I have some wonderful new tattoos on my ass by the incredible Cris Cleen, who I love, and I posted a picture of them on twitter, which got many favorable comments but there were two negative ones, and I blew a fucking gasket. I screamed out loud and tracked the perps down and blocked them, but not before really ramming it to them in the strongest language I could use. It was over the top and really kind of ridiculous, but I cannot help myself.
Some outside facebook observer said that my “language” was too much and told me that I had “lost a fan” because she couldn’t condone my “language”. I am sorry for that, as I love my fans, and it sucks to lose one, but obviously she doesn’t understand that when you grow up the way that I did, with kids at school throwing rocks at my face because they hated it because it was so ugly to them and they wanted the blood from my wounds to cover it so it wouldn’t have to be seen and at summer camps stuffed dog shit in my sleeping bag because I was told time and again that I looked like shit – and that I had to empty myself in the dark forest and still sleep in smelling that shit all that night and for weeks after because my family was too poor to afford a new one, my “language” is on the strong side. I apologize for offending the former fan, but I am only myself. That is all I can be, and if I must apologize for that, I don’t mind. All I am trying to say is that no young girl should be told she is ugly. If she is, you kill her spirit, and she may grow up like me, and lose a fan.
I grew up hard and am still hard and I don’t care. I did not choose this face or this body and I have learned to live with it and love it and celebrate it and adorn it with tremendous drawings from the greatest artists in the world and I feel good and powerful like a nation that has never been free and now after many hard won victories is finally fucking free. I am beautiful and I am finally fucking free.
I fly my flag of self esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were ‘different’ and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.
If you were raised lovingly and told you were perfect and beautiful and loved and the best at all things, I am just jealous. You had it much better, and so you really should spread that love around as opposed to judging those like me who never had that, never knew what it was like and never could even imagine it. I could learn from you instead of feeling judged by you. Give the less loved and less cared for and less treasured a chance. If I had that opportunity, then my language and attitude might not be so offensive. If I had been told once when I was a little girl that I was pretty (other than when I was being sexually molested – that doesn’t count) it might have made me nicer. It just didn’t happen. So I had to make do and make up for it myself. And that made me a bit on the edgy side. It made me a bit of a bitch.
When someone says something negative about my face or body I will always and forever just completely lose my shit, because I have so much hatred in me, a violence that lies just beneath the surface of my delightfully illustrated skin. Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness and my image of myself as stunningly gorgeous with a ruthlessness and a defensiveness that I fear for anyone who casually or jokingly questions it, as my anger and rage combined with my intense and fearsome command of words create insults meant to maim, kill and destroy.
Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road. I take the low road and blows below the belt are my absolute favorite. The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge. My mouth and mind and typing fingers are weapons of mass destruction and I pity those ignorant idiots who would leave insults about mine or any women’s bodies in comment boxes because there’s ways of hunting people down. Lots and lots of ways. It’s not as anonymous as they think, as stupid as they are.
I’d like to say things that would haunt them for the rest of their days, because their hideous words stay with me eternally. Their insipid spouts of “no fat chicks” are branded onto my soul, so they must reap what they sow. If I am in my worst way and I talk to you, you will know you have been talked to. I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it’s just the way this life has made me.
I want to defend the children that we still are inside, the fragile sensitive souls who no matter how much we tried were still told we were not good enough. I want to make the world safe and better and happy for us. We deserve beauty, love, respect, admiration, kindness and compassion. If we don’t get it, there will be hell to pay. I am no saint, but I am here for you and me. I am here for us, and I am doing the best I can.
Margaret Cho, you are beautiful no matter what anybody says. You have your voice through this blog to prove it. But girl, don’t prove yourself to anybody but yourself. No need. Much love!
Your honesty is beautiful and your public ownership of your actions are honourable. I was online when you were having your tweet revenge. I was surprised by what you were saying but I did not run, wish to point a finger or anything else other than wonder about the why of it. Your most eloquent “why” as explained in this post makes me a bigger fan!
