RIP My love, My Ralph.

Do you remember when we met? I had come to the west valley animal shelter, and I saw you before you saw me. You were by yourself in a little cage at the end of the long corridor. When you saw me, you tried to bite your way through the wires. I stopped and took a moment to fall in love with you. Oh, you were tiny. A comma made of black fur, punctuating my love with licks and nips. Our affair was destined to be a run on sentence, on and on and on and on and on and on. But then, it was just the beginning of the story and you could sit comfortably and very dignified in the palm of my hand while you emanated gratitude and warmth and puppy love. There was a large wound on the top of your head that was caked in dirt and dried blood, and you had a slight wobble in your walk because the people at the shelter said you had been kicked very hard. They put you on a table and someone tried to feed you a French fry, but you refused it, because that would have meant you would have had to stop staring at me. you never wanted to stop staring at me. You were a master at seduction, even then, at just a few weeks old.

We went home together and you were scared. I had to bathe you in the sink and you hated it! You were even smaller without fur. The dried blood and fleas were gone, and then it was just you, wet and perfect and tiny and soon asleep between my giant platform shoes. It was the 90s after all.

I named you after Ralph Fiennes. “The English Patient” had just come out. You were badly hurt but I was determined to be your Juliette Binoche and nurse you back to health, my head on your chest, as you told me all the great stories of the war and your love. The vets didn’t believe you’d get better, but I held you day and night and cried softly into your fur and fed you nutrical from my fingers and you grew and suddenly, seemingly overnight, you were my big dog. My big boy. My Ralph.

You would sleep on the bed with me, in my single days, and you would put your head on the pillow, the rest of your dog body under the covers, just like a man. Before I was married, you were my dog husband. When we moved to the big house, you were horrified, and you barked at the movers like you were defending your homeland, but you grew to love the new house, and then your new dad, and begrudgingly, your new dog siblings.

I am not sure what I am going to do without you. My love. My Ralph. I don’t know yet. I am happy you are no longer in pain. All the money in the world couldn’t cure the passage of time. Where are you floating now? Among all the famous people in heaven? I bet it’s big scene up there. They should let you into the VIP lounge. Just tell them who your mother is.

I grieve for you so, my love. My big dog. Who was so afraid of the wind. When I petted you, I could hear the deep satisfaction that welled up inside you. Your great dog sighs were profound. You would shake the floors. When you were very sick, I would try to ease the pain by lying next to you in your bed, my whole body encircling yours, thinking if only I could absorb the pain, take the disease into myself and take it out of you. We can only do so much, we can only do so much on earth, my love.

I am convinced I will meet you again someday, when this is all over. When there are no more jobs or days or nights or appointments or things or shows or age or sun or moon or trips or life or anything. It will be just us, and there will be a field and you will run to me, with no pain in your hips. You will run to me and knock me down.

Ralph Puppy

Ralph BW

Margaret and Ralph

DJ Ralph

Ralph Senior

Blue Ralph

Ralph and Auriana

541 thoughts on “RIP My love, My Ralph.

  1. Oh, Margaret. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hollow words, but all you can do is take comfort in knowing that Ralph loved you, and he knew you loved him. He sounds like he was a great companion.

  2. Oh, sweet Ralph. I remember the story you told in “I’m The One I Want” about the two of you finding each other and it moved me so. Dog love is immense love. I’m crying my ass off right now for the both of you.

  3. I feel for you, your love of Ralph and your loss of him. Dogs are the shiny spot of heaven in our otherwise moribund and cynical lives.

    If there is a God, in my thinking, we who have loved and lost our dogs will be reunited. Otherwise, the afterlife is hardly worth living.

    hugs to you.
    chelsea g.

  4. Oh, I’m so terribly terribly sorry for your loss. I know how much you love your darling boy, and my heart breaks for you.

  5. I remember hearing about Ralph, like others, in your “I’m the One that I Want” show. I was touched by that story, just as touched by this one. You’re in my thoughts, another stranger in the crowd reaching out to spread good feelings.

  6. Oh my!! This really tore at my heartstrings. You are some beautiful writer, and I could feel your love for this dog so palpable, as I have felt also about my own pet. So sorry for your loss, but at least you loved him. You had him and you loved him, and that’s a lot.

    Lou

  7. Oh honey, bless your heart. Ain’t nothin like a dog’s love and friendship. It’s superior love. What a sweet connection you two had. I’m so sorry.
    Big Hugz.

  8. I am so sorry for your loss! It is always hard when u lose a loved one & yes our pets r loved ones, I am so greatful that you as someone many people look up to is saying it outloud not afraid people will think you r stupid as many people famous & not famous r afraid of. I believe you will see Ralph again too, Until then he will be watching you just like he did in the shelter. God Bless you & help ease your pain during this sad time in your life.

  9. Very touching. Sad. It’s hard to let go of such wonderful dogs. It’s the hard part of getting a pet. Thinking of you.

  10. Margaret – my heart goes out to you. I just lost one of my beloved members of my fur-family last month. While I knew it was her time, I felt so bereft of the special love that she gave to me. So many years and so many happy memories. *big hugs*

  11. I’m so sorry. I’m passing on the dog poem that was passed on to me when my favorite big old mutt died.

    Dream Song 16
    John Berryman

    Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
    After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
    we ourselves flash and yearn,
    and moreover my mother told me as a boy
    (repeatingly) ‘Ever to confess you’re bored
    means you have no

    Inner Resources.’ I conclude now I have no
    inner resources, because I am heavy bored.
    Peoples bore me,
    literature bores me, especially great literature,
    Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
    as bad as Achilles,

    who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
    And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
    and somehow a dog
    has taken itself & its tail considerably away
    into mountains or sea or sky, leaving
    behind: me, wag.

  12. I am so sorry. The loss of an animal companion is like nothing else. I am glad Ralph is not in pain, and I love you for taking that little dog from a shelter and giving him a beautiful life.

  13. What a beautiful tribute to a beloved companion…it brought me to tears in my office.

    His life was obviously as blessed by your presence in it as yours was by his. Your hearts are forever bound and he will live on in the person he helped you become.

    I wish your heart ease.

  14. