The “Fuck It” Diet

I have lost some weight which has set off a strange wave of paranoia among people that I have either had my stomach stapled or shut off with a rubber band, or am on some freaky raw food diet or whatever. What happened was that I was fucking sick and tired of dieting and working […]

Portland

Lately, I have been staycationed (as opposed to stationed, as I am not really doing anything in particular) in Portland, OR, a city where I have never lived but have visited often over the years. The immense paper and printed church of reading, or Powell’s, as it is known by name, always gave me at […]

Toast

There is a love I have for raisin toast that is indecent. It’s got to be a small loaf, in order to contain the raisins, and the cinnamon that is the raisin’s common-law companion. The best is when the bread has been freshly baked, but that is rare. I usually buy a loaf that looks […]

Friar’s Club

I have been in show business a long time, and remember being in the presence of Milton Berle, who had his own very privileged parking space at the Friar’s Club in Beverly Hills, where you wouldn’t dare park even if you knew full well he was not coming out that night. He was a rather […]

Present

Mcho Harley class

On the rented bike, a magnificent and majestic Harley-Davidson Sportster Low, with only three miles on it so far and the brand new shiny chrome catching the sunlight and beaming it back into the world in hard, blindingly brilliant rays, my emotions and opinions about motorcycling vary wildly from second to second. When I am […]

Fruitcake

Fruitcake is a strangely retro seasonal dessert, and it’s also an old timey vaguely homophobic slur that isn’t always about being gay, just more about being crazy with the silent agreement that gayness is the cause, which is probably a good assessment of me anyway. I am not fond of fruitcake as a food, although […]

Kim Jong Il

everything sunny all the time always

Kim Jong Il is dead, and the confirmation of this is something I had been waiting for, as I have long suspected that he had actually died years ago, and that the miracle of photoshop and an outsourced Hollywood publicist had kept him alive, rather than heart and lung machines. We had no way of […]

Weight Loss and What Trainers Don’t Prepare You For

I’ve been working out hard and watching my diet for several months now, and I am doing well. I enjoy exercise and it’s one of the few moments that I get to have to myself during a busy day. It’s not really so much about changing the way that I look as opposed to changing […]

Getting into My Body

One thing I learned about myself on “Dancing with the Stars” is how startlingly insecure I am about my body. I am thin enough, I suppose, but I know I am not as healthy as I can be. I felt clumsy and awkward among the svelte, swanlike figures of Jennifer and Brandi and Audrina – […]

On Being Invisible and Drop Dead Diva

I have heard some talk about my new show “Drop Dead Diva.” People are concerned that we are making fun of fat people or that it is a show about fat jokes or something ridiculous like that. I want to reach out and assure our potential audience that I would never condone or be involved […]