Being Mad on Twitter

I have some wonderful new tattoos on my ass by the incredible Cris Cleen, who I love, and I posted a picture of them on twitter, which got many favorable comments but there were two negative ones, and I blew a fucking gasket. I screamed out loud and tracked the perps down and blocked them, but not before really ramming it to them in the strongest language I could use. It was over the top and really kind of ridiculous, but I cannot help myself.

Some outside facebook observer said that my “language” was too much and told me that I had “lost a fan” because she couldn’t condone my “language”. I am sorry for that, as I love my fans, and it sucks to lose one, but obviously she doesn’t understand that when you grow up the way that I did, with kids at school throwing rocks at my face because they hated it because it was so ugly to them and they wanted the blood from my wounds to cover it so it wouldn’t have to be seen and at summer camps stuffed dog shit in my sleeping bag because I was told time and again that I looked like shit – and that I had to empty myself in the dark forest and still sleep in smelling that shit all that night and for weeks after because my family was too poor to afford a new one, my “language” is on the strong side. I apologize for offending the former fan, but I am only myself. That is all I can be, and if I must apologize for that, I don’t mind. All I am trying to say is that no young girl should be told she is ugly. If she is, you kill her spirit, and she may grow up like me, and lose a fan.

I grew up hard and am still hard and I don’t care. I did not choose this face or this body and I have learned to live with it and love it and celebrate it and adorn it with tremendous drawings from the greatest artists in the world and I feel good and powerful like a nation that has never been free and now after many hard won victories is finally fucking free. I am beautiful and I am finally fucking free.

I fly my flag of self esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were ‘different’ and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.

If you were raised lovingly and told you were perfect and beautiful and loved and the best at all things, I am just jealous. You had it much better, and so you really should spread that love around as opposed to judging those like me who never had that, never knew what it was like and never could even imagine it. I could learn from you instead of feeling judged by you. Give the less loved and less cared for and less treasured a chance. If I had that opportunity, then my language and attitude might not be so offensive. If I had been told once when I was a little girl that I was pretty (other than when I was being sexually molested – that doesn’t count) it might have made me nicer. It just didn’t happen. So I had to make do and make up for it myself. And that made me a bit on the edgy side. It made me a bit of a bitch.

When someone says something negative about my face or body I will always and forever just completely lose my shit, because I have so much hatred in me, a violence that lies just beneath the surface of my delightfully illustrated skin. Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness and my image of myself as stunningly gorgeous with a ruthlessness and a defensiveness that I fear for anyone who casually or jokingly questions it, as my anger and rage combined with my intense and fearsome command of words create insults meant to maim, kill and destroy.

Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road. I take the low road and blows below the belt are my absolute favorite. The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge. My mouth and mind and typing fingers are weapons of mass destruction and I pity those ignorant idiots who would leave insults about mine or any women’s bodies in comment boxes because there’s ways of hunting people down. Lots and lots of ways. It’s not as anonymous as they think, as stupid as they are.

I’d like to say things that would haunt them for the rest of their days, because their hideous words stay with me eternally. Their insipid spouts of “no fat chicks” are branded onto my soul, so they must reap what they sow. If I am in my worst way and I talk to you, you will know you have been talked to. I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it’s just the way this life has made me.

I want to defend the children that we still are inside, the fragile sensitive souls who no matter how much we tried were still told we were not good enough. I want to make the world safe and better and happy for us. We deserve beauty, love, respect, admiration, kindness and compassion. If we don’t get it, there will be hell to pay. I am no saint, but I am here for you and me. I am here for us, and I am doing the best I can.

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429 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. You are beautiful for what you have gone through. You are gorgeous for standing up for all women and human beings who are told they are less than what they are. You are stunning on the inside and outside, and the artwork you display is a wonderful story and just as brave of you, because somedays something so lovely can turn into just one more thing people are judging you for. You are brave and strong and wonderful. People should feel lucky and blessed to have you as a friend and ashamed to call someone so true and real and passionate an enemy. You do need need to change, they are afraid of the ones they need to make within themselves.

  2. Okay so I read this on Jezebel first and then I followed the link to here… I love what you have written Margaret! You have a new follower!

    I was never told I was good or pretty or smart while growing up… I have a lot of scars on my inner child from the abuse I suffered as a child and through my teen years. Now as an adult I’ve learned to love myself… appreciate my Big Beautiful Body… to stand up for myself and say… I have just as much right to be here as anyone else does, and if you don’t like what you see… then fuck off! Though I have to say I’m not too good yet at telling people off who push it too far with me… I’m working on that!

