James Bohling: Tell me about your new show. 

Margaret Cho: It’s called “I’m the One That I Want,” and it’s touring all over right now. I think by the  end of the tour I will have gone to 40 cities, which is pretty extensive. I feel like Celine Dion or  something, traveling everywhere, doing these shows, and it’s such a huge, huge thing. 

I know, but Celine gave it all up for love. 

I know! (laughing) 

Are you going to follow her? 

I don’t think so. (laughing) How can you do that? 

I don’t know. You just follow your heart. 

I guess so. Well, this is my heart. I love doing stand-up comedy, I love traveling and I really love this  show. And it’s basically about my experiences doing my television show [”All-American Girl”] a few  years ago. And it’s about how it all transpired, what happened to me, how difficult it was, how  disillusionment set in, how fame is really ultimately incredibly disappointing ... how when you trust  the world to give you things like self-esteem and happiness, the world will never be there for you. It’s  about learning to rely on ourselves and learning to find peace and happiness from within. And it’s a  story told in the language that I speak, which is stand-up comedy. And for fans of mine, they’ll really  love the show. I’ve gotten a great response from people who are very familiar with my work, and I’ve  got a whole new set of fans. So, it’s been a really rewarding experience. It’s been really fun and  people really enjoy themselves. 

You talked about everything that you’ve been through; what is it that you have been through? 

Well, when I was doing my TV show, there were a lot of things that I really regret—not necessarily  even regret—but that were hard to deal with. I got this deal and I went in for my screen test and they  told me that I didn’t look right—that I was too overweight to play myself (laughing). And so I had to  lose all this weight, and it really panicked me, because I was in this very strange, insecure place.  Mainly because when I grew up I never saw Asian people on television. So for me it was like they  were giving me this huge break because I was Asian and they were allowing me to be on TV. And  that is how much racism gets into our system, that we look at ourselves that way. And that was the  first mistake. I had looked at myself in that way, and I had thought I was being given special  treatment and I should be grateful, which is totally wrong. And I learned that lesson very hard. That  was the first thing that happened, and because of the fact that I’m thin anyway and I taxed my body  to lose weight that I did not have to lose, I ended up in the hospital. Anorexia followed me for several  years after that. That was really the first blow. And then the show came out and it was a massive  professional failure and a critical failure. And it was really all blamed on me, because the networks  sort of leave you out to dry when there’s a situation like that. Then there was a huge Asian-American  backlash where people were really responding to the fact that I was not being true to myself as an  artist. Because before I had come out as such a strong and clear and positive voice, and then I was  co-opted by the networks and literally sold out—but far too cheaply—and then the show was canceled.  I really didn’t know how to handle it. I was only 25 at that point, and I was really distraught. I felt like  I had tried so hard to please everyone. I was left with no sort of job or way to get back into it, and  looked at as sort of a failure. And [I] really had a hard time dealing with that. And I’d always had a  great love of drugs and alcohol since I was a kid, but it became a lot worse after the show was  canceled. And I found some glory in that. I gloried in my destruction. That was a really painful part,  too. So, as bad as the television experience was, as bad as all the things that happened to me were, I  was the worst thing for myself. That lasted for about a year, and then finally I had enough. 

How did you snap out of the drug problem? 

I was living with somebody that I hated so much that I couldn’t bear it. He was a really bad alcoholic  too, and we were just killing each other. It was like “Sid and Nancy.” We would have killed each  other if we didn’t snap out of it ... I realized I couldn’t live that way. I didn’t want to die, and I didn’t  want to be sick anymore and I didn’t want to be with this guy anymore. 

Was your drug problem so serious that you were close to dying? 

Well, I OD’d a bunch of times. I’m sure that I got very close to death a lot, but since I always came  back ... I think I blew out an E-fuse. I did so much Ecstasy that I don’t think if I took it now I would  get high. I’ve fallen into so many K-holes; I’ve done every drug. 

And now you’re totally clean and sober? No drinking, nothing? 

(sighing) Nothing. Some yoga. 

Be careful with that! 

Yeah, I know. I just can’t do it. I don’t think I can get high anymore. 

Do you ever feel a desire to? 

No, not really. It’s boring now. I just don’t think it would affect me. 

When you were on “All-American Girl,” that was the first time there had been a prime-time show  with an Asian lead. Why do you think there have been so many shows with black characters and  black leads and black casts, and that it does not still seem to be taking off [for Asian-Americans]? 

I think there just aren’t as many Asian-American actors. And there aren’t as many Asian-American  producers or people behind the camera to make that happen. And there isn’t enough of a  consciousness or a force to bring that about. I think the African-American community has done  wonderful things, and continue to, in making the other world of television and film a more racially  complete place. I still don’t think it’s enough, though. I still don’t think there is enough minority  representation, and there needs to be more. But there also needs to be more involvement from the  community. There needs to be more people to give jobs to, or to create jobs, or write, or make their  own things happen. 

