David Duke Cock

John Mayer is deeply sorry, and everyone is accepting it. Our society allows racism in people as long as there is an apology after. It’s better if it is tearful and really should be accompanied by an icon like Rev. Al Sharpton or Bishop Desmond Tutu in your corner, like they have your back. Like they are gonna notarize your ‘hood pass.’

I am angry about the hateful word he used. And I am super mad about the other thing….What does it mean that he has a “David Duke cock?” Is that supposed to mean that women of color are not sexy and beautiful? That women of color are unfuckable to him? That is rude and disgusting and I don’t care if his music is good (I don’t know it well, so I can’t say. I only love Jon Brion and Garrison Starr and Ani Difranco and Grant Lee Phillips and Tegan and Sara and Cypress Hill and Billie Holliday and Doria Roberts and Fiona Apple and Joan Armatrading and MIA and The Cliks and Miles Davis and David Bowie and Ben Lee and Susie Suh and Rachael Yamagata and Andrew Bird and I don’t know much about how John Mayer sounds).

What I do know, is to say you have a ‘David Duke cock’ is demeaning to women of color. What I know is it’s a slap in the face to all beautiful women of color. And I must say, it’s hard enough to be a woman of color in this world and feel beautiful. It’s hard enough to live in this skin and feel good without having rock stars saying that you are not worthy. We feel unworthy enough. Society tells us enough we are not worth it, by not including us in anything. By not showing us in our glory. We are not presented in the movies or TV as much as beautiful desirable creatures. We are barely shown at all. And then you – John Mayer – rock ‘god’ tell us that we are not fuckable? I don’t care if you don’t want to fuck me. But keep this to yourself. Keep the idea that you don’t like to fuck women of color to yourself. Keep it from our ears because we don’t need to hear that the man who would say “your body is a wonderland” really only means it if our bodies are white, if our hair is blonde. If we are Jessica Simpson. And only if we are Jessica Simpson.

Keep this from the ears of all the young beautiful young girls who love you, who have your posters on their walls and now are looking at those posters and feeling weird because they are not white and now your music, which they so loved, makes them feel bad inside. Like you don’t love them. Like you never did. Like if you saw them you would look the other way. Like they’d be invisible to you because they are not white. These young girls who are not white – they loved your music so much and you are paying them back for it with arrogance and blistering hatred that you don’t even know would hurt like it did. I am glad not to have known your music before this and been a fan of it, because if I loved you before and you said that, it would make me hate myself even more than I do already. This revelation of yours would have crushed me. If I was a young fan of yours and you said that it would hurt me so much. Thank god I am not. Was not. But I am hurting now for the many many many many many young girls who are fans of yours. You wounded them and they will never be able to heal. Ever. I hope you read this. I hope you think about this part of it. it’s not been talked about in press. But I hope you know that part. The young girls who love you who are not white. Think about them. So it keeps you from doing it again.

I try to think about Duran Duran, and how I loved them and how they always had women of color as objects of desire in their videos. In “Hungry like the Wolf,” Simon was chasing down a beautiful black/asian mixed girl. In “Rio,” she was latino with curvy hips and black hair and a bright bright smile. If they’d said something back then like what you said John Mayer, I would have killed myself. I would have died. If they said only white girls got them hard, it would have been the end of me.

It’s sickening to think that we can exist in a world where these words of hate can be cast off quickly without repercussion or blame. People forget. But that doesn’t make racism go away. It infuriates me because I can’t cast off my ethnicity with an apology. These are people who have never been discounted because of their race. They’ve never been left out of a comedy show because they’ve already got an asian or a gay or a woman. They’ve never been passed over for a part because the producers decided not to ‘go ethnic.’ They’ve never had to endure the invisibility that people of color live with on a daily basis.

