Break a Leg

I met Kate Gosselin the other night and she was pretty with her new hair. It’s blonde and long and flat-ironed. I liked the other hair too but she is very glamorous these days. She asked me how I will deal with the criticism I might get from being on “Dancing With The Stars” and I said “I don’t care about it!” and I really don’t. Why does anyone care what anyone says about them? And also about whether you can dance or not, if you are not known to be a dancer? Especially when it’s people who don’t know you and don’t know what you are about? Everyone who knows me knows I am NOT a ballroom dancer and would probably be better off on “Dancing With The Whores” which is a spin off of yesterday’s pilot for “Dancing With The Stoners.”

I told Kate that she shouldn’t listen to the mean things people say about her and she said she wouldn’t. That made her smile a lot, which I think is nice. She has a nice smile, which is a special secret. I don’t know much about her, except that she seems to be a soft spoken lady with a lot of children and an Asian Adjacent ex-husband. She also says she was not a good dancer but I think that if anyone can get through a moment of the “Dancing With The Stars” experience – they’ve got to have some rhythm somewhere. She did not fall – which I have done several times already!! I feel like if I fall a bunch now, I won’t fall later. It’s like if you have a bad rehearsal you have a great performance!! That is how it has been in my experience. You should always shoot to have a terrible rehearsal so that the show shines. It’s kind of like the ‘break a leg’ thing. You don’t want to actually break a leg, but you want to ‘break a leg.’ This whole thing is so different from anything I have done, and I am looking forward to bringing my stripper moves to it, as well as busting my humps.

The paparazzi seem to weirdly care about me today, but I think it is because no one else is at the dance studio rehearsing as early as I am there and they are bored. They asked me, kind of in a shitty way, if I was learning anything – as in “how to dance” and I said “yes” all confident and then immediately tripped on a parking divider. It was real stupid. I feel bad for them because it’s hot in that real ‘Hollywood concrete and asphalt’ way and really pee smelling in the alley they are waiting in and I hope they are drinking enough water. That has to suck – waiting around in deep Hollywood to take pictures of people. I wouldn’t want to do it, just like I don’t think anyone wants to come inside and do abs with me!

I cannot wait to ask The Situation if I am a grenade or a landmine. I hope that the rest of The Jersey Shore cast comes and cheers him on because I have a crush on Snooki. I think she looks exactly like Elizabeth Taylor from Cleopatra – really gorgeous.

11 thoughts on “Break a Leg

  1. I started jumping up and down and squeeling like I a winning game show contestant when I found out you were on the next season of DWTS. I’m so glad you got paired with Louis and I will be voting my little heart out for you guys!

    Now let’s start a Betty White style Facebook movement to get you a guest spot on GLEE! When that happens, my gay brain just might explode out of my head…


  2. You should go out to the paparazzi with a bunch of bottles of water & hand them out, reminding them to stay hydrated. Just to be a sweetie. 🙂

  3. Hello Margaret,

    I hope you are doing well. I know you are. I will vote for you as always. I do love your new album and all the autographs that you have blessed me with. I always read what you have to say and I think it is hilarious.

    I thought it was weird how they announced you on DWTS. They said, “America’s most outrageous Comedian, cut.” How bitchy lol.
    I hope you make it all the way through the end. I have yet to see you in person, but I am a big supporter of you. I have followed you for awhile.
    I love that you stand up for the Gay Community.
    I have idolized you forever. I was happy to get the pre-order.

    Thank you for reading (If you do),
    Jeffrey Goldade
    <You go girl!!! Go Go Go!!! Get snooki hunny!!!

  4. You will be the light of the show! Embracing “The Situation,” playing the press, and getting a good laugh in “the red room.” You are the reason I cannot wait to watch.

    11.5.10 in NYC too!!

    Are they going to allow your “ink” to show?

  5. I sort of watch this show with my finger on the fast forward button, but I’m super excited to see you. I saw you do stand up at my college probably 18 years ago (I suspect we’re about the same age), and I’ve been a great fan ever since. You’re one of the few people I would actually make the effort to vote for. Don’t let them make you get that nasty fake spray tan!

  6. Dear Margaret,
    Can you please rock a poof in ur hurr the episode that Snooki comes on? It would mean a lot to me (and Snooks). It will also make you more aerodynamic. Yes? Awesome!

  7. I love the way you worry about the paparazzi staying hydrated. I also have a strange attraction to Snookie. But then again I kind of hope she gets arrested again because it would be fun to go around yelling \free Snookie!\

    I never watch talent contest-type shows but I might make an exception because of you.

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