Everything is so fucked right now. It’s like the end of the world. Why do people put a bomb on the pizza delivery guy and make him rob a bank? Why did the police not take the thing off him, when they could clearly see this guy freaking out and telling them that it was a bomb? Then the fucking thing exploded and the dude just died. What is wrong with people? Take that fucking thing off his neck. It’s a bomb. How fucking hard is that? What the fuck kind of pizza was it?
That fucking magician is in this plastic box suspended over the Thames in London and he is saying that he will stay there for 44 days and nights without food. All he will have is water, a blanket, a pillow, a journal and a picture of his mom. Okay. Have a good time. What an asshole. That is not magic. That is lazy. He just gonna sit up in this box for all that time and ‘journal’? That is one journal that I will not need to sneak a peek into.
Day 1 : It’s hot in here. Where is the bathroom? Oh shit.
How is that ‘magical’? I wish that fool would just make himself disappear. At least someone threw an egg at the plastic box. That is rad. I love when people throw eggs. This should happen a lot more than it does. I have had an egg or two thrown at me. It is somewhat like getting shot, but without the pain and the blood and possible death. Other than that, it is much like someone busting a cap in your ass. Because you are surprised more than hurt, the breaking of the shell is a hard pop that shocks you, and then it’s followed by a wet, gooey organic mess. You look around frantically for the perp, “Who threw dat! Why you gotta throw a egg – bitch?!!! You want some of dis? Step up!!! Egg! Whassup now Egg?!!!”
In Long Beach, somebody fucking nailed Arnold Schwarzenegger with a fat egg. It was so hot. The Terminator/self nominator/for governor was all shaking hands with stupid fans who don’t know that movie stars are not qualified to run for office because they think that he is from the future. If elected, that beefcake turned robot from the future turned republican is going to win term after term with the slogan “I’ll be back.” and we will never ever hear the end of it because he can vaporize any of his political opponents with that laser in his eye. Thank God someone had the good sense to chuck a Grade A Jumbo Brown Egg right on the lapel of his Hugo Boss suit. It just splattered in the most beautiful way, shell piercing yolk to mix white and yellow ovum oblivion. Like a Jackson Pollack, the chaotic mess of genius. Eggs. The beginning of everything, symbolize so much now, at the end of everything. The world is ending. Get your egg on.