Paparazzi Kryptonite

I have taken up pilates for my arthritis and sciatica issues, and I have been going to a fancy place cuz I feel like “no pain – no gain” and maybe if there is more financial pain there will be less physical pain. So every morning I put on my Juicy Couture sweat suit and my Uggs and I rock it like the Studio City MILF that I am. Today, as I was leaving my very upscale torture chamber, four cars zoomed past me at an alarming, very un-Valley friendly speed. It was three cars chasing one car, and they all did very dangerous, terrible out of control three point turns on the narrow back street. The car that was being chased pulled up and parked behind me and a beautiful young SUPERSTAR got out. It was a funny coincidence because we had just met the night before. She said hi to me and I asked her if she was ok. She said yes but it was clear to me she was pretty freaked. Poor kid. Then, three paparazzi jumped out of their cars (parked right in the street mind you!) and started to chase/photograph her as she ran into the pilates studio. To get them off of her I started yelling at them – “I LIKE HOW YOU TOTALLY IGNORE ME!!!” They said, “We got you already!” Then I yelled back “I AM NOT EVEN WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!!!”” and they all quickly got back in their cars and drove away. Apparently my pussy is some kind of paparazzi kryptonite. So I am offering my services to all young Hollywood who want some privacy. I am here and my unphotographable pussy has got your back.

10 thoughts on “Paparazzi Kryptonite

  1. Hmmm…I don’t think that I care weather or not if my pussy is photographable or not. No one is going to take a picture of it, unless I’m going to get ALOT of money for it (I’m a money hoe like that). Unlike like Britney who didn’t get paid for her photographable pussy but she is rich already so I’m sure she didn’t care.

    Does your unphotographable pussy also work on bosses? Because I would pay ALOT of money to keep my boss away from me. Please let me know.

  2. Ugh…paparazzi are gross. It’s like: “okay get your own fame, eh?” They’re nasty…like some sort of cross between leeches, cockroaches and baboons…they’re terminally beligerant but they sort of swarm in and swarm out with “flash flash flash flash scuttle scuttle scuttle scuttle”. And they get all mad when someone hits them. It’s like “Shut up, ass-wad, you’re an effing leeching monkey-cockroach! Expect to get stepped on, beeatch!”

    Mentioning your lack of underwear was like turning on the kitchen light.

    Um…not that I’ve got paparazzi scuttling my way. That’s just a general and sort of zoological impression I get. Do you ever see a person and know exactly which animal must’ve gotten mixed in with the genes way back in the day?

  3. i think i may need your services, as my mother who has alzheimer’s thinks i am an international celebrity because i can post comments to your website and you are a SUPERSTAH!

    i live in mississippi and everybody waves here. i have perfected the “i’m trying to avoid the paparazzi” wave. i just hold my open hand up to my face, like “you’re not getting my picture, talk to the hand instead.” it seems to confuse the fuck out of the rednecks! hey, this is as friendly as i am going to get!

    to prove how country they are down here, my best non-gay male friend talks like boomhauer on king of the hill! and the other rednecks can understand him! i catch about every 3rd word!

  4. Kryptonite Pussy. Hey, GREAT idea for a movie!

    Yeah, paps… they’re like the parasite on a desirable, famous host. I suggest spraying them with umm… pussy juice? Might work! (got some g-spot stimulation tips if you need ’em)

  5. MILF? As in “Mother I’d like to Fuck?” Margaret, I didn’t know you were a mom (I already knew you were sexy, though :))! Congratulations! When did this happen? Btw, I will be letting people know about your magical pussy powers, if the subject ever comes up. I had no idea. And I just want to say that, for the record, comparing paparazzi to baboons, cockroaches, and leeches is a horrible insult to baboons, cockroaches, and leeches. 😉

  6. I’m with Mama Bear, Margaret. Did you give birth? Like the Virgin Mary? I didn’t even know you had a child. For sure though, you are a MILF! 🙂

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