    On the Jezebel they have a picture of a woman with a tattoo on her ass and I was wondering if it is yours? I have to say my first thought when I saw it was… Great tattoo! My second was… Nice ass! My third was… Ohhh cute thong undies, love those pink bows! ;-)

  3. Margaret, you mention “not choosing this face…..” and “learning to live with it…”

    What’s to live with? I think you’re quite pretty. Or, are you saying you are cursed with beauty? ;)

    Greg

  4. Margaret
    You’re beautiful. Especially in the way you love the community. I am a genderqueer Asian American native of San Francisco. I’ve followed your career my whole life and spent lots of time on Polk street like you. I feel like you’re the sister I never had. All my life I’ve been a big kid and I was raised be a super narcissistic ultra femme mom who used to tell me, you’d be so much prettier if you were skinny. Well I had bigger problem than that. I was a BOY inside! At 40 I had chest surgery which I paid for myself and feel so much happier and freer for it. You have always been so inspiring and brave to me. You’re so beautiful and thank you so much for your courage.

  5. Margaret, always know that you are loved and seen as a beacon of beauty by unimaginable numbers of people.

  6. Margaret,
    Love you, love your language, and I love your tattooed ass. I wish this statement were hard wired into Barbie’s mouth and sold on shelves across this country.
    A fan you gained!

  7. I love everything about you and what you do for women. It takes a kind of courage that other people can’t comprehend. Thanks for sticking up for us.

    p.s. Nice ass.

  8. For all of us that still hear the voices of the past in our heads, thank you for standing up. When we REFUSE someone’s hatred, when someone says something to us that’s wholly unacceptable, why should we sugar our responses??

    Bless you for your strength and beauty and grace. Even in the storm of your anger you are showing love for yourself and others.

    Those that don’t feel comfortable simply don’t understand.

  9. Margaret –

    Thank you. I, too grew up “fat, gross” and hating myself. I grew up in an abusive household where it was ok for a family member to call me a fat cunt all the time. I never felt safe from the harsh words, criticism and hate I felt from these family members. I was in a constant state of “fight or flight.” I never had any confidence, self love or the thought I could actually do anything right. Everything was my fault & I grew up afraid – of everything. And I thought it was my fault because I was fat. I drank, did drugs, was sexually promiscuous (I was also abused).

    I was also a hard bitch and I wore that with pride.

    It took many years of therapy, soul searching and a wonderful husband to finally make me realize that I am worth something , that I have a lot to give and that I am a great, caring, loyal friend & absolutely hysterical (I have been told:) I tell my inner child that I am here to protect her now and there is no need to be afraid.

    I can still be a hard bitch and you know what? I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck what other people think anymore. I am who I am, I am beautiful and I will cut you down if you fuck with me. I am not that abused little girl anymore.

    So you go on with your bad, beautiful self!

  10. Oh, and I have lost 60 pounds and now I’m told I’m beautiful. Whatever, I alwasy was and I just never knew it.

  11. Margaret,
    From a girl who WAS told she was “such a pretty little girl,” I applaud you. I admire, look up to, and respect you. And I think you are beautiful.
    I was “pretty” in the way people want you to be, but was never acknowledged for how intelligent, kind, introspective, and fucking COOL I was. I had to be PRETTY or I was nothing. I guess I am saying that because ALL women are put in little boxes, defined (and condemned to live within the tiny confines of that definition), unless/until we use ALL of our might, and ALL of our will to break open the box we have been suffocating in (for what feels like our entire lives). How one dimensional we make each other by putting “ugly” or “pretty” on as labels.
    To me, you are beautiful, both when I see your physical form, and when I see what’s inside. How amazing that you are willing to continue to stand against putting little girls into man-made cages of self hatred and self loathing. Thank you.
    I don’t want to be seen as pretty or ugly. I want to be REALLY seen. Instead, I grew up alone without one person ever wondering what the fuck made me tick. It sucked and I hated it and I am known as a bitch as well because I refused to be defined by my outer appearance (something that changes every day anyway.)
    NOw, as my outer beauty fades (I am almost 50!) I am glad I rebelled and know that I am so much more than how I look. ANd I am so glad I know how to see beyond what the media says is “beautiful.”
    I think you are the bomb diggity, girl. You make me proud to be a COMPLEX and MULTIDIMENSIONAL HUMAN.
    XOXO