People can be shocked by ‘bad language’ all they want; the worst kind of language can be flowery and nice on paper (ie. “you are ugly”), there aren’t any swear words or taboo words… but its the worst kind of ‘language’ possible. What you did isn’t lashing out, it’s defending yourself and other people who are put down; we’re under attack so it’s normal to fight the fuck back. The Sugababes’ song Ugly is great for when i’m feeling all this.
if only ALL women had the BALLS and POWERFUL VOICE you do!!!
whenever i see u… if one day i have the pleasure…. i will DEFINITELY BOW in respect to u…
u r what i call “FODA” –> brazilian portuguese for “the shit”
yours always,
Lícia
Dear Margaret,
Thank you for going ape shit on haters. You are a brave, fearless woman, and I admire you so much. Our childhoods suffer many unfortunate parallels, and when you began your rant, I knew why. WE childhood survivors understand you. You have our love and support.
With Love,
Aimee
I’m really surprised that such people would claim to be your “fan”s in the first place. Obviously they didn’t get it, and they didn’t get you. You’re definitely better off without them. Your digital world is a community of people who resonate with your words, and we’re better off without the haters, too.
Thank you for your post and for your words.
Anyone daft enough to be offended by your ‘language’ needs to get out more.
All power to you.
What you have said here really, truly resonates with me. I have been called ugly most of my life by peers, and even as a child, had my body made fun of by adults. I was extremely skinny, has thick glasses, and braces. Teachers looked the other way while I was bullied, and one guy even yelled across teh classroom that I was so ugly I should kill myself, and the teacher did not even bat an eye. Those words have made me rough and angry too.
If I wasnt called ugly, grown women in my family would sneer at me and tell me how someday my weight will catch up to me, and when it eventually did, I felt like inside they were laughing at me while my grandmother made comments about how fat I was, and how ruined my body looked with tattoos.
Tattoos make me feel pretty. My body will change and it will never be for the better as I age, but the story and artwork on my body will forever be meaningful, and I think you are beautiful inside and out. You help me feel better about myself on bad days. Thank you for being you.
Congratulations on your beautiful new tattoo, Margaret! I would love to get tattooed by Cris Cleen myself. And the placement is perfect. You have such an impressive collection of tattoos and more importantly they fit so well on your body. It truly is as if they have always been there. Sometimes I wonder if people who are already inclined to be ignorant and cruel about body matters are twice as motivated when there are tattoos involved. To me, it is not your body those people can’t handle; it is your confidence and pride in displaying your artwork as an expression of your innermost self. Who, by the way, has more than earned her right to use verbal language to defend the visual. Thanks for your blogs, and keep them coming!
Dear Margaret-
I also did not know the background for your tweets the other day but knew it had to be some serious stuff for you to be so angry about it. I too carry a lot of anger around with me for numerous reasons. Growing up with a bullying mother, the inequalities of being a gay man among 2 if the biggest things. I have been told many times about this anger but like you, I tend to express it verbally as well and feel the need to let the target have it! It always amazes me when people are shocked by the “language” that a very outspoken person like yourself uses often, whether it’s in your act, or blog. Haven’t they been paying any attention? I’ve got a foul mouth too and that’s just who I am. I don’t apologize for it and those that know me don’t expect me too. You took the high road by apologizing to that person for which I commend you. By being honest and truly putting yourself out there you are giving others strength including myself, and for that u thank you deeply. You are one bad ass woman and a true humanitarian in my book. Sending you much love and thanks!
Dear Margaret-
I understand your concerns completely and I remember writing something a few years venting my emotions about it and I want to share it with you. You may choose to read it or not, but, I simply wanted you to know that I will forever be your fan and supporter.
-Meagan
Before I begin however, I feel it best to post my usual disclaimer in regard to anything I write. IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED IN THE SLIGHTEST WAY DO NOT…I REPEAT…DO NOT READ THIS!
It has been requested of me that I elaborate upon my status of my lack of fondness for the word, \too.\ After some recent dating or quasi-dating misadventures I have surmised that they all boil down to the word \too.\
Friday night…mare. The gentleman in particular (and I use the term extremely loosely) was 25….going on 17! He cooked us dinner you would think hey showing some promise but no! He cooked frozen pizza and no it wasn’t DiGiorno people. He didn’t offer me anything to drink until I was almost finished and what did he offer? Wait for it……..KOOL-AID!!! OH YEAH!!! If the Kool-Aid guy would have busted in at that point I would have run away with him. We haven’t even gotten to the best part yet he point blank asked-no scratch that-stated in a declarative manner as to what he was expecting to \receive.\ To which I told him no and that I had a busy day the next day and though it was \nice\ to meet him, he needed to lose my number.