I am so used to being invisible it stuns me when people pay attention to what I say. I am so used to blending into the scenery that it’s shocking that anyone cares what I do. I am so used to people looking at me like I am ‘the help’ that it doesn’t even bother me. I just stay there and I try to help. And I don’t care. These stars who toss about racist hateful speech have never felt what it feels like to be called something hateful – that they cannot deny. They’ve never been in that situation, when you are a victim of hate, but you have to agree. That is what racism is. What hate speech is. Why it’s so terrible is that the word you may have called me – it’s correct, in your racist estimation. It hurts because its meant to. That is why we don’t use those words. Because of the history and the pain and the shame and the tears and the rage they have caused.

Even though I love Lenny Bruce, I do have to say, I disagree when he says that these words can’t hurt you. I think they do. They hurt me. When people use hate speech, it hurts me. It hurts even though I am not that particular race. It hurts because I know what it feels like to be in an inescapable skin. I can’t escape this color. I can’t be the right color. I can never.

It could be hard too for those who are not ‘of color.’ I am never going to be white, and I’m never going to know what it feels like to have the responsibility of not being a racist. I guess I feel bad for white people sometimes because they do have to watch what they say, but then again, it really doesn’t matter does it? Michael Richards is back on tv, and it’s cool. Everyone’s forgotten his terrifying, violent rant that to me sounded like what klansmen would say before they lynched someone in the 30s. I don’t know him, and I don’t know personally that he’s a racist. All I know is that in the two times that I have seen him in public, close enough to touch, he has been screaming at someone, and those people were not white. I guess he was sorry because he got caught doing what he normally does and it was on TMZ and it made him look bad to the world. He was super sorry about it. Way super sorry. And that is nice that he was sorry. He even went to Mexico behind it, as if there was some special retreat for racists there where you could read bell hooks and Angela Davis and Cornel West all day and think about what is wrong with you and right with them.

Dog the Bounty Hunter never left the small screen. His racism was kind of just buried under that amazing mullet. I don’t know if he is racist, but I think his hair is racist.

And Mel Gibson never had to stop making movies. He is even in a big one now. Really big. And no one mentions a thing.

Does racism hurt your career or is it good for it? I don’t know. If I was white, I think I would try to be as racist as possible because it keeps you current. Keeps you relevant. People will tweet about you more. People will be outraged but you’ll still be on the homepage of Yahoo and everyone will want to know exactly what you said, when you said it, and how you said it. And aint that showbiz?

93 thoughts on “David Duke Cock

  1. You are absolutely right and I never thought about it like this before. I wish you weren’t right. It made me think of “Burke” (don’t know his real name). He made comments about TR Knight and BAM – he’s off the show.

    Where would he be if here were white?

  2. Margaret,

    I am so touched by your words. Thank you for having the strength to point out where the real offense is. I am a white, gay male and I hurt for you and every woman of color injured by Mayer’s words.

  3. I guess I have a rainbow coalition cock. I’m Scots-Irish, I married a beautiful white woman, I have dated (and fucked) Beautiful Black women and amazing Asian women…I think ALL women are Hot because they are women. I think Mayer is an ass and needs to stop treating women like shit. And MEN need to STOP letting him get by with it.


  4. I think he did it for shock effect mostly. Like he was answering questions in the stupidest most outrageous way possible for a joke. If he hadn’t gone quite so far then maybe it would have been a lot clearer that he wasn’t serious. I think the backlash he’s getting is deserved for not thinking about the consequences of what he’s saying, but you can’t hold things against people forever. At least I can’t. But I’m white, I guess I can’t fully understand what it’s like. The closest I can get is someone I admire being homophobic.

  5. I understand people have their own set of tastes when it comes to dating and sex, but really, keep it to yourself. Or at least limit it to your water cooler circle. If you’re in an interview to a massive magazine and you just HAVE to proclaim your racial taste, at the very least have some tact. Say something along the lines of \I’m usually attracted to a person with x set of characteristics\ instead of saying \Mah dick is a White Soopremasit!!!111!\. Pffft. Epic Fail.

