I have never gotten comfortable with having group sex even though I have done it a number of times. More than what I can count on my fingers and toes, which dishonors them for all their hard work. It did make my hands strong for guitar and motorcycle, but as for getting anything out of it besides having lots of sex I came up empty handed.

What is my main problem with group sex? It’s never sexy. That’s the plain truth, and that’s quite a disappointment.  I realize that the importance of sex is intimacy, the soul and all its components laid bare and set in front of another, and group sex, although it does affect the machinations of it, doesn’t accomplish it. There’s too many people. there’s too many factors that can cause a chain reaction of unpleasantness that is impossible to reverse, like a train with many passengers headed for a helpless maiden bound to the tracks.

You’re not likely to be attracted to every person in the bunch, which is no one’s fault, it’s just the way things are, and there is a level of compromised desire which I am frankly too old to consider. It takes a lot to get me off now, with my advanced age and dead tired nervous system. My wires are disconnected in some places, burnt out in others. The ends of them are frayed and there are frequent brown outs and flickerings and surges that defy prediction and more importantly, even the hope of repair. That happens as we grow old. There’s parts of the body we don’t even feel, don’t access or care about in the least, as if we die bit by bit every day, the gradual eventuality of oxidization. I am rusty and nearing the midcentury point. It’s all downhill from here and I need less of myself as I move on. I don’t think this is bad. This is merely life. I don’t judge myself for how long I have been here living it. It’s not my doing and its everyone’s fate. Whatever whatever. I am good and whole and going grey and its ok.

There is the fantasy of groups, the feeling of recklessness and delicious abandon, but all this pales in the face of harsh reality, and I don’t know if I can stand to fake it anymore, whether it is for an audience of 1 or hundreds. I should write a book about all my experience, as it has been quite a ride. I have many books in me. This I know.

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17 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. There is a big difference between walking alone into a large orgy of people you have never met and having sex with a small group of people you’ve known for years and care about. I’ve done both, and while I prefer the latter, I’ve had good experiences with the former. The best way I’ve found to enjoy large parties is to come with a partner or small group of close friends/lovers and do what we like to do. Sometimes people are attracted to us, and I’ve made a few good friends that way.

  2. The question I have: Is porn the best our society can do? Porn is a safe outlet for men, and the people who make it get paid. But it seems like there could be something better. Even men in relationships are porn consumers – it satisfies a drive in a “safe” “non-cheating” way. Would anything more be cheating (outside of a relationship that’s not stated as “open”)? Could there possibly be anything more that would not be seen as cheating to those who feel touching someone else is outside the realm of monogamy?

  3. “I have many books in me” – Yes! You do. I’ve read I’m the One that I Want 3 times because I love your writing style and you are a fierce story teller. I really do hope you will continue to write and share!

  4. “I have many books in me” Yes, you do! I’ve read I’m the One that I Want 3 times because I love your writing style and you are such a fierce story teller. I hope you will continue to write and share!

  5. Group sex is like a buffet – its great when you’re appetite for sex is insatiable and you aren’t quite sure what you want. But as you develop your tastes for certain things over others, the appeal and mystery turn into things you like or find boring. And no one wants to be the buffet tray that everyone looks at and says “not today, thanks.”

  6. That is just as I suspected. The idea of group sex is more exciting than the actuality. Sex does become less satisfying in general as you get older. I can vouch for that. Thanks for a really candid look at your misadventures in group sex. I suspect being in porn films would be equally if not even more unsatisfying, and I have fantasized about that as well. The meeting of two souls is what is really exciting and that doesn’t even need to involve sex. By the way, I have been having some strange, disturbing thoughts lately regarding you. I hope you are doing ok, I just have been feeling uneasy and fearful. Maybe that was brought on by the death of Whitney Houston. I hope I am just imagining things and you are in great shape. There just seemed to be a disturbing undertone to some of your recent posts. Then, when I started to comment and express my hopefully unfounded fears, I would screw up the recaptcha below and when that happens you don’t get a second chance to comment. It looks pretty clear to me this time, so maybe this comment will get through. But those problems increased my fearful feeling, like you weren’t meant to read those comments.

  7. love margaret — love your message as there are two things when i thought of you last night. #1) chop suey font with lovely imagery yet the emptiness or “smoke and mirrors” after years of black party promos while some pseudo homosexuals and fraudulent men have not only done homophobic acts, they have also bastardized and tarnished much of what some trusting intimacy is outside of a coliseum atmosphere or in the privacy of individual bedrooms removed from the invasive components that are secretly plaguing this society more than people are acknowledging. #2) in relation to intimacy, family, friends, and healthy bonds — when i think of “it gets better” and the unfortunate as well as ignorant placement of rodents to cure disease let alone the unease in teenagers during a difficult period of their lives and all they are experiencing in life. needy, drug addicted, alcoholic, fraudulent christian, pseudo homosexual, molesting, pedophile, slothful, codependent, dysfunctional, conservative, starched, agitating representatives for new paradigms are not what kids — let alone anyone — need in making change as well as sending message to kids that “it gets better”. but, group sex — i’m glad to be aging and not living under a bridge. but once a man, twice a child. i’d rather be a child or a man but not a 71-year old adolescent in denial about my drug abuse and the message that sends to my fellow classmates in junior high school when i should know better if i have wisdom outside of my regressions if not transgressions. have a beautiful day — just returned from a lovely sunrise and swim.

  8. A few parts may not work as well as they used to, but that can be handled by a change of pace and routine. Try a little white-water rafting or zip-lining in North Georgia while you’re here.

    One thing you can say is that you’ve lived life, so even with your ups and downs it hasn’t been boring. And for now realize you’re still hot (mentally and physically attractive)and desired by many.

  9. thank you every one for your comments! this is a funny one – and thanks for all your sweet words. russell – i am doing just fine! often what happens is i rearrange the order of all the posts and so some are from a long time ago, and some were written just now. this is a bit of an older one. also, there’s often a trend or underlying tone of depression or sadness in general in my writing. it’s not that i am a very depressed person, but it is something that i probably allow to show more than other aspects of my personality. i think i write about it – and disappointment – with great pleasure! so it makes me seem melancholy, when in truth i am pretty psyched all the time! i love you all!! m

  10. It seems that “group sex” is too much work! This is an oxymoron as sex is supposed to be the best fun you can have with your clothes off. A threesome involves choreography, pauses, rest periods…not realyy worth the effort.

  11. This is totally off topic from what you’re talking about in this blog entry. I read your blog everyday, checking and hoping for new entries (you’re an amazing writer) also I follow you on Pintrest and look at your boards and posts religiously. I also use Instagram a lot and though I’ve searched for your name or username I haven’t been able to find you and I am hoping that you have an account. If so it would be awesome and amazing if you’d be willing to share it with me. My Instagram user name is “bridget_hope” and not to sound weird or creepy, but even though I’m a stranger I’m also a very devoted fan and admirer. I’ve been to two of your shows when you came up to Alaska which is where I live. Your work and just being who you are, speaking your truth and calling things by their name has inspired and helped me throughout my life more than you will ever know. I wanted to take this opportunity since I’ve never commented on here before to say thank you frim the bottom of my heart and that while you may not know it you have helped me through many rough times in my life with your gift of bringing laughter, wisdom, intelligence, beauty, courage and truth into a world that needs all those things very badly and to me as well, who needs them just as much. So regardless. thank you Miss Margaret Cho. You are my hero.

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