Downtown

There is something going on downtown. It’s really bad. It seems that I have had some kind of gastrointestinal attack – I don’t know what this is caused by. Normally I don’t have stomach issues. I have an iron belly which can digest anything including woodchips and metal. I have the strongest digestive system I know. The only thing I cannot handle is squid – which makes my lips swell up like Angelina Jolie. It actually looks really pretty, but then I can’t breathe.

I think dancing now 3-6 hours a day is making me swallow a lot of air – like when I make my dogs fun chew toys with a treat in the middle. They go crazy for them licking and pawing them to make the little bite of food hidden inside come out, and then a few hours later, the entire house smells like a hot springs or a mineral pool – it’s just fart fart fart. I am on my tour bus and the back smells like a giant fart. Like you are living inside a fart. Its so stinky I can’t believe it. it smells totally different from the rest of the bus. The front smells normal, the back – it’s like there was a gas leak. I hope the smell doesn’t reach into the bunks like an evil brown finger, tickling the noses of the innocent and asleep. Sometimes becoming a beautiful dancer is not so pretty.

8 thoughts on “Downtown

  1. “The front smells normal, the back – it’s like there was a gas leak.” i have that same problem……wait what are we taking about?

  2. Sorry about the gas chamber effect — though, to put it in perspective, it’s got to be almost infinitely preferable to, say, shitting yourself in your car. An experience with which I greatly sympathize, and hope to never to be remotely able to empathize.

    That much said, kudos on the 3 to 6 hours of dancing every day. I know it’s in the line of duty, not a personal exercise regimen; but jeebus, that’s hard work. I couldn’t hack it if my life literally depended on it, whereas I’m pretty sure you could drop the gig at any moment without without the slightest negative impact on your career. And, flying spaghetti monster bless you, I can’t imagine that at this point you need the paycheck.

    All of which is a rambling, self indulgent way of saying you are a helluva trooper 🙂

    (sudden realization) …Aaaaaugh, now I have to actually watch Dancing With The Stars.

    (damn stupid spell-check doesn’t recognize “Aaaaaugh” as a word, even though it’s in the Oxford English Dictionary: Aaaaugh – interjection – 1. the sound made by Charlie Brown
    when Lucy yanks the football away at the last minute.

    In conclusion, I live to listen to myself type.

  3. Hi Margaret,

    Doesn’t sound like much fun.
    I think it’s probably got to do with all the dancing you’ve been doing. It uses a ton of different muscle groups and your body’s probably just adjusting to all of the movement.

    I think your body will adapt and it should clear up, but if it doesn’t then I’d definitely go see a doctor to check it out.

    In the meantime, I know about a few foods, herbs that help with digestion and lessening flatulence: Caraway, Epazote, Lemon, Ginger, Cinnamon, Green tea… and really any tea…

    I’m sure there are a few more on that list, but I know you can figure the others ones out. =)

    Hope you’ll feel better and I’m looking forward to seeing you dance soon!

    Love,
    Jessica

  4. I never watch Dancing with the Stars, but since you’re on this season, I’m watching tonight for the first time, and I thought you were great! If I was in the US, I would definitely be voting for you tonight.

  5. I watched you on “Dancing With The Stars” tonight. I loved the way you danced, your choreography , movements, and the bit you did at the end was both sexy and hilarious. I thought those judges were really mean and delusional. No wonder I haven’t paid much attention to that program before. You looked so vulnerable, I saw your parents in the audience and I know they were proud of you. I did call up and vote for you at 1-800-868-3405 even before I saw the end of the dance. I liked the way you folded that woman into your wings – that was cute – and I wondered if you might kiss her in there. If you are on again I’ll watch, but those judges sucked so much I doubt I’d watch it again if you’re not in it.

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