  12. I Didnt see the message that was written about your new tattoos, but it was obviously very hurtful and im sorry that some one that hates them selves that much tried to make you feel as them. Your tattoos were beautiful in my opinion. Im not asian and i didnt grow up the same way you did, my life experiences and culture were much different, but from reading what you wrote, i understood EXACTLY how you feel. To be hated for body, for your family, for your wealth (or lack there of in my case lol)….. going through school i can not think of one day that was not sheer torture for me…. i was a very happy kid until i discovered that being ugly was what i was …..i was beat up everyday of my life emotionaly and phsically, spit on cause i wasnt rich, my glasses broke almost weekly cause i wasnt beautiful and literally beat until i couldnt move because i chubby. i remember one day i was walking home from school ( i was 7, an average day for me) and two boys had cornered me, 2 brothers that hated me for no reason that i knew of , they took turns holding me down and stomping my stomach they said it was to help me look better while they laughed i felt the little boy that i was die in me, when they finished i picked myself up along with my smashed glasses and my he-man lunch box and went home i couldnt understand why they hated me all i wanted was for someone , anyone to just like me for me , but for some reason that was impossible so i became a “ghost”. Until my high school years ended i ran to my classes and then ran home i didnt understand what it meant to have a friend or anyone who actually cared about me,i have family and i have brothers which made it that much lonlier cause everyone new what was happening to me but NO ONE tried to help me EVER. my best friend was my dog an tv …. i had come to the conclusion that it was me and that was wrong and the “cool” people had a some sort of birth right to hate me cause i didnt look as good as them. Im not 100% sure my parents knew the full extent of just how bad it was for me or just the sheer terror i felt as i opened my eyes in the morning to get up get dressed an go to school with the other kids, the panic attacks i would hide cause i had to get on the bus or the bloody clothes i came home with all the time because ” i had fallen again” the shame i had inside just wouldnt let me tell them the whole truth ….but i really wish they had of asked or helped because the hundreds of beatings that i had to go through would of been alot easier knowing your coming home to someone who cares about you, but they decided at the age of thrirteen i was ready for the world and threw me out …. im not really sure why they did and just left me, but somehow i made my way and now im a 31 year old man typing this surprisingly too after the many attempts of suicide. That at the time seemed my only way to rest to stop the pain and hurt that i seen and felt every day all day…. i felt dead inside already and felt pretty worthless and alone i figured id be doing the world justice if it didnt have to see me anymore. But thankfully i had no idea what i was doing and im still here as the man iam today. Again im really sorry that you had to grow up feeling the f**kin shit that i felt but it did make you the women you are today and quite a funny one i might add. I love your comedy (perhaps cause i can relate) if someone doesnt like the language that you use F**K em if some one doesnt like you F**K em.

  13. YOU ROCK! AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Wow Margaret, my deep and sincere RESPECT to you. Thank you.

  14. I have to say that anyone who would dare put down another person for the way they look only does so because they truly hate themselves. They think it makes them feel better about themselves and some how makes them feel better which is truly sad. But I don’t think they realize how pathetic it makes them look to try and put someone else down to make themselves feel better. So I have to say BRAVO to you Margret for putting those pathetic individuals in there place and maybe they will think twice before they say anything about the way someone else looks. I am a fan for a long time and will always to continue to be no matter what you say to defend yourself and other women of the world. LOVE YOU MARGRET for being who you are and for being a strong woman who doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.

  15. I am a very twisted twitter persona of a RL professor, who was tormented in school for being small, dark, and smart. I have had many a last laugh on those ignorant fools (though two of them apologized to me later in life). But that is not why I am sending you this message of pure Love.

    I comment here because you simply *rock*. By uplifting each other’s souls in mutual affirmation, we shall leave the sad sacks left behind to wallow in a lifetime of ill karma. What better revenge can there be?
    Nameste

  16. I just want to say this: I have tried to watch your comedy routines, and have never really been a fan, but after reading this, I am now a huge fan of you as a person. You. Are. Awesome!!

  17. Throw my name onto the list of women you’ve gained as fans, as a direct result of this “rant.” I wish I felt the ferocity, the boundary-stalking snow leopard inside of you, that refuses to accept this bullshit from others. Instead, I have a small cowardly voice that says, “maybe they are right.”

    But you give me the most powerful kind of hope.

  18. I have been a fan for a while… as in, I laugh at your stand-up, have bought a CD or two of yours – not a super-fan, but a fan. More an acquaintance than a friend, you could say.

    After reading this, I want to hug you and thank you and move with you to ChoLand, that beautiful country of fierce, beautiful women of all different shapes and kinds and the men who respect them, that walls out all the haters and bigots and fools and viciously repels any invasions.