  6. I don’t give a flying fuck about John Mayer, I really don’t spare him any time, or thoughts.

    I do adore YOU. Ever since American Girl, I have adored you. You were strong, you were female, and that’s all that mattered. it wasn’t the color of your skin to me. It wasn’t the fact that later you were toeing the line of sexual ambiguity, just made me adore you more, and even open my horizons more.

    So please, continue your fight, Continue the awareness. More people need it, not just young girls afraid of their own bodies, regardless of skin tone.

  7. Thank you for so eloquently standing up for girls and women of color. Too often we take the blows and suck it up in order to avoid being hurtfully dismissed as “too sensitive”. The fact that the media has focused only on his use of “that word” and not of the damage his other words did to girls and women who are already too accustomed to being objects of ridicule is both hurtful and expected. Thank you for speaking up for us.

  8. I hope that for any young woman who is a fan of John Mayer, the only tough realization she will have to face is that John Mayer is a douche.

  9. I also wondered why the media picked up on the N word so much more than the David Duke comments. His use of the N word in context was not that terrible, it seemed. If you do not give the word itself too much power…But the David Duke thing was atrocious.

    I agree with what some people are saying, that John Mayer is the John Gosslin of music!

  10. People don’t think they’re being racist because people don’t think. I couldn’t believe that on http://www.guyswithiphones.com a guy had added a comment about a gorgeous black man and the comment was, “I don’t usually go for blacks, but you’re hot.” My response, if I were this black god, would be, “I don’t usually go for asswipes, which you are.”

  11. Giiirlll…mmmhmmm you go. Mayer is an insensitive asshole, and personally, I think you should run through the woods with a burning branch chasing after him screaming, “You in some shit now Muthafuckah!” Put HIM in a situation where he feels like the odd one out, and not just the simple, “I was always the last boy picked in soccer when I was in grade school, it scarred me for life, poooor meeeee.” Bullshit.

  12. Mayer’s behavior and words are completely unacceptable. I haven’t heard what he said, but certainly have picked up on enough of the buzz about it. There should be no room for racism, feminism, sexism, prejudice, hatred or any number of hurtful things in our world yet they perpetuate with each new generation. Maybe someday the cycle will be broken; until then we have our work cut out for us. I completely and wholeheartedly agree that it is far too easy to simply attach an apology at the end of a hurtful act or missive. Ideally people should think before they act or speak, hopefully someday that will be come the norm rather than the exception. Love you!!! And YES… YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

  13. Let’s not look at racism as something only white people go through. People of all colors can be racist and until we look at every characteristic, condition, or trait as crossing all barriers of race, gender, orientation, religion, etc. and not just correlating with one specific group; we won’t be able to get past racism itself.

    Other than that, I loved your blog. You speak your mind, and you stand up for people. You’re a gift to those who don’t have someone to look up to, someone to stand up for them.

    Thank you.

  14. I don’t see anything wrong with expressing your aesthetic preferences. John Mayer has, unfortunately, built a bit of a personality around being this “I am such a clever and hip douche” so I am not at all surprised by this latest soundbite from him. However, I AM surprised by the huge backlash against him. Was what he said completely tasteless and thoughtless? Absolutely! But was what he said racist ? I don’t really think so. I was watching the Bill Maher HBO special just last night and he was throwing “Ho” and “Bitch” around like confetti and using very old and very tired gender stereotypes to make his jokes. But i didn’t hear anyone calling him sexist. He was making jokes about Obama getting cornrows, smoking weed, and “blacking it up” in the Whitehouse … but I don’t see anyone coming after him for racism.

