In My Body

I am dancing better. It’s all getting better. My body feels good. Not as sore and in shock as it was. Louis and I are also having fun on the road, on my Cho Dependent Tour, which is great. I wish he could come with me all the time.

I think that this entire DWTS experience has forced me into my body and I am loving it. This is what people must feel like all the time. I don’t live in my body normally. It’s like there is a sign up, “Back in 5” – with a little clock equipped with movable hands, but I never actually come back. I live in a small space above, deep in my head, like I am renting the space but don’t own it. Well, it’s time to come downstairs.

It’s weird to be in your body. I usually try to escape it as much as I can. If I have to sit somewhere for a minute, I need a book or my computer or my blackberry or my ipod. When I am eating I want to watch TV. When I’m here, I want to be there. To me, ‘autopilot’ is ‘on.’ I can easily be tattooed for hours because I am not feeling it. I am not in me. Even when someone else is in me. Isn’t that sad?

14 thoughts on “In My Body

  1. Margaret, I’m so happy for you. You look amazing and I think dancing is just the kind of creative exercise that’s right for you! You are a true inspiration- fierce, talented, smart, and always funny. Thank you for rockin it always and keeping the strength! (Now go out and win it for us Korean sistas!)

  2. Sometimes my body feels like a room in my house that never gets used, or that space behind your stove that you’ve never once cleaned. Until I started doing yoga I never really bought the idea that physical concentration could sharpen mental concentration but now I crave that connection between my mind and body.

    When I first heard you were doing DWTS I didn’t really get it but now I see that you’re all about trying new things and extending yourself as a person. I hope you inspire a lot of us lazy sisters not to wait to start that journey!

  3. I have been there. But when it came to dealing with my bulimia, I had to reconnect. When it came to trying to have a healthy sex life sober, I had to reconnect. Its a lot better here,… ALL of it! 😉

    I believe in you Margaret!!!

    love love love

  4. Margaret, I can really relate to this post.
    As an aside, I’m so happy that I discovered your blog! Not only are you hilarious, you are a talented writer. I’ve been a fan of yours for 16 years (wow, I can’t believe how fast time goes!) I’m going to see you live in Toronto next month for the first time and I can’t wait!
    Keep blogging; you’re fantastic 🙂

  5. WOW! You verbalized something I could never really explain but that I feel completely. I’m so glad you are finding your body and your path to being more present. I hope I can do the same! <3 you.

  6. Hi Margaret,

    Thanks for that post.
    I have the same problem. Maybe it has to do with loving your body, or even just accepting what is. I, like you, am asian and “big boned”. Always struggling with my weight and trying to fit a “standard” is f**king exhausting! I’m always looking to the next moment 🙁 because I keep thinking of WHEN and HOW I am going to change. Being present allows the change to happen naturally. It’s people like you who are truly an inspiration because you not only voice your struggles, but you provide the rest of us with hope that we don’t have to let it completely destroy our chance at being functional and relevant human beings!

    Rock on girl!

Have something to add?