I just needed to get that one off my chest now onto to new business. Not allowing that situation to hold me back socially I began talks with another gentleman. He showed a great deal of promise he was 36, sincerely interested in my brain, and gainfully employed (winning combination eh?). Well as with any possible prospect I like to notify them of what exactly to expect. I’m outspoken and honest. Apparently for this man…I was too much. So much so, that my frank and earthy way of speaking on just about every topic was what led him to say that I was \too masculine\ for him. TOO MASCULINE? WTF?! (I’m sorry Pafford…all that hard work for all those years for nothing.) Not only that but I had issues and needed help. So let’s add that \TOO\ to my collection of why my relationships don’t work out.
1. Too Masculine-apparently being a strong, forthright, and candid woman makes me butch so I guess I should just go full-on Boys Don’t Cry and learn to pee standing up.
2. Too Loud-well no shit Sherlock!!! Contrary to popular belief I can whisper. At times I’m loud. Kinda can’t help it people…look at the gene pool. It runs in the family.
3. Too opinionated…well excuse me for being well-read, articulate, and for actually watching the news! I like to be informed and if someone asks me my thoughts on a certain subject I will voice them.
4. Too brazen…I’m a shameless hussy that lives for every moment! I’d like to think of myself as a charming combination of Holly Golightly, Samantha Jones, and Wild West saloon girl.
5. Too smart for my own good…well I’m sorry I get really frustrated of having to dumb myself down sometimes to endear myself to someone. If you can’t handle it strap on the helmet and harness and quit wasting my time.
6. Too fat….the old classic. Listen people, I hate to disappoint you but I’m comfortable in my own skin. It took me a long time to reach this point and some unconventional means to get there. I’m thick and proportionate and proud of what I’ve been given. And for those of you who turn your nose up at us ladies with some bounce to our ounce, you would be surprised with what we can bring to the table. Still if you wish to continue being assholes toward me and my fellow ladies with curves, allow me to say on behalf of all of us out there. KISS OUR FAT ASSES!!!
So in conclusion, for those of you gentlemen who think I’m too this, too that, and too much, have you given any consideration to the thought that maybe you’re just NOT ENOUGH?!?!
BURN!!!!
The ability to respond to insults in any other way than embarassment shows maturity and self-love. I think everyone secretly wishes they could be that self-confident, so keep standing up for yourself – it might be someone’s guiding light.
On a lighter note, I’d never fuck with any queen bitchier than I am, so rock out girl.
Margaret- I’m sorry this fucked up world has been so cruel to you. No one deserves such ugliness. But please remember that there are people that love you for who you are. I, for one, have always had more respect for those who have dealt with adversity. I can’t relate to the “beautiful” people who’ve had everything handed to them. I’d rather not interact with them at all. They just don’t get what real life is all about. And I have no time for them. To me, people who’ve suffered are more beautiful, interesting, and respected. I’ve always liked you, and the more I learn about your history…the more I respect you…. the more interesting you become… and the more beauty in you I see. You’re one of the very few humans on this piece of shit planet I’d actually like to hang out with. That’s saying a lot, coming from this misanthrope. Don’t ever change. xox
you are my fucking hero.
I saw your tweets as they were happening. Good for you defending yourself. Your celebrity status should not make you have to tailor your words to some moron. Your reply above is well crafted, heartfelt and honest. I applaud you and everything you do. I also sometimes wish you could see how beautiful you are. I know I do.
Grown ups sometimes use grown up language. I will be forever baffled as to why any adult ever has the energy to be offended by \bad\ words. It’s superstitious medieval bullshit.
Cussing is not bad. What the haters said is bad.
Margaret,
Your words bring back so many memories of times when i thought i couldn’t bare to live another moment. When all i could think was, “why me?” Why am i the one they chose to hurt with their words of hate and ridicule. Being the fat kid is hard enough.. but being the gay fat kid is just torturous. Being called a faggot and cock sucker before i even knew what i was! Then to come home to a house of alcohol, drug, physical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse.. it was just too much. Then we grow up.
As adults trying to cope with this crazy life, it’s hard enough for “normal” people. But it’s like we have to work that much harder to make up for the emotional deficiencies of our childhood. Carrying with us the mental image of this horrible person who is unworthy of being loved. Then when you do find someone who might actually love us, it’s self sabotage. Becuase how could we believe THEY could possible love US?? Not knowing what it is to be loved, how can we even know how to give that love back in turn?
