Obviously this was written months ago and just posted now. Just so you know – I know it’s not Christmas!
Today is a special day because its that weird week between Christmas and New Years, traditionally a slow time for everyone except maybe returns/exchange departments in stores, and every day this week is meant to be relaxing and rejuvenating and for your pleasure and in preparation for the coming year, so I started off my morning right with pilates and a good flush with the SinuPulse.
The SinuPulse is like a Waterpik from the 70s like my parents had, which would jet water in between your teeth ostensibly to replace flossing, although I can’t imagine it would be as effective. It seems like string would overpower water, at least in a game of rock/paper/scissors/string/water. The SinuPulse isn’t for your teeth. It’s for your nose, or more specifically, for your sinuses. My sinuses are cavernous and deep. There’s a lot of space in this face. It makes my voice sonorous and melodic, as the sound waves bounce back through my caves and echo. There’s power in these pipes, but the sweetness is from the resonance in my big head.
I am lucky and also a bit burdened by it, because with the big sound comes the unavoidable and the inevitable. I am plagued by allergies, and at times it feels like there are weather patterns swirling just below my eyes. Hurricanes and rains and dry plains. It’s shifting and tumultuous and painful, but it’s my life. My nose life. I live it.
To cope, there are medications that I take haphazardly and ineffectively but I find most relief in mechanical solutions and this is where the SinuPulse comes in. I was scared to use it at first, being only just introduced to the Neti Pot, which is controversial in itself. I’ve had odd Neti Pot experiences too, where salt water I used to rinse out my nose came shooting out of my tear ducts instead of the other nostril. I felt like a leaky garden hose and wondered if I could wrap myself with duct tape.
The SinuPulse is like the Neti Pot on steroids – or maybe crystal meth. It makes a loud noise and literally shoots a hard stream of water up into the sinus and it hurts at first but then it feels good and then things that are lodged up there get dislodged and actually come out and you can’t believe what was up there.
I usually have it set to 8, but it will go to 10. I don’t want to take it up to 10 yet. I want somewhere to go, in my nasal threshold. The last two days I have been using cold saline solution, which chills my brain and feels like an ice cream headache but in a good way. The cold also seems to make the sinuses constrict or dilate or whatever sinuses do, so more comes out, which is immensely satisfying and totally disgusting.
My house has old plumbing and my bathroom sink is the oldest of all. There’s a little mesh basket over the drain to make sure nothing solid will go down there and as I drilled at one nostril with the sinupulse a huge wad of solid, hard mucus came out of the other. It went into the mesh basket and effectively closed the drain, the sink filling up with cold saline solution briefly warmed by my nose. I couldn’t believe I had that in there, and when it came out it fucking clogged the drain. I would have taken a picture of it, but there are some things we should keep to ourselves.