Don’t forget that Karl Lagerfeld has a history of saying shitty things about women’s bodies – like this classic:
“No one wants to see curvy women. You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”
It’s the insult of the statement, not the word “fat”, but it’s hard for me to hear and to use that word without all of the baggage associated with it because it is a word that has been deliberately used to hurt me and its not been an easy thing to rid it of its intense connotations.
It’s like a knife. Is it going to cut you or is it going to butter you up? The first 1000 times it cuts you and so you’re going to be wary of it buttering you up because it’s gonna feel like a cut and you are going to bleed no matter what. Its an involuntary emotional reaction that I can’t control. I want to control it. Help me get it under control.
I have bad history with it. I got called fat when I was doing All American Girl and I didn’t eat after that and wound up in the hospital, my kidney failing at 24 years old. I also developed a heart murmur and still have bad shit my body won’t forget from that time. The incident easily cut at least a decade off my lifespan. I was perfectly healthy before. Now, I have to be a lot more careful.
I remember the phone call vividly.
The producer was my good friend. She was rad, a fun gal. She came to my trailer in secret and we smoked cigarettes where her kids wouldn’t see or smell it. I really loved her – I trusted her. I needed someone like her then. You need your women around you to keep you safe. I was young and scared and I just wanted a job for fuck’s sake. I was only trying to work.
She called huffing and puffing and saying that “your…….body……. was just toooo…… your face……. The …..fa..t….. you’re too fat. You are just so fat we can’t do this. You are too fat and we have to do something…… you have to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. ANYTHING.” and I felt like I was going to die and I nearly did. It was beyond my control, and almost 20 years later I am still utterly destroyed by any negative assessment of mine or any woman’s body. It’s not just me I bleed for when I am cut by this word, it’s everyone. I feel for all the world like I am feeling for all the world.
I give other people too much power because I can’t look the other way or shrug it off or ignore it or consider the source. I overreact because that is my nature, but at least it’s fairly poetic. What’s awesome is I can actually laugh about it. I really do.
I am laughing thinking about how stupid Karl Lagerfeld feels and how he has seen that talking the way he does about women’s bodies is worse for his business than he ever imagined. I am laughing thinking about him sweating his words and trying to fan that fear sweat away.
I am still boycotting Chanel, ha! As if I could afford anything they sell anyway!!! Hhahaha. It’s also ugly. Chanel shit is just ugly. Who gives a fuck about quilts? Hahahahhaahah fuck Karl and fuck Chanel. And fuck people who try to insult women by calling them fat. Fuck them all. Hahahahahahah.
I am actively trying to reclaim the word fat. I am actively trying to get better. But I do have a disease that is deadly as cancer or AIDS. Anorexia kills. Bulimia kills. I am still sick. I am in remission I guess, but the virus lives in me. Dormant for now. But it’s there.
I want to educate people about my disease. It’s caused by ignorance and casual cruelty. I want to stop the spread of my disease.
People thinking they can say whatever they want about women’s bodies and thinking they will not be held accountable? No, I am not having it. I wanna be like Fatgirl!! You could shine a big stretch mark in the sky and I will come whizzing through the night on my motorcycle to kick some douchebag’s ass!
If you think you can dismiss our beauty and belittle us you should just know, say what you will, but I am going to make you eat your words. Fatgirl is coming for you. Na na na na na na na na FATGIRL!!!!!!
And how about another FUCK YOU KARL LAGERFELD