I don’t think that we can talk about bullying enough, I mean, I know I complain still, and this is stuff that happened easily over thirty years ago, but I think it’s hurting me, and continues to. It’s not one of those things that therapy and stuff like that can fix. I am just going to be mad about it until the day I am not, and the way that makes me not mad is writing about it.
There was once a weird thing that happened that gave me lots to think about. This one kid was really a nasty one, just an awful boy, and he was relentless to me about everything. He was not even in my grade – he was totally a younger kid, but I had such a hard time growing up that even younger kids were a threat.
I think that when you are a queer kid, other kids can sense that you are different, and if you don’t have the words or the ideas or whatever it takes to understand and love yourself, then you end up kind of like the littlest kid of all. You just feel super small and it’s hard to be the runt. It sucks and one of the reasons why I just wanted to grow up faster because I was sick of being around kids and being a kid.
Anyway, this shitty kid grew up and decided he wanted to be in show business, and called me to help him. I may have been in my twenties at that point, doing well for myself. I kind of didn’t know what to do when he said who he was on the phone. I couldn’t believe he didn’t remember how terrible he was to me, and that he now looked up to me and was proud of my achievements and was hoping I would be able to give him advice and help him out. I tried to be encouraging but I was engulfed in my own child rage and I wasn’t sure how to help him anyway. It made me sick but I was also satisfied too. I hope that he is doing well now, and I am not sure if he stuck with it. Showbiz is very hard, so good luck to anyone who tries.
Over the years, I heard about lots of bad things that happened to the terrible kids that I suffered an intensely awful childhood with and I don’t feel sorry or anything. It’s weird. I wish I could feel bad about how life is filled with pain and no one is exempt from it and I just don’t. there’s this Buddhist meditation where you breathe in the world’s suffering and breathe out compassion and I try to do it and choke.
Anyway, if you are a kid and you are being bullied now, try to remember that the bullies will get it in the end, they really will. And you, I hope you grow up strong and proud and are not mad still like I am. I want you to be happy and glad. Stay up everyone. Stay up.