My Friend

A young friend of mine died today. I am feeling very sad and quiet. Here is a letter I wrote to him a few weeks ago.

I know you are dying, and I am sorry for that, and you are young, just barely getting started living but life is unfair always, this is what I know, being some years older than you, life is very unfair. But what is fair, is that we will all die, we will all join you soon, and where you are going is infinitely better, and in the end, we will all be glad that you got there first so that when we all arrive you can show us where everything is, especially the pool and stuff.

Where you are going they won’t have to put those big needles in your chest and you won’t have to be in these hospitals and your hair will be great all the time. Every day in heaven is a phenomenal hair day.

I know what hurts is that we will miss you. I cannot even imagine what it will be like for your family, your friends. All of us here. I can’t imagine. they will be sad and missing you more than words can express so even though I know you will be happy and good and ok and better than fine, I feel bad for all of us. Your presence is irreplaceable and to live without you, well that’s too much to bear. But you, you will be great. amazing. Better than ever. Better than ever.

I hope that dying isn’t scary, and that you go into the light and you don’t get lost in there and that it’s all easy. I hope that you don’t have to get a connecting flight and that you can get direct into heaven. I am contacting all the dead people I know to come and get you. They will have a sign with your name and they will hug you and love you and welcome you and you will already have a lot of friends so it won’t be like the first day of school or anything. There will be lots of people you can sit with in the cafeteria.

I wish we could have spent more time together on earth, but I will be seeing you soon anyway. You can make me ice cream in all kinds of flavors and it’ll be heaven and so even though it does have carbs we can eat as much as we like. You can show me more about cooking and we can laugh and have fun and I look forward to then.Goodbye for now. Just for a little while. Goodbye you sweet beautiful boy. I love you.  m

26 thoughts on “My Friend

  1. For The Memory Of…

    A loss of the one you love is so very sad.
    Your life with them was nothing short of great,
    But still you seem to hesitate.

    If you only knew what little time there was,
    So much more precious would they be.
    One month earlier or even three.

    Looking back seeing thier smile,
    Their hair blowing wildly in the wind.
    You would love to start it all over again.

    Your heart feels heaviest now,
    In your sadness and time of grief,
    Everyones praying for some kind of release.

    You still dont believe it,
    Just the day before they were around,
    only in your heart now, can they be found.

    How special that someone in our life is.
    We only realize when its a little too late,
    What gift we’ve been given to celebrate.

    Now only God can heal your wound.
    Dont keep the pain in your mind.
    The hurt will dull it may take some time.

    Remebering thier spirit,
    The laughter the hugs, and all the love,
    Its all you should be thinking of.

    By Ellie Quigley January 29, 2000

  2. Your words to your friend were soulful and beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that the good memories you have of him will be a comfort to you. No doubt he is in a better place now, free from pain.

  3. That’s the coolest bye for now letter ever. Beats all the drippy “my heart will ache in sorrow” shiz. I hope one day someone writes me something like this. At least your friend had enough forewarning to enable all his loved ones to do this. When we lose someone suddenly, we are all robbed of the goodbyes. You’re a great friend to him, Margaret.

  4. What I learned when my father passed was that the death of a loved on is very much like them moving away. I know we will see each other again one day, but I have no idea when. In the meantime I am reminded of him frequently (or, more likely, remind myself), sometimes in the silliest and unconventional of ways. Our bond was/is unconditional and subsequently transcends the distance between us. He is never further away then my memory, and that realization came to me very soon after he died. Yes, the was much grief and pain and sorrow initially, but it faded quickly as I learned how near my father really was, always had been. I wish you peace, dear Margaret, and joy in continuing to love your friend until you meet again.

  5. A beautiful and heart-felt letter to a dear friend that helped get then through a tough time. Words that shine through a dark time like that and keep them smiling, thank you for sharing because not only did this help your friend it also help me heal from losing my sister in October and I will say again…thank you.

  6. As one faces the way in which are called back into
    the Light & the Essence of our beginning the World seems to pull us back everso selfishly.
    The ultimate act of kindness & understanding is when we can stand beside that person who is on that journey and say, “Be at Peace my Friend for I must let you go on ahead of me, I will rest assured here in the dark knowing that you will wait for me just beyond the Light so that I may see you again on the Bridge.”
    Margaret Cho you are a true friend for the person on their journey, rest easier now you have said Go.
    Hugs from Kentucky and I hear the wisdom in your pain, Mark

  7. Much love & light to you…
    What a beautiful letter 🙂
    Lost my sister 2 years ago…
    I think of her evèry day ….
    With a smile 🙂

  8. I love this. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I’m sure you brought as much happiness to his life as you do to all of ours!

  9. “I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to meet and mingle with each other. Then some one at my side says, “There! She’s gone!” Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in the mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, and not in her. And just at that moment, when some one at my side says, “There! she’s gone!” there are other eyes that are watching for her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “There she comes!” And that is—dying.—”

  10. Dear Margaret,

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter. I’m weeping into my coffee mug and drinking my own tears! It makes me so grateful for the time I have with my sons and for their good health. I wish I could hold them forever! I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.

    I’m sending you a big, warm hug.

    Love, Aimee

  11. Sorry for your loss, I’ve lost a couple close friends too and it’s very painful and something no one should go through but at some point we all have to. You are an amazing friend and anyone having you in their life is truly blessed.
    So much love from Indian Land SC.

  12. Moran sorry to hear of your loss. I have been to the edge of life 2X in 6 yrs (14 coma in 2005 and Heart surgery last year)Life is a Coin with 2 sides birth and death the key is not to place more importance on heads or tails, both sides are of equal strength in cosmic balance. My condolences and also assurance that the cut you feel in this loss will heal. Do your best and you honor those who have led the way into the next Phase.
    Love Froggy Blues

  13. I’m not a person who cries at sentimental stuff, but was almost bawling while reading your post. Your friend was (is) lucky to have you and visa versa.
    Thank you so much for sharing this.

Have something to add?