I have 2 daughters and I worry constantly about them not loving themselves enough, but I can tell you, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t tell them how awesome and beautiful they are.
I will say also that I find this interesting too because I have heard rumblings about how telling your daughters they are beautiful will lead them to place too much value on their physical appearance, but I say screw that! How can I not express that to them when I see their exquisite faces? I also tell them how smart, creative, funny, etc. they are. As their mother it is my JOB to be their champion, always!
Thanks for this, from one Margaret to another!
Margaret Cho, I love you! I cannot believe that people think you are ugly because you are beautiful! It’s a lovely tattoo and i think you’re amazing!
I’ve been there. The abuse, the bullying, being told by your own mother that her child-molesting husband’s paycheck was more important than your own safety. And I was angry… omyyes I was angry. But standing up for myself has always turned out badly, and I don’t mean in a minor way. I would get the shit beat out of me, or raped, or disowned (and as an adult, it was always the same). So I turned, instead, to the passive side. Not fighting back, doing what I could to please my family (or an abusive spouse), so they wouldn’t think I was worthless. Unfortunately, passivity makes one an easy target, and bullies can smell easy targets like a shark can smell blood. It has almost the same effect, too. I’m 50 years old and I’m only now beginning to reclaim my personal power. I just want to thank you. For the words… those angry words… that I could never say, myself. I had always thought you were beautiful. Now, you’re even moreso to me.
This post made me catch my breath.
I actively avoid situations and people and block relentlessly on Twitter and Facebook because I, too, am a person prone to losing my shit when people tell others how to look and how to feel and how only they control their feelings and just being utterly cruel when I do lose it.
I am trapped in an online gilded cage of my own design and feel I have to play nice and it is robbing me of myself. Thank you for saying what I cannot in a far more eloquent way than I ever could.
I’m sorry you lost a fan, but I have to wonder…did your former fan ever see one of your shows? Heard your songs? What kind of a bubble does a fan have to live in to miss that you use ALL the words available, not just the pretty, polite ones? I’m not judging her, I’m just sad that people can’t see that you don’t just attack for yourself, you attack for ALL of us. I appreciate that.
I think you’re beautiful. Absolutely radiant.
Hi Margaret,
Your post touched me deeply. I grew up in a small, wealthy suburb of Seattle. We weren’t rich (we weren’t so much poor, but I was the only person I knew who didn’t have cable). I was morbidly obese through most of school. There entire school, for the most part, consisted of people who enjoyed picking on me, and when I displayed anger (in elementary school) I was (ironically) told that I was the bully. I no longer have a weight issue, and to be honest I’m not particularly mad at the people I went to school with, but they were part of a sick system which elevates people for targeting people who don’t fit in.
One other thing to note. I went to school with one person who was fairly close to the top of the charts when it came to pointing out my weight and ridiculing me. Now, I’ve grown up and I’m pretty successful (all of my jobs have involved software programming at some of the most exclusive software companies in the world), and I have a beautiful Wife and a wonderful child, but I have no platform on which to point out this person who was so mean. I don’t get to have the revenge you speak of (I’m not sure I’d want it, but I know I did at the time). That one person’s name is Joel McHale (we both graduated from Mercer Island High School in 1991). Yes, that Joel McHale. The one who started on Almost Live!, had a cameo in Spiderman 2, did Jack In The Box commercials, hosts “The Soup” and stars in the hit “Community”. He was mean. A lot meaner that the people who responded to you on twitter. Imagine what he does to the Kardashians on “The Soup” every week, but directed to a single fat kid in Elementary-High School, and about sums up how my life was at that time. He wasn’t the only one, but he was the prolific in the way of insults over a long period of time, and certainly the most codescending and showed the most contempt.
As I said, I wouldn’t want revenge, but it’s nice to know that you are out there, as famous as you are, and your message is a big “f*ck you” to people who are like he was to me.
XOX
Beautiful.
I applaud your tenacity and chutzpah! I am not a fan of the use of harsh language; but, sometimes kindness will not be heard, where the shock value of cussing will. So, Bravo! You are a Champion of the Tenderhearted (as am I). One by one, everyone will be valued! Bravo!
Thank you Margaret!
Wow, Margaret, your post (and a lot of the comments) touched a nerve I hadn’t noticed in a very long time. I too was one of those bullied at school and abused at home kids, and I still to this day — and I’m in my early 40s now — have a hard time feeling good about my body. Thank you for standing up and screaming when screaming is needed.
Well if people wouldn’t start BS, you wouldn’t have to use “language” on them. 🙂
Don’t you put up with pieces of crap mocking your body for 5 minutes. You are perfect just the way you are.
This is fucking powerful as all hell, and I loved every word of it!
hey margaret,
you are god damn sexy, smart and funny- the whole package! dont let dickheads get you down.
trans guy in sydney… would be more than happy to show u
exactly how hot u r next time ur in sydney?!
cheers
kev
Oh Margaret, I have been a fan of yours for a long time. I am now an even bigger fan.
Thank you for standing up for yourself so beautifully. We need more women to stand up and serve as an example to girls.
Although you have eloquently proclaimed that you need no one’s acceptance but your own I heartily salute you.
Thanks again for being so fucking funny and so fucking beautiful.
xo
Amen sister! I have been struggling to find the words to say what you just said so brilliantly. I took some of the same abuse growing up. I have been too thin, too fat, too tall, too short, my hair was too nappy, my skin too dark. You name it and someone has said to me. My deadbeat father would even tell me not to eat so much because no one wants a fat girl even if she has a pretty face. I felt horrible growing up but eventually I learned that I didn’t need external validation and learned to start loving myself. What I really appreciate is that you have defended the right of girls like us to always come out swinging. No, we can’t turn the other cheek or be the better person! Thank you for eloquently telling everyone who has told us to “take the high road” that we can’t. We can’t let the bullies and abusers have the last word as we slink away ashamed with our heads down. By the way your ass/ tat looks fabulous and you have a new fan.
i think i want some of this rant tatooed on my body. thanks . a thousand times this.
I applaud you and cool tattoo.
I’ve been a fan for what seems like forever, but now I’m outing myself as one in support of YOU. You are a brilliant, funny, beautiful human being.
whoever said you were ugly back in the day should be shot !
your going great, your beautiful and though i’m not personally into tatoos, i’m sure yours are just fine ^.^
keep up the great work Margaret !!
You HAVE to nuke them. You have to. “Taking the higher road” “Ignoring them so they’ll go away” “Come back home if they won’t play nice” and all that other lah-de-dah mealymouthed bullshit only makes you a collaborator in your own abuse. You slam it to the motherfuckers so that they know now and forever, that it’s NOT safe or okay to fuck with you.
In my fifties and currently struggling with those issues via my inlaws. But at least they’re learning. =)
You’re beautiful and you’re gorgeous and sexy as hell and I’m straight. Gained a new fan to make up for losing Little Miss Nancy Nice. Go, Cho! Fuck ’em!