  15. Hi Margaret-
    John Mayer’s been an ass for a long time. His words always get him into trouble. But, I have to say this…I’m white, and white people have to deal with racism too. I know you’ve heard black comics making horrible fun of white people…”Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”…Chris Rock. What if a white comic stood up and made “Asian people are so…” or “You know what’s funny about blacks?” They’d be killed. Sometimes I get sick of having to never reply to racism directed at white people. We just have to sit there and shut up. I’m SORRY for what my ancestors did…I’m SORRY. But that’s not me or anyone else I know. I’ve always liked you a lot, but I’m not going to be like the other kiss asses on here, and blindly agree with you just because you’re famous. That ain’t right.

  16. I’m white queer lady and a recovered anorexic–first fell in love with you with “I’m the One that I want” because even if I’m not a person of color, I connected to strongly to your compassion for anyone slightly on the outside. Reading this just wrenched my gut, but there’s something so consoling to have someone as smart, beautiful, and ferocious as you out there putting the rage and hurt of the ostracized into your fabulously eloquent fury. Never stop raging, Margaret, for all of us!

  17. On one hand, Mayer seems to know what he is doing. He comes out with some politically incorrect zinger every day now and then apologizes for it, like some republicans in South Carolina, like a sort of performance art, like actors do when nobody cares. On the other hand, his bragging about whacking off means he has too much spare time and nobody, men or women, find him particularly interesting.

  18. Margaret,

    I am deeply moved by your retort to John Mayer. The great thing about people who say these ugly things, is that we all learn something amazing from it, at least we would hope so. So lets be clear, its bad but it has a place, despite its ugly tone. Your words are profound! I especially loved the part about Duran Duran (a closet fan in the 80’s, hid from it as it was associated with being gay, which now I am, so fuck it). I woke up when you noted that, you would have killed yourself? That speaks volumes about D2 and their progressive approach at the time. I wonder if they were aware of their impact? More importantly, at least for me, I found myself in your note on a deeper level. My partner is Asian. We are very liberal about our words relating to race, especially Asians. He can laugh at his own culture very easily, I suppose its better than being frustrated about it. In a sense it has given me a perceived liberty, that I now realize is inappropriate. I know in certain circumstances and amongst friends (our friends are mainly Asian) its ok so long as people understand you, however I also feel its not my place to poke fun at something like a race or culture now that I have read your post. There is so much more to it. To think the impact on a young persons mind, by making a simply comment, can potentially harm them mentally or physically is nauseating to me. Thanks Margaret, you taught me something today I will not forget. Much appreciated.


  19. RIGHT ON, MARGARET! I’ve always thought John Mayer, while an incredible, virtuoso guitar player, was an arrogant asshole. I started disliking him way back, when he released that “Daughters” song, because I thought it was the most misogynistic thing I’d ever heard. I was sad that he didn’t get why, nor did seemingly millions of other people. Now, he’s proven that he’s just a fucking douchebag. I, too, am appalled by the double standard that white men in entertainment can seemingly say or do nearly anything and they continue on like nothing happened. We as the paying, watching public, need to stand up to people like this by not patronizing their work, and doing so LOUDLY.

  20. I’d submit that Mayer doesn’t so much have a self described \David Duke cock,\ as much as a little boy wee wee. Because really, his attitude is completely immature and ignorant and just plain unmanly, if I do say so myself. Any man who only wants white girls with blond hair is really just a little boy. We might forgive a little boy, because he’s still learning. But a grown man? No passes for racist attitude. Grow up, John Mayer. I never liked your music anyway.

  21. I am glad you have written about the David Duke comment. I agree that it is totally racist. I think it didn’t get much media play because of sexism. Women are objectified so much that most people think John Mayer was just doing the equivalent of saying he only ever eats vanilla ice cream.

    … as though women come in *flavours*.

  22. I don’t really see any difference between what Margaret Did when using the word “FAG” and what John Mayer did, they were both poor attempts at humor and they both thought they had a “pass” so to speak, to use a slur that otherwise would not be acceptable. here’s an example of Cho using the word “FAG” and with racially toned humor.

  23. Why oh why isn’t this a surprise to me ? As far as I’m concerned, I don’t know of too many women of color that would let him touch them in the first place.