    Thank you for giving eloquent and fierce voice to a rage that I have felt for a long, long time… I only wish I could think of a tattoo that would beautifully and permanently ink it on my skin for the world to see and fear. But no matter, as it is inked on my heart.

  19. Dear Margaret,
    I just read your letter on Jezebel.com regarding the negative feedback you received about your new bum tattoos, and I just wanted to see how inspired I was by your words. Right On Sister! I didn’t know those things about your life and I saw some of my life in what you said.
    I’m like you. I say it as it is. We stand tall, or we fall.
    Kinda followed you over the years and have enjoyed your work, but let me tell you… You may have lost a couple of fans, but you just made a new one.
    All the very best,
    Jason

  20. I have never followed your page prior and have never been a fan before, but an author I read re-posted this and I had such a “Fuck YEAH!” moment.

    You may have lost one or two fans for such language, but you have gained one in return.

    Language is not offensive, it is a medium to be turned, meshed, and melded in order for you to express yourself to the fullest extent. Not only are you incredibly intellegent, you are beautiful. The ass tattoo is pretty fucking awesome to boot.

  21. M,
    Fuck Yes!
    Thank you just doesn’t say it.
    I was wondering what kept that asshole a “fan” before b/c
    haven’t you always said it like you see it, in the way you feel it?
    Reading your words this morning, over coffee, gave me just the punch I needed to face today.
    V

  22. Margaret, I am in love with you. If I had known you when I was a glunky ugly child who only ever wished to feel pretty even some of the time, we would have been best friends and I would have told you that you were beautiful on a regular basis, and we could have shoved the dog shit back down the throats of the little fuckers who had so little to do that they had to make feel crappy about ourselves. I hope that what you said to those cockbags on twitter made them feel so horrible they wouldn’t look in a mirror for the rest of the week.

  23. You are oh so beautiful inside and out! Your anger your pain your outrage your fist raised high in the air your insecurities your bravery your championing girls everywhere to not accept any beauty as standard comparative but believing in the righteous beauty inside and out contained within all Women!
    Rock on Margaret you are a hero to me!

  24. YES! Thank you! Margaret, I am tripping over my words to say it right–We are all so lucky that you love yourself, that you survived all those lies and abuse and took them and spun them into webs of brilliance and gorgeousness. I wish you could hear all the stories of people you inspire, whose lives you have helped save. When he was in 7th grade, my little brother-friend, a chubby gay queeny adopted brown boy who’s mom had just died made everyone call him M-Cho because you were his hero. He was so beautiful and perfect, but you were the only person who made him feel that way. He’s grown now, but we still watch your stand up together and repeat lines for days. You make a HUGE difference. You are so beautiful you are beyond beautiful. Know that you are loved and supported by so many fans 100% when you need to bitch out some idiots. We see you, love you, thank you, need you. I only hope I can be so simultaneously badass and loving at the same time someday. Sending giant asshole-blocking hugs to you, Margaret. Thank you.

  25. If I had a time machine, I’d go back and punch a lot of people on your behalf. I’d also bring you a new sleeping bag.

    I’m holding my sleeping baby girl, and I hope she never has to deal with the kind of awful crap you were dealt as a kid. I also hope she doesn’t grow up to be one of the mean ones.

    Love and hugs for you!

  26. Hey Margaret:

    As a woman who has definitely been ostracized, dismissed as a sex object and attacked based upon my appearance (get a load of all the nasty comments on the above YouTube link, to an interview that I conducted last summer. Most of the commenters had little to say about the interview or artist; they simply wanted to ruin my day by telling me how ugly I am,) I relate to your rage, your pain and your tough exterior (I have developed one of my own, and it often causes people to refer to me as a bitch, rather than the loving person that I actually am, just like you.)

    So thank you for posting this, Margaret, for taking a loud stance for all of us, for championing and celebrating those of us not “good enough” to be classified as one of the “beautiful people” (thank you, Manson) by whoever the hell it is that sets these stupid standards and, hopefully, making some kid feel better about themselves.

    This morning, you are my hero.

    Sincerely, Deb Draisin

  27. I have always enjoyed your comedy from the earliest exposure of your first TV appearances, and from the first time I saw you on TV I thought you were amazingly gorgeous. You’ve gotten slimmer since then, but you were/are always beautiful. I won’t say “Don’t let them get to you” because no one should tell you how to handle yourself. I say I’m proud of you – and maybe it doesn’t mean much from some stranger on the internet, but I hope the words last with you.

