This is the kind of strength we find when we speak the truth. Here is a picture of who we are, the plain facts, real, honest, proud – and we should be glad. Our day is coming soon. When I read this, I feel uplifted, joyous, freed. This truth sets us free. Thank you, Gary, for setting us free.
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2004 3:03 PM
Subject: I am tired…of people saying stuff
like…being gay is a choice!
Dear Senator Specter:
I am writing to you because I have had about enough of people making statements that either directly, or indirectly imply that being gay is a choice. Unfortunately, this position seems to be very popular, and espoused by some uninformed — straight people. First question I always have is, how would you know that…you’re straight!
As politicians seem to love a good warm fuzzy, real American story to support all the good they have done, I thought I would share with you my experience as a gay man. This way, when you do the right thing, and stand up against the proposed Amendment to the Constitution, barring gay marriage, you will have a good human interest photo-op all ready to go.
So, lets look back, shall we?
I have always had a romantic interest in people of the same gender. When I say always, I am talking, since I can remember, and that would be age 4 or 5. I had a crush on one of my childhood peers at 5 and then on my PE teacher in elementary school. These were innocent little crushes. The same as any small kid has. Nothing dirty, sexual, or otherwise tawdry. I just thought I was in love with them. I did not know I was gay, I didn’t know that my “likes” were strange to the rest of the world. I was just a little kid with a crush. Too young to know labels, too innocent of the world to know that my crush was anything but normal.
That was the case until 3rd grade, and I remember this very vividly.
I was going out to the play ground for lunch break, and there were a group of kids off the path heading to the play ground. Something was clearly going on, as it was a group of older boys in a small circle around another boy. Approaching I could hear them laughing. They were clearly taunting him. He was crying. I was afraid. I didn’t want them to shift their attention to me. No one likes to be picked on. Anyway, I heard them calling him “gay.” This kid was so upset, they were calling him names and pushing him around. Well, I just kept on walking and stayed out of it. Thankful they hadn’t noticed
me.
Later that night, curiosity got the better of me. I
needed to know what “gay” meant so I could make sure not to be gay. I did not want to get teased. So, innocently, I asked my mother what the word “gay” was. Her response was swift and definite. “That is a very bad word. You should never call someone that. It’s a bad thing.” And that is all she said. Well, being a third grader, and even at that age, very concerned about not drawing the bullies attention to me, I was not satisfied with that answer. I already knew it was bad, I just needed to know what it was, so I could make sure I was never gay. So, off to Websters I went, and looked it up. I read the definitions, and a terror deep inside me opened wide.
Now, I didn’t fully understand the implications of
the definition. I certainly didn’t link it to anything sexual. I mean, come on, I was in third grade! But, I did know from the vague definition that it meant when boys loved boys, and I knew I did that! I was gay! I was petrified!
And from that day forward, I lived in total fear
that someone would figure it out! Obviously, as I grew and became more aware of the world around me, I found out just how much gay people were hated! I saw countless examples of boys in school being harassed and called gay. Gay is bad, but gay is me. I decided to deep six every feeling I had towards any men. (at the time boys). As I headed towards High School, then this awful “plague” started hitting the gay community. So now, not only was I afraid the guys at school would find out and kill me, there was a disease that killed just fags. Life sucked. I was wrapped in a society of terror. Unless I was alone, I was not safe.
It got worse freshmen year, when a teacher at my school died of AIDS, and the school, the local community, and others went on a gay witch hunt. Teachers were fired, his memory was defiled. I continued to hide, lie, and otherwise deny to the world the very core of my existence.
That year just kept getting worse for me. Someone at the country club I worked at died of AIDS. Do you know, this highly affluent Washington Area country club actually fired ALL of the staff in the restaurant because some may have been gay, and they could give the members AIDS. All of them, not on fact, on conjecture. I was spared because I didn’t work with the food, but I was more concerned than
ever!
I was not safe at home, at school, at work. I was not safe to be me anywhere. At every turn, and in every corner of my young world, being gay meant death.
I kept faux girlfriends through high school. Trying to come up with valid excuses whenever they wanted to get intimate. I knew I would be found out then, cause that I couldn’t fake. I couldn’t act my way into appearing straight then. Everyone would know.
Fortunately, I grew up. Made it to college. I
became more confident, and I came out on my terms. I have now been in a committed, monogamous relationship for 12 years. All my friends know, all my family knows, coworkers, employers…you. I have no secrets anymore. I am lucky. I am finally, truly free of my fear.
Until the gay marriage debate opened my eyes once again to how ignorant people can be. All these people. Straight people claiming things about my life. They don’t know! Are they gay? No. I am gay. I am the expert. I am the authority, yet people seem to listen to them. People are happy to believe I chose this. That I wanted to be a “pervert.” I chose.
Well, I am here to tell you, I most certainly did
NOT choose this. I was born this way, and as an
American citizen, who has a committed loving
relationship, and who votes the same way, and pays taxes the same way every other American does, I deserve. No, let me restate, it is my American birthright to be guaranteed the same rights under the law as EVERY other American. This includes all 1,049 rights the Federal government gives to straight couples.
So, Senator Specter, that is my story. I hope it
means something to you. I know it means a lot to me.
It is me.
Thanks for your time and attention.
Gary Fisher