I did a big round of showbusiness yesterday, lots of talk shows and talking back to little things in my ear into cameras at far away presenters as it rained cats and dogs outside. On every show there was much talk about Lindsay Lohan and her stolen purse. Firstly, the purse itself cost $5000 so I think it should at least have come with some sort of alarm or viper arm or at the very least an old school 90s club to put across the straps to keep it from getting ripped off.

Also she was carrying $10,000, which was unfortunately not returned along with the later thankfully recovered purse. How does one acquire that much cash? I can only get out $500 (minus the $3 ‘processing fee’ which I am always mad about) at a time at the atm and only if I am extremely lucky that day. I’d have to go to the atm every day for how many days to get that much money providing I don’t forget a day, or spend it without thinking and that’s only assuming my paltry account can take it? I can’t even count that high.

The other hot topic was Lindsay’s leaked photoshoot from Playboy. I must say, I love playboy, and I love whenever someone fairly scandalous does a nude shoot. It’s the highest and most alarming level of base self-promotion and therefore it is thrilling to no end. I love it when celebrities get down and dirty and all Madonna’s SEX book because that is the best, when non-porn people do porn. It is awesome and I buy into every issue to pore over the pages and the strange inert quality of the private parts of the really very famous. I would love to do this but there are no takers unfortunately.

The pictures of Lindsay are beautiful, as she is a stunningly pretty girl, and all of the bad publicity and jail time haven’t changed that, which is the great promise of youth, the enduring freshness that can withstand even head on collisions with trains. Her derailment hasn’t been drugs or passing out inside of hoodies in the front seats of cars or lack of undergarments or compulsivity around necklaces though, rather the myth of the tragic ingénue has been her downfall, and the Playboy photos say it most eloqently.

The sadness I feel about Lindsay has more to do with the media’s casting of her as Marilyn Monroe, swaddled in red velvet, sad eyes and vermillion lips, and a framing of her story as if it has already ended. These magazines constantly show her as if she is already dead and I feel scared and freaked out and mad like why can’t they just give this kid a fucking chance?

It is a revival of the terrible trajectory played out by Anna Nicole Smith, an eventuality that I hated seeing and could do nothing to stop and now it happens again with another beauty and yet we stand by and just watch as a purse gets stolen and a life gets stolen and in the face of all this burglary we are witnessing on the world’s stage we are distracted as our humanity gets stolen right out from under us.

9 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. Finally someone comes out in the defense of this girl. I still think she is one of the prettiest actresses out there, and im still on the side rooting for her. we are all guilty of being tabloid junkies to an extent, and she has been their fodder for years. Im still holding out, shes crazy talented, i know she can back on her feet.

  2. I always feel badly for Lindsay Lohan, like she is being used to entertain us by being portrayed as an unrepentant fuck-up. She’s, essentially, a victim of arrested development; yes, she’s all grown-up, but she has nowhere to go where anyone will say “it’s ok because no one figures this stuff out the first time around.”

    In a lot of ways, she has managed to sail through all this with a lot of bravado, but I wonder if it is because she feels that way or because she feels there’s nothing else she can do. Today I read that she dressed for court appropriately. As if that is the important part, as if that makes her worthier of a chance.

    I don’t know. I wish she had been my kid. And my kids are not perfect, mind you, but when we talk about stupid things they do, they don’t walk away feeling desolate, and I think there are times when Lindsay Lohan feels desolate because they’ve already stamped her as a has-been with no chances left.

  3. Amazing post, you dont know how many people root for Lindsay. She is a very talented woman. Thank you for this post.

  4. As Lindsay walks to the bank with her giant check from the photo shoot, I don’t know that she will be feeling anything was stolen from her. Though I agree as humans we all deserve 2nd chances, at some point you have to accept that you are in charge of yourself. She said she wanted to do the photo shoot, and if she didn’t like it, she could walk away. Nothing was stolen from her….her “life” wasn’t stolen from her ever. She is in charge of herself, and when she owns this entirely, she will get on the “track” that works for her.

  5. Julie, I know she is an adult and she should be in charge of herself, but… Wouldn’t you say that she was somewhat misused and mismanaged by her parents? This affects some people in a deeper sense than it affects others. We don’t know if, when she was very young, she had to be more mature than her parents or if she felt responsible for the state of their relationship.

    I have kids and I can tell you that they do carry things with them that we, as adults, have thought are inconsequential. The difference is I have not put the onus of caring for the family on our children. I don’t know the Lohans so I’m just going to say what impression I glean from the press they generate: those parents think of themselves first, and that damages children because they are constantly attempting to fill in blanks and compensate.

    Yes, Lindsay Lohan will hopefully be able to put a lot of the things that weigh her down behind her. She’s got a lot of growing up to do still. That she is legally an adult doesn’t mean that emotionally she is one; this can be said about a lot of people. The train wreck that her life has become is being propelled by those of us observing it from the outside and thinking “gosh, I wonder how long it’s going to take her to fuck up again.” The press is waiting for it…crouching and signaling like Johnny Bench…

  6. I love this Margaret. I have never given up on Lindsay Lohan i think she is a beautiful woman and also very talented.The media has been on her for a long time and its very unfair.I think she is a very strong person to go through what she has and still be ok

  7. Margaret, is there a way to show support for Lindsay. I have thought and felt much the way you do. Surmising that each generation will have those that get the spotlights shone into their faces for one reason or another. Despite the things Lindsay has done to end up locked up, she is human in a magnifying industry where people’s misery becomes the fodder for some people’s mills!

    If you see Lindsay, tell her that there are those of us on her side, for good or for bad!!

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