It Feels Right

Home now eating delicious sweets from friends and enjoying an early night. I am so grateful for everyone who voted for us and kept us on the show. Yesterday was a really rough day. I wasn’t sure what to feel or think. I want to stay in the game so badly, so much that I can barely think straight. I know I can dance. I feel it in my bones. I want to do this for myself, the little girl in me who wants to be a beautiful princess – who wants to be seen and heard and loved and praised. I want to do this for all the girls who have been told they are not perfect – who have been told they are ugly and fat – who know deep inside that they are not those things… it’s so hard to face your own insecurity and doubts and fears. I really feel like I am doing that.

My body feels sore but also strong and capable. I am doing spins that weren’t possible two days ago. I can feel the floor through my bruised and calloused feet and my body is starting to understand what to do – where to step, where to stop, where to be physically silent, where to be loud. Louis is pushing me further and further – I am crying now all the time, not because I am sad, but because I feel like I am really in my body. I didn’t realize how much I have been avoiding being here – how little time I have spent in my skin – for my entire life. It’s the same with my house. I never really unpack. I never really am home. it is the same with my physical being. I have been told so many times that my body was not right – for this reason or that. I have abandoned myself so much that now it feels strange to stay here. To be here. One thing is certain – I am here now. I am doing this. It doesn’t exactly feel good, but it feels right.

18 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. you just don’t know how proud we are of you!! you are gettin’ in the groove now! i’m glad your in your body now!! lol LUV U GURL! ♥

  2. It’s so exciting to be following your blog through this mental transformation…
    You’re such a sexy woman inside and out and I’m so glad that you’re realizing it now.
    My friends and I were saying how awesome it would be to see you wearing some sexy dancing outfits, with all your ink and color reflecting off of the lights…Hope we get to see that soon. :)

  3. You go girl!

    You owe ABC a big loud FU. You can sing, you can dance, and you are funny and smart and frankly? You’re the most talented thing to appear on that network in a damn long time.

  4. people on drop dead diva facebook are talking smack Margaret Cho supporyers go on there and.show your support for her and her beautiful tatoos. Uptight mother…….ok easy alana.

  5. I’m so happy for you and rooting for you.

    When I was kid I tried out for cheerleading. I was ignored and laughed at, one older boy who was watching from the side asked me if I was a boy. I felt so low that I never returned.

    Those are wounds that never heal.

    You’re very inspirational to many, many people!!

  6. Go margaret! I’m cheering you on and am so proud of you! Your face is so animated and when you smile, it makes me want to smile too! You’re gorgeous and so talented and I want to see you succeed! I’m rooting for you every step of the way! You are my muse, my inspiration and my idol! You will always be a star! Be true to yourself and express yourself. love seeing your parents in the background too! I enjoy reading your blogs as you go thru this process. We are all here sharing it with you!

  7. I was SOOOOOO excited when you guys were announced as safe the other night! We are all really routing for you Margaret; hell I’m actually watching a show I have never had any interest in watching because I want to see you succeed! Thank you for posting what you do in your blog and for taking us on your journey. It has really been helping me out with my own struggles of late and trying to get up the courage to jump into MY life for the first time in my 43 years. I feel that is a huge adventure right around the bend for me and I am scared and excited for it. You have helped so many of us and for that, I am eternally grateful! All the best for your next routine; show ‘em how Ms. Chow brings it! xxoo

  8. Your honesty and self-awareness is inspiring, Margaret. And, your beauty resonates to the audience while you’re dancing. You have a proud and wide fan-base sending you loving energy. Good luck on this path! I’m excited to watch you grow while you show America your beauty.

  9. Margaret you’re beautiful and show me that I can feel good about myself no matter what anyone says. You’re strong and inspiring to so many people. You’re like freaking wonder woman! I admire your passion for all that you do! :)

    <3

  10. I never really knew who you were, except that you are a comedian of Korean descent. You are more real as a person than the rest of the contestants, which is why I am getting to like you. Show the world you can dance because you can and do it better than anybody else in the show. I mean it. (Well, Jennifer Grey’s got the training and experience that others don’t).

    Show the world you are a dancer because you are. Please don’t self-destruct by trying to be funny. Nobody is interested in that.

  11. This post was inspirational. It spoke to the little girl inside me that still hopes no one makes fun of the way she looks…You’re such an inspiration to a lot of us out there. Thank you (well your parents) for being born and having such a great spirit!! I have never watched the show but since your on I’m rooting for yah!!! xoxo

    p.s. a belated Happy Thanksgiving!

  12. Thank you for a very moving blog post. Never having watched DWTS before, I’m watching it this season because I’m your fan–and I love reading about your emotional journey here.

    I think a lot of people can identify with notions of not being “at home” in one’s body or one’s home (or one’s head). It can take a lot of bravery to start unpacking and making things nice.

    You are beautiful and an inspiration! You go, Diva!

  13. It is so great to see a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. I’m a huge fan of Drop Dead Diva and just think that you are hilarious. The show has really helped me to become comfortable with myself and my body. Reading all of this about what you went through is heartbreaking. Just the fact that you were able to come out of it is amazing. You are inspirational.

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