Talking to my imaginary friends while watching the Oscars in South Carolina…
I never watch the Academy Awards, but I am doing so right now. It’s a strangely political night, with Billy Crystal taking tiny potshots at Bush, careful and subtle support for gay marriage, an early win for longtime liberal Tim Robbins, Michael Moore in a cameo portraying himself, big noise made over Sofia Coppola being the first American woman ever to be nominated for Best Director and Best Picture, and rightly so, “Lost in Translation” being one of my favorite films of the year. It was a bittersweet and unexpectedly joyful movie, and a kind of tribute to all us funny young girls who have been in love with Bill Murray for our entire lives. He was the best part of the pre-show, boasting that he did 200,000 crunches to fit into his Helmut Lang suit, and then opening his jacket to show off.
Damn. Benicio. that is all good. He is fucking fine.
Lots of trains, dragging on the floor behind Angelina Jolie and Rene “Nay-nay” Zelleweger, sweeping the dust off the stage at the Kodak theatre. Bruce calls her that and it fits like a glass slipper! It was of course thrilling to see Nay-nay win, she’s adorable and such a really great actress. The underside of that white satin bow must have been almost black for all the times she was up and around. Where do all those dead dresses go, after their big night? Do they spend the rest of eternity shoved to the back of the closets of the stars until they are Christie’s worthy? I didn’t see that movie. I don’t know why, but it made me feel really chilly. That Nicole Kidman and Nay-nay just looked like they were freezing, and I am not good in that kind of weather. My hands and feet go all numb.
Oh shit, the dude that won best animated short just thanked his ‘beautiful boyfriend.’
Where is the other side of Liv Tyler’s hair? Why is Sting playing the lute? Why is Alison Krauss wearing diamond shoes that cost more than 2 million dollars if you cannot see them? Why is Elvis Costello looking at her like she is singing the song wrong? Annie Lennox is never going to grow her hair out is she? Do I have to stop hoping for that “I Need a Man” wig to re-appear? I am just all questions.
Bizarre tribute to Blake Edwards going through a plaster wall. I needed to thank him for all those depictions of Asians throughout his history. Mickey Rooney didn’t get shout out, but Jim Carrey did a Cato impression, which is good enough I suppose.
Katherine Hepburn retrospective in the “Let’s give it up for the dead people” section.
Oprah just consistently rocks that portrait collar. That is what you do when you find a neckline that works for you. I am all over the place when it comes to that. It still hasn’t come to me.
Errol Morris is fantastic, and his cautionary sentiments about war are warmly supported by the newly and chicly democratic audience. What a difference a year makes.
My mother, when she was a teenager, was called “Mrs. Peck” because she adored Gregory Peck. Oh, this is the dead people section.
Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings.
Oh My GOD MY FAVORITE !!!!!!!! EUGENE LEVY!!!!!!
A man is playing the bicycle. A man is dragging a vacuum cleaner around.
I remember the days when we were all young and poor, and Jack Black used to own only one towel. He supposedly used it for everything, after the bath, as a rug, to clear the steam off the mirror and as a casual around-the-house wrap. Will Farrell used to be in “Sympatico,” a trio of unitard-clad young men who would dance to a scratchy Italian record, and it was the most inexplicable and hilarious celebration of spandex through movement. I think he was the yellow one.
This is really getting long.
Tobey Maguire’s hair in Seabiscuit is bizarre. It is so red.
Sofia Coppola had lots of good taste film references – Antonioni and Wong Kar Wei are favorites of mine too. Her film is very much in the “Chunking Express” category, unfulfilled-yet-gratifying-romantic-poetic-dramedy. I had breakfast with her once when she was hanging out with Redd Kross in the early ’90s. She read the hugest magazines, just big, paper cut inducing glossy European issues purchased from the newsstand by the bathrooms at the Farmer’s Market.
I have a feeling that the LOTR set had wonderful craft service. I know that they must have baked their own pita bread. Barry Osbourne worked on my tv show. Why do I know all these people? That is really weird. I am not name dropping. It is just being around for so long. I feel like an old, burled and knotty tall tree.
Charlize Theron is more beautiful as Aileen Wournos. I mean really, she is hot in “Monster.”
Johnny Depp is doing his best Paul K (Imperial Butt Wizards) as that pirate. He has a lot of variety of hair. Look at those bangs. I really wanted Bill Murray to win. Sean Penn is great though. No there weren’t WMDs! He went to Iraq!
Of course it was going to be LOTR.
You know who is more tired than me now is probably those two ladies that were handing out the statues.
No, I am not going to the party.