Ugly Pretty

Have you ever seen people who go out of their way to wear unflattering things because they are so good looking that they can pull off even the most terrible looks? This is very common amongst dancers. Their lithe bodies can take the most abuse from pleats and plaids. The straightness of their backs makes a fine counterpoint to the messy topknot, hair piled into a ball on the very top of their head like shiva. Shiva is the destroyer and the first thing on his list should be his hairdo, but who am I to argue with the divine? The river ganges is supposed to spout from his hairstyle, so there’s more going on in shiva’s topknot than just a chaotic updo achieved without a mirror during the first five minutes of yoga.

These hipster antihipster fashion forward folk are lucky in thrift stores and diving into a dumpster, and there is delicate art to their look, and most of it has to do with having narrow bones and a strict architecture that can show off a garment plain, without fitting. it just hangs, so that the thing can be seen for what it is, as opposed to having to negotiate the threaded turns and valleys of a shapelier figure. it’s not just about thinness, although this is an aspect to physical confidence which can help pull off a truly disgusting look. There is something of an attention to proportion and balance. ‘Ugly’ is just another form of pretty, and if you can actually master this, then you are a bit of a jedi, who also incidentally wear hideous and blousey and unfortunately belted garments and gross tiny braided tailed mullet hair that makes no sense of the head it is on.

Thick black eyeglass frames are essential, and I love these on everyone, no matter how insulting they are to the face underneath. I couldn’t ever wear these as I have no bridge on my nose. Yep, no bridge, but also no river flowing from my topknotted hair so frankly, I don’t need a bridge, but still, these glasses are a dream that will never come true for me. this is one part of ugly/pretty I really envy. The glasses I have a fetish for, truly.

A very short culotte with a cuff near the knee and big accordion pleats around the thighs and buttocks is another thing I would love to wear, but just cannot. I have only seen one person be able to do this. It’s so awful of a pant that only the most beautiful man I know could make it work for him, and the look is memorable and legendary. It’s a strange kind of shorts/pants hybrid that never got popular after the renaissance, like a poufy princely thing, that you could accessorize with a velvet pillow with a lone glass slipper resting on it, for your continuing search for Cinderella – when you really should be looking for new pants instead.

8 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. You know Margaret, I do know some folks like to wear rather slinky or wild attire to show off themselves. That being said, I prefer simple and even uniforms back in the day, when I was in air force. Women in the 70s in air force, wearing fatigues O.D. (olive drab) greens and blues, looked cool. I also prefer the asian garb as I saw in Japan, Philippines and Korea, very nice.

  2. Hmm… Now if I should be lucky enough to go to your Brunswick, what do I wear? Something loud but not over the top….

  3. that is so hilarious in differing ways depending how i read that beyond the fact that i just blew chunks on the computer after eating some scrambled eggs — if my lover had busted a nut by loosening his eggs it would be a different selling point than scrimping on another after all of these years of homophobic ventures pretending to be homo-inclusive. i have NO patience at all!! i should have had udon rather than the eggs — even those goose eggs that someone kept mentioning to hide a sense of bounty in my pouch of over-pleated shorts that are so hilarious to wear because they are so hideous. i figure the next time i blow chunks after someone trying to present me with scrambled eggs, i’ll have those big poofy pockets to puke so i can use it to fry scrapple and eggs over medium or medium is just over it.

    have a beautiful weekend!!

  4. I think the ultimate master of ugly/pretty isn’t a thin supermodel. She is the fictional character, Enid, from Ghost World, as portrayed by Thora Birch in the movie. She really pulls it off, and her body is very much like yours, including the bridgeless nose. She wears great geek glasses of all sorts. I love everything Enid, especially her thrift store fashion sense.

  5. This is without a doubt the most brilliant thing I have read in about a month. Thank you. I live in Austin, the “other” Portlandia, so this type of flinchwear is pretty much a daily part of what I will see when I leave my house every morning.

  6. p.s. why do all of these homo-friendly men wind up being boring metrosexuals?? GOD, this project is absolute SHIT here in miami with crack heads, pedophiles, and the MOST boring faggots i’ve EVER had in my life. GOD, save the world — ‘cuz they are eating SHIT. i’ve had a front row seat and homo-friendly is about as interesting a dry-humping.

  7. I also love the black frames, but I can’t wear them all the time, it’s like a part of the outfit… Sometimes I feel like they are essential & there are days when I get pretty sick of wearing them. But I still love them, you cant’t go wrong with Yves Saint Laurent vintage frames in black.
    I am also a big fan of ray ban wayfarer eyeglasses.

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