Recently being diagnosed as being HIV positive has felt like being in a car crash and realizing I’m still alive. I’m here physically, but mentally it’s like the world has stopped spinning. Trying to find a gay man to love is hard enough, but trying to find one that is also ok with me being poz narrows that search so much more. However, through all of this there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Learning and evolving to realize that this is not the end, but rather a new beginning.
So Margaret, you say what ever the FUCK you want to say to get these ASSHOLES to listen.. We are beautifully awesome and worthy of being loved!! Im such a homo, but my all time favorite quote is from Moulin Rouge.. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” It’s a daily struggle, but one that is worth it in the end. I love you Margaret and I truly thank you for being the fantasticly wonderful person that you are.. I literally drove almost ten hours just to see you, and i had to be at work the next morning. lol. SO WORTH IT!! LOVE LOVE LOVE. You inspire me to love myself more.. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Hector (a forever fan)
Sweet Lady Margaret – you are an inspiration just as you are! Always have been, from my limited recollection. I’ve been shamed into modestly tempering my visionary capabilities since age 14, and only recently realized that I can say all the big and small things I have on my mind, and feel comfortable unnerving some people, because people need to be unnerved! It’s how we gauge what’s important to us.
You are one of the woman Sheroes of my soul.
I got you on my spiritual counsel – along with Anais Nin, Ghandi, Shirley MacLaine and Alanis. I sometimes ask myself … What Would Cho Do!?
She’d just fucking say it.
LOVE YOU and all you do.
ps. wanna make-out??
Thank you for your honesty. Growing up in the south as a half Korean child, I had to suffer being called ugly just because I looked different with my “slanty” eyes. If I had a dime for every time I heard the chant “Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these”…….then tack on the taunting that my mom must be a GI whore (she was a physician in her country), well you get the picture. I was too young to understand I shouldn’t have been the one to feel ashamed. I am 42 and I STILL feel pain when I think about how often I was spit on, beaten up, asked demeaning questions about my anatomy (no, my vagina is not sideways like my eyes). How do you justify pouring urine on someone to “make them smell like they look”? (the dog poop you mention made me cry for both of us). I followed the tweets that jerk sent regarding your beautiful tattoo- and felt such a rage that I wanted to hunt him down. So THANK YOU, Margaret, for addressing this so openly and honestly. It’s easy to tell someone to “turn the other cheek” when it’s not your own that’s been slapped (sorry for the pun- guess I’m still resorting to humor!).
you know what else is beautiful? Other than you, your spirit and your tattoo, all of which are clearly beautiful also? Your anger. Thank you for being angry and being beautiful and graceful in your anger. Anyone who can’t understand how perfect and necessary and beautiful that anger is has no mind or heart and needs to get the fuck over their own fucking privilege.
Hi Margaret- Let me first say, 100 hats off to you ! What has transpired and the words may not be pretty to others, but its’ the plain fucking truth. There is no room in this world for haters. I appreciated your words! You said it and I agree with you! There is no one in this world alive who has the right to say such unkind words to any fellow human being! I read Bell Hooks” All About Love”, it was an amzing and awakening book for me. I have to re-learn to love myself and appreciate myself, and at first I blamed my parents, but instead, I re-taught them to love themselves and me and everyone. When I had the chance to hangout with you a few years ago during Pride, I learned a very important lesson from you. I saw how you aprreciated everyone around you and found beauty in all of them. Your actions taught me how to love and appreciate myself more. I am thankful eternally to you. I appreciate your blog and it just re-affirms my admiration to you and I am a much stronger person because of you and your courage. Thank you for being who you are. You have folks who will join you in the front line gurl. Love you much! Tita Aida
Those guys are nuts…you seriously have been in my spank-bank for a long time. I think you’re smokin’ with a combination of looks, attitude and sexuality. Fuck ’em. 🙂 Now get up here to Toronto and lets hook up…my wife will join…she thinks you’re hot too! :-p
Thank you from those of us who don’t have your remarkable way with words! May you always find joy!
Margaret,
You are the absolute best! You did not have to explain a single thing, and yet you did so very eloquently. Thank you for putting it in words for us!
We love you, your work and of course the beautiful art you’ve made on your body!
(and rocking some fabulous underwear too!)
xoxoxo
rebecca w
When I saw all those tweets, it was awful to see you in such pain. I know how it feels to be told that you are ugly. I was told that so many times when I was a kid, that to this day I cannot think of myself in any other way when thinking of my body. I joke about it, saying that I was so ugly in high school I covered up my yearbook picture so no one could ever see it. But it is painful. I understood your anger, but it hurt to see it. It is a good thing I never had guns because some of these assholes, like the ones that attacked you, would have died, and I’d be in prison right now. I applaud your unbelievable courage to be who you are. Not only are you an inspiration for people like me, but you are leading a revolution for women’s (and men’s) self esteem!!
