Chauncé Hayden: Your stand-up act is one of the  best I’ve ever seen. What makes you stand out? 

Margaret Cho: (Laughs) I don’t know! 

Would you agree that stand-up comedy is a dying  art? 

It is. Because people don’t have a passion for it like  they used to. I really love it. It’s just something that  is a part of me. Being a stand-up comic is so much  who I am. It’s really not just a job. It’s not just a way  to get into the movies. It’s just what I love to do.  That has a lot to do with it. My commitment to my  craft is very apparent. And people seem to really respond to it. 

What did you think when Jerry Lewis said publicly that female comics aren’t  funny? 

That’s a very typical attitude for a lot of male comics. It’s not very unusual. I  wasn’t surprised. But I did feel bad because he’s such a senile old man. The  media kind of swooped down on him and used him as this example. Jerry’s  attitude is a pretty typical attitude toward women comics. Most male stand-ups  are really weird. There’s something very weird about them. There’s a lot of  antagonism between women and men in comedy. I can tell you that I dated a  lot of male comics, and they’re very weird. 

Is it just male comics that are weird, or comics in general? 

Comics are weird. But I always loved the women in comedy. I have a lot of  great female friends in comedy. 

Making your living as a comedian always seemed to me to be a very stressful  way of paying the rent. You live and die by the reaction of the audience. 

Well, any kind of performance career is weird. But it’s not something comics do  so much because they want to pay the rent. I think most do it more because  it’s a need. 

Your current film, I’m The One That I Want, is being called a masterpiece. 

Thank you. 

How long did it take to make the film? 

Actually, it wasn’t a very long period. I think it took about 3 or 4 months  before it was ready to go to previews. 

Has the I’m The One That I Want tour changed your life in any way? 

Yes, absolutely. It changed the way that I live and where I live. I was on tour  for a year with it, and it changed my perspective a lot because the show is very  positive, and it has a lot of messages about self-love and self-worth and  self-reliance, which is hard to find among women in America. So the show is  also very empowering and therapeutic for me. How it affected other people was  very important, too. 

Has the show offended or angered anyone? 

I don’t think so. I think the show is really about my truthful experience, and  everybody can identify with that type of disappointment and honesty. I think,  in general, the show has been very well-received because I’m speaking to  people’s hearts, and people feel that. 

You’ve been very honest about your emotional and physical downward spiral  after All-American Girl was canceled by the ABC television network. Why did the  cancellation of your sitcom affect you in such a negative and self-destructive  way?

Well, I was really in a bad place anyway. And for so  long I had made the show such a big priority in my  life. I had made the show more important than  anything else. I got all of my self-worth and  self-esteem from being the star of the show. That’s  where I put all of my image for myself. Not just for  my career, but for myself as well. That was the  problem. I think that’s a common mistake that people  make in life. We tend to make our job who we are.  And that’s not really the case. We should just be  happy with our lives because of who we are, not what  we do. But for some reason, the world would have us  thinking it’s the other way around. And that’s a very  painful way to live. 

Especially when you make that living in Hollywood, and you’re a woman. 

Yes, well, Hollywood has a very narrow view of what women are supposed to  look like, and I never fit into that role. So that was really a problem, too. I just  didn’t look like anyone else in Hollywood, and no matter how much weight I lost  or what I did to myself, I would never fit into that Hollywood mold. Basically,  I’m not white! 

At the time, you were the only Asian woman on television. Didn’t it make you  feel special to be the first Asian woman with her own television show? 

I know! But I had this weird, internalized inferiority complex because I grew up  without any Asian role models on television. So I had no idea what I was  supposed to look like. To be the first was really a scary thing. 

You would think you would have been happy just to have achieved the amount  of success and fame you worked so hard for. 

Yeah, but I wasn’t able to really see that because I was so tied up with the  weight loss, trying to stay on top, being in league with the other actresses,  and trying to fit in. I spent more time doing that than looking back at what I  had accomplished. 

How bad did things get for you? 

Well, I O.D.’d a couple of times. 

Were you trying to kill yourself? 

Oh, absolutely. 

You really wanted to die? 

Yes. But it was a casual sort of thing. 

I’m sorry, but did you say casual suicide? 

Yes, suicide for me was such a casual decision. It just wasn’t a big deal. For  people who are really suicidal, suicide just isn’t that big of a deal. That’s what’s frightening about suicide and drug abuse. You get very resigned to it. If you  die you die, whatever. It’s a very awful way to live, but I was very much like  that. In fact, I was probably legally dead a couple of times, but for some reason  it didn’t take. So that’s good. 

Obviously you’re supposed to be here. Don’t you agree? 

Yes, so it’s great that I still get to do my work and enjoy myself. 

I’ve always found it fascinating that the most brilliant comics of our time are  often so self-destructive and unhappy. 

Yeah, there’s a lot of pain there. And when you tie that with drugs and alcohol,  it becomes much worse. Although I think you can not have that pain and still  be funny. But I agree, it’s very sad and unfortunate that our most brilliant  comedians have had such a short life span. But then look at people like Eddie  Murphy who continue on. He’s been able to go above and beyond all that stuff,  which is why he is so extraordinarily huge. 