    Just once, I wished someone would tell this ass hat to his face that his lame ass apology is not excepted and that record companies would have the balls to have a “morals clause” in their contracts. The way I see it, they own you and there’s a standard you should be held to.

    You’re a recording artist. I don’t give a fuck about your sexual preference or your politics. Just shut the fuck up and entertain me bitch ! By the way, Mayer hasn’t really been entertaining since his first album.

    If as an entertainer, you want to use your craft to the betterment of society (music in schools, benefit concerts, etc) that’s cool as long as you stick to your talking points.

    Other than that, keep your “ethniphobic” (just made it up) racist ass hattery to yourself !

  24. Yeah, it’s such a backhanded compliment to say, “You’re hot for a Black girl!” Like, “you’re hot for that really unattractive sub-species!

    I feel sorry for every single person he mentioned in that article. Even Perez, “flitting around” like he “invented homosexuality”. What’s he trying to say about gay men here? That they’re less manly?

    And the way he treats his ex-girlfriends! Maybe they didn’t want their sexual lives talked about in the media. That seems like a sacred topic, even for a relationship that has ended.

  25. Go MARGARET! I love how you tell it like it is. White privilege lets douchebags like John Mayer get away with what they say and still go to sleep well at night. His music is mediocre at best. I really only think he did it to stay relevant or cause controversy to promote his new music. It’s disgusting and shouldn’t be tolerated.

  26. Thank you, Margaret! I also hope that we in the gay community take stock of what this means for us, too.

    I say this because at the moment if I had a slogan for the gay community it would be no “Fats, Fems, or Asians”. If I had a dollar for every time I saw that online, I’d be a rich man.

    It’s time that the gay community checks itself before it wrecks itself. Margaret doesn’t direct her message at us, we should heed her message and stop beating each other up for what we can’t be and celebrate who we are today.

  27. “In the expletive-filled interview for Playboy’s March edition, some of which reportedly took place as Mayer downed malt whisky, the singer sought to refute the media image of him as a womanizer and ‘douche bag.'”

    Well, it sounds like THAT totally backfired, didn’t it? He sounds like an arrogant prick. I’m tempted to completely ignore him (I don’t like his music anyway). He’s not fucking worth my time.

  28. Ok first of all I love you Ms. Cho and I have looked up to you for many, many years. Yet I am surprised that you didn’t mention the fact he dropped the F bomb when he was talking about kissing Perez Hilton. I equate racism with homophobia. I am a white male and I understand that is supposed to afford me certain privileges in our society, which btw I think is really sad being that it is 2010 and we are still dealing with these same prejudices. Yet I am still discriminated against daily for my sexuality which is something I can never change or fix either. I could try and change the way I walk, talk, speak, think, act and how my body reacts when I see someone I find attractive but that would be unnatural and futile. And because of those facts I have become a huge feminist and anti racist. I know how much it can hurt to be different and how it can even cause death. I was raised to believe the only bad words were the ones that were used to inspire hate or pain in others like the N or F word. My heart goes out to all the girls, boys and everything in between that John Mayer hurt with his hate speech. I still love you Ms. Cho, I just wanted to point that out.

  29. You hit the nail on the head, as always. Not only about how John Mayer was a total asshat, but this has been exactly how I feel about guys who put “White Only” in online profiles. If you’re not into me, that’s fine. Ignore me and I’ll take the hint. But I don’t need you telling me I’m unfuckable because I’m black. And I agree with the above poster that “I’m not into _____ but…” is a backhanded compliment if there ever was one.

  30. Margaret Cho–goddamn it, THANK YOU. I’ve been raging ever since he said that hateful shit–because everybody has been so eager to “just ignore him.” But meanwhile, I’ve got two little girls of color, one who adores the shit out of this man’s music, looking me, wondering what the hell is going on. It’s been their introduction to hate directed at them. And it has me near tears every single time I read somebody *else* saying “just ignore him”—that gives all the little girls of color out there, including my two beautiful girls–the space to incorporate this shit into their lives, to eat it, grow it, and eventually believe it, all right inside their bodies. There is no place for them to spit it out, to reject it, flush it away–because we’re all supposed to just ignore it.