  28. First of all you’re still hot. You were hot when I first saw you and I think you’re beautiful now too.

    Good for you, standing up for yourself and those who need a strong voice.

  29. The child in me is thankful to you for standing up and facing insensitivity and ignorance. I love you. You an inspiration, Margaret!

  30. I can understand your passion and your anger and I love your words. Particularly the paragraph … ‘I fly my flag of self esteem…’

    I was bullied all through school, two boys would stalk me, harass and spit on me in my first school.. and then after moving to another area completely, I’d hoped it would end, but then a girl took over, and she was my bully for the next 7yrs. My friends had to step in as a barrier to stop her from physically assaulting me many times and other times I wasn’t so lucky.
    The worst part was I never knew why… I was petite… innocent I guess, but that’s the only difference I can address. There was little name calling, just that I was her focus of anger. Her outlet so to speak. It didn’t help that I also had a father who was brutal with his own words.
    So any negative comment now can bring up an instant well of emotions and I feel as if I’m back there, looking over my shoulder with the same intensity.
    It’s over 20yrs now, and I’m still addressing the impact this has had on me. I’m having to work on not being my own bully! Crazy, but it’s true…
    So, this is why I can totally understand the rage you felt, Margaret. I thank you for speaking up against anonymous bullies on the web who think they can get away with it freely. Thank you… and by no means censor yourself. It is underestimated the damage made to another by cruelty. Your words only put it into context, and give us a scale of the damage that’s done.
    I praise you for loving yourself. I’m on my way to reaching that same place of acceptance. I hope I get there soon. xx

  31. Margaret that was so deep, wow. First let me say I’ve been a fan of your’s since I was a child and now I’m almost 30 years old. From your concert (with the black leather jumper where you discussed “Sunday School, and who would burn” lol) to “I’m the One I Want” you’re awesome. I was bullied too, being over 200 lbs. in middle school, it was hard, so hard in fact I quit school.

    The people who are “victims” of these verbal or text attacks have to protect ourselves with wisdom and self-esteem. Allow me to be cliched and say that to err is human, no one is perfect and those who have to attempt to destroy another human being’s image is living proof of that. If said person was happy with themselves and felt they were so fabulous why dwell on someone you deem to be beneath you. Self-love is the greatest love on this plain of existence we can have to defend ourselves against external foes.

    That said, you’re beautiful, intelligent and you have tons of people who adore you, go girl!

  32. Dear Margaret,
    you are wonderful. I have never seen, heard or read you before, but now I most certainly will keep reading here. Thank you so much for being who you are and being angry and not f**king taking it. Because when you bash back and say it’s not f**king ok to talk about people’s (and especially women’s) bodies the way the Anonymous Internet Bullies do, you make ME want to bash back too, and about 300 other people who’ve commented here so far. The army of people fighting the hate is growing. Maybe this might even give someone the courage to bash back in “real life” as well?

    Also, count me in as one of your gained fans.
    Best wishes
    /Reb

  33. Keep your head held high, girl! You are truly an inspiration to all women everywhere, and quite frankly the best comedian I’ve ever seen! Also, you are beautiful inside and outside and don’t let anyone tell you different!

    Love and adoration always,

    Kristine Noelle Hanks

  34. I can’t believe the amount of time, energy, and money we spend in trying to destroy one another mentally, physically, and emotionally. Why, and what does it accomplish in the end?

    You’ve not only survived, but you seem to have a firm grasp of all the dynamics that have produced the person you are today. I find that totally amazing and very admirable, and it shows how strong, bright, and beautiful you really are.

    Kudos, girl, XOXO! :)

  35. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to us all. Thank you for not apologizing for who you are, and for continuing to be an important role model.

  36. Add me to the “just gained another fan” list. Thank you for this, Margaret. I’ll sleep feeling a little more empowered tonight.

  37. Margaret, I look up to you so much. My experiences have been nowhere near as traumatizing as yours, but I’ve always struggled with self-esteem and body image. Thank you SO MUCH for your strong words and for defending kids like me from our society’s obsession with one specific type of beauty. So much love for you.

  38. margaret, your ass, your body, your face, and your mind are beautiful.

    when my erstwhile friend made some offhand remark about feeling personally aggrieved that anyone would dare show their \cellulite and jiggle,\ i exploded in a hot ball of rage. two years later, the flames of my anger have still not died down.

    to everyone who thinks women’s bodies are dumping grounds for judgement: FUCK YOU

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