Yet despite all your sadness, you’ve managed to get back on your feet and  persevere. What turned things around for you? 

(Long pause) I just felt like I had more to do. I felt like I didn’t want to live the  way I was living. I didn’t want to die anymore. 

Was there a moment that you can recall where you felt like enough was  enough? 

I think there were quite a few moments. Usually after I would O.D. and get  close to death, and maybe even die, I would wake up the next morning with the  resolve that I was going to clean up and and change myself. But I was never  able to do it. But if you go through that cycle enough, you get tired of it. Then  one day I finally felt like I physically couldn’t do it anymore. I just got some  clarity ... some sanity. 

How do you feel today? 

I feel great. I’m really happy. I feel very centered right  now. It’s not so much about my career, although I  still love what I do. But what is most important is that  I’m really happy with myself and I’m really happy with  the way things are now. 

What’s amazing is that even when you were suicidal,  you were still able to perform. 

Yeah, I could always perform. I mean, there are shows where I have no idea  what I did! I would go on stage so high and be great. That’s why I know I  should be a stand-up, because I could do it completely unconscious and it  would always be fine. I could always trust that I could do stand-up no matter  what. I would say stand up saved my life because I loved doing it so much. No  matter how bad things got, I always knew I had stand-up comedy to fall back  on and could be proud of myself for being able to do it. 

E! did a profile of your life. What did you think of it? 

I thought it was really creepy. I think it’s so weird to have people talk about  you when you’re not there. I think my ears were burning the whole month that  they were shooting that. It was just so uncomfortable, but at the same time  exciting, because a lot of my friends were in it. But overall, I thought it was  trashy and funny and I loved it. 

Tabloids love stories where the funny comic goes crazy and self-destructs. 

Yes. 

How did the tabloids treat you during your dark times? 

I think the tabloids were kind of clueless about me when I was going through  my dark times. They would always come and see me do my stand-up act and  then write stories about what I would talk about in my act. Like, I used to work  at this sex boutique, and they would go to the sex boutique and take all these  pictures of it and put it in their magazines. But the readers don’t understand  what that stuff really is. So it was just kind of a ridiculous attempt on their part  to make me be something I wasn’t. They just never really got who I was. Plus,  I was 23 and they kept putting my age as 28, which made me so mad I wanted  to kill them! (Laughs) I wanted to sue them just for that, forget the other  stuff! I think they knew that would piss me off. 

It seems that the tabloids love writing about which celebrities are gay and which  are straight. It also seems that the American public enjoys every minute of it.  Meanwhile, your sexual preference has long been the subject of rumors and  gossip. Care to set the record straight? 

I’m everything. I feel like I have satisfying relationships with both women and  men. It’s not really important to me what gender they are. It’s also not really  important to me to label my own sexuality, because I don’t even know what it  is. I wouldn’t say it’s anything specific. It’s all-inclusive. I guess you could say  that when it comes to my sexual preference, I’m an all-inclusive resort. 

The gay community loves you. 

And I love them. 

Does having a large gay following have its benefits? 

Absolutely. That’s where I get my material from. That’s also where I get my  love and my life and my laughter. I have so many wonderful gay men in my life  that the relationships border on romantic. 

Does that make you a fag hag? 

Yes! I’m such a fag hag! And I love that! It’s just part of who I am and it’s  very natural for me. 

Does it hurt you in Hollywood if people know you’re gay? 

No, I think it’s great! 

It didn’t seem great for Ellen DeGeneres. Her sitcom was canceled shortly after  she outed herself. 

I think that for Ellen, it’s made her career so much bigger and better. Now  she’s not just Ellen the television star, she’s a very important political figure.  She’s gone from being an entertainer to being an activist. It’s so exciting. I saw  her at the Millennium March on Washington, and she’s become royalty. It’s so  cool and wonderful for her. People will remember her forever and ever. 

Would you call Ellen DeGeneres a hero? 

Yes, she’s like George Washington for the gay  community. 

What about you? It seems you could speak out on  hundreds of issues including gay rights, Asian rights,  women’s rights ... the list is long. 

Absolutely. My goal is to unite all those different  groups of people, because I embody all of those kinds  of people. It’s about unity. If minorities unite, they can easily become the  majority. These days, my life is all about helping others. That’s truly one of my  greatest concerns and it’s what my life is all about now. So it’s a good thing I  didn’t end up dead, because I’ve been able to help so many people. 

Is it true that you’re friends with Bill and Hillary Clinton? 

Well, I’m actually friends with Hillary Clinton. I’ve gone to little parties and  functions that she throws. Actually, I think she throws a way better party than  Bill does! 

Do you think you’ll ever get a second shot at a sitcom? 

I don’t think I really want one. I would rather have a talk show if I ever do  television again. 

Would you want to do television again? 

Yes, certainly. 

If you could go back and change anything about your life, what would you  change? 

I wouldn’t change a thing.