    Thank you for making the space to dump that shit–for reminding all those little girls of color out there–somebody famous thinks you, yes YOU are beautiful and amazing and TOTALLY sexy.

    Thank you.

  31. I just read this and started to tear up. THANK YOU SO MUCH for speaking up and out about about this, Margaret! Thank you for saying so many of the things I was not able to say or explain to so many people. It’s been really hard for me to communicate exactly why this was so problematic and just how deep his words cut and why. I am a Black woman who was one of the biggest John Mayer fans you could ever find, and there’s no way I could fully articulate with words the impact this had on me. This is a person whose music was the only thing that kept me going so many times, a person whose music helped me stay alive when I was going through a numerous bouts of severe depression and on the edge so many times. And this was the LAST thing I was expecting him to bust out with. What a kick to the gut and knife through the heart. And this is not not just because he used the n-word or said all of those digusting things about Black women. I was VERY angered and offended by the raging homophobia, sexism, and misogyny he engaged in as well.

    And let me tell you! The really awesome thing about all of this is that it wasn’t just Mayer’s words I had to deal with. I got the added bonus of damn near everybody rushing to his defense, telling me that I basically need to just ignore it or get over it or shut up because he didn’t mean it, he cried, he apologized, he has a big mouth. I mentioned elsewhere that it’s like being slapped in the face repeatedly by thousands and thousands of people. In a way, though, I’m happy this came out because the last thing I want to do is invest my time, heart, and hard earned money into supporting someone who’s harboring these kinds of feelings. I’m glad to know where he stands and to bid him farewell.

    Thank you again so much, Margaret!

  32. I think Mayer is absolutely hilarious and he was just being honest.

    Remember, the interview was for PLAYBOY. In Playboy interviews, people have generally been a little more honest and unfiltered. Now, because of the Internet, everyone sees everything, and John Mayer probably should have realized that.

    If he’s not sexually attracted to black chicks, that’s his right, and he’s allowed to say that. Or maybe he just doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to have sex with black chicks.

    It’s 2010 people, stop being so lame and insecure.

  33. Nope. Not interested in the popular pastime of pile on John week. So he wears an armor made of douche. So, in that process he through out trigger words to deflect that ended up blowing up in his face. I’d think a comedian who herself likes to push the occasional button would get that.

    In reality, I think he beats himself up as much as others like to join in. When you actually read what he said versus replay the bad word soundbites in your head like Fox did with the Wright tape, you’ll see that he was judging his own sexual preferences as racist and wanting his heart to teach his lower half a thing or two about attraction. He certainly did not label women of color as not beautiful or sexy. In fact he gave some examples of those he found hot. And his attempt at calling out a ‘hood pass’ as an impossibility hit the nail on the head, but was eclipsed by the media by the N-word he used to make his point.

    The fact that he honestly called out his sexual attractions is what was shocking to folks. Do you not think that nearly everyone on the planet is subject to cultural norms about who they find sexually attractive? I’m sure many people of color don’t find white people attractive because of the long history of oppression, etc. And I think its still fairly common for folks to primarily be attracted to people of their own race. Is this really controversial? I don’t think so. Do you really think we live in an age where cultural norms do not still dictate our behavior?

    And BTW, don’t you think if he started yacking about how much he loved to screw women of color that would also be considered racist? Food for thought.

    I would think those on the receiving end of judgments based on language would show more sensitivity to someone experiencing a backlash due to the same thing. I’m starting to think this whole pouncing period is more about being people patting themselves on the back that they’re not racist because they can call someone else a racist. Seems like nothing more than schoolyard name calling to me.