Oh! by the way! that is an awesome tattoo on an awesome ass!!
It was sad for me to read your rage. Not because I found your words offensive, but because you were deeply wounded and in a great deal of pain. We see you on stage and you’re confident and fearless, but the reality is you’re human. You shouldn’t spend a second lamenting the “lost fan”. Nor should you feel any shame for baring your soul. For me it doesn’t change a thing. Loved you before; still do. And frankly I think you’re hot.
Thank you Margaret. I wish I could be more eloquent and _really_ express how much you and your words mean to me. They’re so powerful they’re like a friend hugging me. I love you!! Thank you!!
three words, three syllables.
you. go. girl.
xxo!
Um HOT! Please please please feel free to show off as much inked or uninked of your wicked hot body! Sorry, one of the few celebrities I LUST for 🙂
Margaret,
I have watched and loved your brand of humor for years..
As a tatt’ed person myself I have to say that is a beautiful Tat… and you should be proud of it!!!! and for those who don’t like tat’s thats your choice but don’t be rude and nasty to someone because they have Tatt’s… you will be missing out on meeting some wonderful people… Margaret…. you are beautiful and don’t let anyone else tell ya differently…. stay young… stay wild =0)
Chris A.
Fuck yes Margaret. You’re beautiful, impressive and you standing up for us women makes my heart feel strong and alive this morning. You fucking hottie.
I got your back, Ms. Cho!
thank you so much for this Margaret. you are exquisitely beautiful both in and out, and always have been — i am sorry that ANYONE has ever told you otherwise.
i am also an abuse victim and i can relate to your rage. it is beautiful and thrilling to see your words turn into a knife for their butter.
thank you for everything you’ve done for me personally (comedy saves lives), my community (homosexuals), and the “human race” as a whole. your work does not go unnoticed.
thank you for being angry and unleashing that anger. because people do NOT understand the power of words when they are the ones doing the inflicting. it is callous and careless and destructive. it is not even about being the bigger person (pun totally intended) or taking the high road (like you said) but it’s about going down to their level and shining a mirror to their faces so they can see what fucktards they are. the words some people use to describe a person’s appearance are absolutely vile, simple as that. thank you for holding yourself up as an example, martyr and crusader of the power of words. so many people will play the victim and cower. not you. and for that, we can all hope to live with greater awareness and responsibility. kamsahamnida =)
Let me take this moment to say that when I saw the photo of your new ink, I thought, “Wow! Margaret Cho has a great ass! She’s hot!” For what it’s worth!
Even though I’m male, these words deeply resonated with me… my looks were not as often a point of contention (though, I won’t say never), but the lack of love and support….
This is a sutra to me… I want to print it out and read it every morning… Thank you… in a significant way, you have embodied that fearless compassion the world so desperately needs.
Margaret, you are truly beautiful. Inside AND out. LOVE you. XOXOXO
well for what its worth, you just gained at least one new fan.
for what it is worth, you just gained at least one new fan!
I fucking love you………………that is all.
Everything you said here blew me away. Thank you for fighting for all of us. You are beyond beautiful: YOU’RE AMAZING.
That was completely, utterly awesome. Well done, ma’am.
Amazing post. Truly amazing.Thank you for speaking up … and loving yourself. Words hurt, words sting … but above all, words DO matter … contrary to what people think. Keep being unapologetically yOU, in the words of @MizFitOnline
I fucking love you, Margaret. Thank you.
So you lost a fan? Well, today, you gained one. Hello. And thank you.
Well you may have had one fan leave because they didn’t like your language or how strongly you called out douche bags who don’t know a mighty fine derriere when they see one (and more than that think that it is ever ok to crtiticise someone elses body) but I think you reminded a lot more of us just why we love you so much.
You are gorgeous. Your strength, your fire, your fuck you atttitude, your beautiful face and very fine butt are all perfect exactly as they are.
You are amazing, and thank you for going apeshit on ignorant hateful assholes on twitter. Spouting awful crap about women’s bodies is far ‘worse language’ than any expletives usedin anger. Thank you for being strong and showing me how to be too.
xxx
p.s. you are beautiful!