OK, I’m going to move to a lighter topic. The title of your show—is that taken from the “Grease”  soundtrack? 

It kind of is. It’s also taken from the Courtney Love song “Miss World,” where she says, “I’m the one  that you want.” And I was trying to figure out the name of the show and I walked by a dry cleaner  and they had a sign that said, “we’re the one you want” ... and I love that song from “Grease.” It just  seemed like a perfect title. 

Were you a big Olivia Newton-John fan? 

Oh, of course. I lived in this neighborhood and there was this girl who developed really early, and she  started the “Totally Hot” fan club. And you could only be in the club if you had the record. And my  parents wouldn’t buy me the record for some reason. Maybe because it’s so racy. 

The one where she’s on the cover with the black leather ... 

... the black leather; she’s all in the alley (laughing). I love that record. I think that she’s a big  influence. All of her work—especially, you know, the “Physical” long-form video [and] the video for  “Landslide”? 

Yeah, they’re sort of Penthouse-y  a little bit? 

(laughing) Yeah, they’re so surreal and they’re really forward-thinking. She did a lot of stuff that was  kind of David Bowie-ish. She, to me, is kind of like David Bowie (both laugh). But I love her so  much, and I know her, actually. We did a film together called “It’s My Party,” and she inspired me to  quit smoking. She said, (with a high-pitched Australian accent) “Oh, just quit. Just don’t do it  anymore.” I really adore her. 

So do I. You’ve talked in every [recent] interview and article about being the queen of fag hags.  Why? Why the connection with gay men? 

I think I’ve always had it. Even when I was in high school I had a lot of friends who didn’t know they  were gay yet, and we still hung out. And later on they would come out of the closet and really  understand who they were and I was always attracted to their energy. Always. And also when I was a  little girl my parents owned this bookstore on Polk Street in San Francisco, which was in a big gay  center. I just grew up around all of these gay men and really felt very at home in their presence. It’s  always been a natural thing to me. And I think that it has to do with a sense of feeling outside of the  dominant culture. This need, or want, to appreciate the dominant culture but always feeling left out of  it. So there’s a sense of longing there that I really feel permeates all of my relationships with gay men.  That longing, that sweet suffering that’s there just because we’re not part of the dominant culture. We  cannot be. Also because we like to work out at Crunch ... to me, that’s where sisterhood begins—at  Crunch. All my friends go there. 

There’s a lot more that begins at Crunch (both laugh). So, you’re now pansexual, if I am correct,  right? 

Pansexual. Yeah, I guess so. Well, I’ve always been that way. And yet, I don’t really feel sexual at all  in a lot of ways. 

Oh, God. We have a lot in common. 

(sighing) Yeah. Sometimes it’s just too much trouble. I don’t really feel I get as much out of it as I  would have to put into it. Also, I’m not really attracted to anybody right now. But I do find that I have  relationships with men, and with women, and with gay men ... I just got this letter from a guy—well,  he used to be a guy, and we had this flirtation for a while, then he had a sex change. So I don’t know  how to categorize that. It’s confusing but it’s also wonderful that there are so many options. 

You’ve said that you consider Madonna your spiritual mother. 

Yeah. 

So, whom do you consider your spiritual father? 

I don’t know ... David Bowie always comes to mind. 

Does that make Olivia Newton-John your spiritual stepmother? 

(laughing) Yeah, I think so. 

What are you most looking forward to right now? 

Finishing my book (also titled “I’m the One That I Want”), which is pretty much almost finished. And  that’ll be out next year. It takes the show and it really goes deep into what happened to me, some of  the experiences I don’t get to talk about in the show. So that’s next, along with my movie, which is the  film version of the show, which I shot in San Francisco in November, and that’ll be out this year in  theaters. And I’m looking to do a television show. I don’t know what form that will take, but that’s  something I would like to get back to. And I’m looking forward to finishing the tour and going to  Europe at the end of the summer with it. I’m very, very pleased about [my Feb. 26 performance at]  the Wiltern. I get to do the show for all my friends, and my trainer, all these people from Crunch. 

You’re really back in the limelight now. After not having been so high-profile in a while, how does it  feel? 

I guess it’s OK. I’m just happy anyway, so I can’t really tell. I’m just glad that people are having fun  with the show, that people are getting a lot from it, that it is somewhat of a transformative experience,  and that’s a high compliment for me. And that’s what I want to do. I just want to spread love. And I  want to do good. And I think I am. 
 

“I’m the One That I Want” is at the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angeles on Feb. 26. For ticket  information, please call 213/480-3232. You can also see more at www.margaretcho.net .