  34. As a white woman, I was shocked and offended by the language he used, and the sentiments he expressed. We cannot always control who we are attracted to, but we CAN control what we say, and Mayer seriously screwed up. I suspect his dick is also not attracted to larger women, either. I also think (hope?) a lot of women in Hollywood will steer clear of him in the future–loose lips and all that.

  35. Word to that, Ayla.

    I think there is a large group of people who actually get off on being offended. They love to express outrage at the world around them, because it makes them seem brave and righteous.

    But most of the time they’re just trying to blame the world for their own problems instead of actually working on making themselves better people.

  36. Miss Margaret…

    I think that, as usual, you have touched the very heart of what it feels like for the voiceless to be affected by something that the powerful say.

    And personally, I feel that time is going to take care of John Mayer. His time has just about ran it’s course. The mediocrity of that bland, background music won’t hold up for the ages, and his ‘pretty’ boy (not in MY opinion, for sure) thing will fade just like it always does.

    I’m a white woman. And it’s not how I define myself. That dude may even think my body would be a wonderland. But he couldn’t buy a ticket if he fucking tried. 🙂

  37. As an Aryan Brother(now I did’nt say Nothin bout no hood)
    I think it’s fantastic that we have these bigots and racists and all manner of aberrant individuals running around, being dupes and pawns for the super- creeps behind the curtain playing their divide and conquer games on our backs.
    Yes I know it is terribly hurtful and undermining to our collective goodness, I too was a former White Devil for years after Malcomb came back from Mecca, but really it is all a game to some extremely disturbed people.
    But, lets try and look at this Paleontologically.
    This must be what it was like when Homo Sapiens ran around pointing and laughing and throwing poop at the last Neanderthals stuck in their small minds…just before we boiled and ate them

  38. While I would like to focus my attention on complimenting Margaret on this poignant and generous piece, it seems that more than a few of the folks making comments here have proven to be more than just a little bit of a distraction with the inclusion of some thinly veiled racist derailing tactics.
    Of course you had the best of intentions!
    But really, some of you have played a few very tired tricks, and have derailed this conversation and re-centered it on your white issues. Even if these issues are also gay, and especially if they are also male, when a woman of color speaks up about gender and race, its NOT time to play Oppression Olympics, even if you do throw a few sympathetic high fives and big kisses in there too.
    It would seem that these folks (perhaps you can gracefully recognize yourselves?) who are genuinely committed to anti-racist conversation and activism would do very well to take a look at the link (it’s just one of many such examples of good resources out there) I’ve kindly included below, and brush up on some basic skills before entering the public discourse next time.


  39. Calyx, if you want to call anyone out, call out the people actually defending this jackass. To them, I want to say that nobody’s mad about his sexual preferences. Who he fucks is his business, but it was the *way* he said it and the fact that he felt the need to say it that is alienating people.

    And then there was the rest of it. Jessica Simpson’s “pussy like napalm?” That whole episode with Perez Hilton? This guy is just grade-A attention-whoring douchebag.

  40. Words hurt. Certain words should never be tolerated, and anyone who uses them should be called out. But maybe Margaret Cho would do well to sensitize herself to the fact that “retard,” along with its derivatives, such as “guitarded” is one of those words. This is not just political correctness. Do some research. Talk to people who feel targeted by those words. Organizations such as The Special Olympics are doing their best to make it known that the “R” word is just as hurtful and demeaning as “N****r” and “F****t.”

  41. Tara wrote: “But, I have to say this…I’m white, and white people have to deal with racism too. I know you’ve heard black comics making horrible fun of white people…”Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”…Chris Rock. What if a white comic stood up and made “Asian people are so…” or “You know what’s funny about blacks?” They’d be killed.”

    The difference is: Jokes about white people have never, EVER prevented a white person from finding housing, being hired for a job, being safe from police/state violence, being admitted to a school, etc. No one hears a joke about white people and then goes out and OPPRESSES white people. The evidence of this? White people are NOT OPPRESSED.

    And, “They’d be killed?” Really?!?!? Did you type that with a straight face?!?! How dare you? Margaret just provided you with several examples of white people who have made racist remarks in public and are still walking around– not only very much ALIVE but still making that paper. Meanwhile, people of color DIE in this country EVERY DAY as a result of systemic racism.

    The very definition of white privilege: Being able to read an eloquently phrased response to racism– one that speaks to the deep hurts experienced by the writer– and then responding with “WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEE? I am a victim of racism TOOOO!!

    Fuck that and fuck you. You will always be a part of the problem if you continue to center yourself this way. This was a piece about the pain that we, as women of color, experience through racism. It didn’t have shit to do with you and you can’t be anti-racist until you understand and accept that.

  42. Ahhh, it’s so easy to point out someone else’s failings is it not? Tut-tut with a wagging finger is so prevalent today. So many conclusions to jump to and so little time. Extrapolating your own insecurities into the lives of others and making sweeping generalizations from the pulpit about what everyone else should be feeling over a certain issue is really of little value. One should be extremely careful throwing around accusations and drawing conclusions as to the intent of another’s speech. Makes for good copy though, eh?

    For example,

    “Dog the Bounty Hunter never left the small screen. His racism was kind of just buried under that amazing mullet. I don’t know if he is racist, but I think his hair is racist.”

    Wow, within the space of two lines you go from the very serious accusation of racism to the admission that you don’t actually have any proof to support that charge. Nice work Margaret, way to discredit yourself. How much faith can I put in your judgement and perception now? If you are going to live by the sword, you had better be prepared to die by it.

    If I were to start a blog and emblazon it with “MARGARET CHO’S VISCOUS CHARGE OF RACISM REVEALED TO BE COMPLETELY WITHOUT MERIT. REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE TO WRONGED FREAK!!!” would it bother you? Would you feel compelled to check yourself into some Mexican clinic for rehab?

    And who knows, maybe he is a racist; I don’t really know him. He looks like what I think a racist might look like. I saw him on TV hauling a lot of black folks off to jail. Someone told me they heard he made a ni**er joke once. Gross. I’ll bet he is a racist. I think I’ll organize a facebook group denouncing him and start sending that racist fucker hate mail. Fuck I hate him. I can probably get lots of others to do so as well. Whew, mission accomplished. He’ll never work on TV again. Familiar?

    I think that at very least you should immediately e-mail DtBH with a sincere apology. Jeeze, might as well send one to JM while you’re at it. Seriously. You won’t, but if you care about consistence you should. A wrongful accusation, even one made in supposed jest, can be very damaging when morally repugnant crimes are at issue. It would tremendously easy to destroy someone merely by accusing them of racism, rape, kiddy porn, etc. Accusations can stick to the innocent as well as the guilty. But it was a tongue in cheek comment you lament. Pot calling the kettle black I say. And no the kettle isn’t bad because it’s black. It’s just been on the stove to long. Just wanted to clarify in case you couldn’t make the distinction.

    Perhaps a more nuanced approach to your commentary would be advisable in the future. Recognize that if I were to give a sexual preference for one skin color over another that does not by default means I am a racist, even if I use insensitive language that you find offensive. What it does mean is that humans are a beautiful panoply of differing tastes and visions. Care to explain the hate in that?

  43. Margaret, Are you really telling John to shut the fuck up? If a woman went on stage, for example, and talked about how she only has eyes for say, black guys, would you also tell her to shut the fuck up? Telling someone to be quiet because you don’t like what they have to say – isn’t that – censorship? Are we also going to hand out acceptable words to those on a public stage and determine who is allowed to say them? How many comedians would be employed if we put this into practice? Would you find employment? If you take John’s sexual preferences personally, I’d say thats your issue to work through. Obviously John has enough on his plate what with his big mouth that tries to protect him and instead does an excellent job of sabotage.

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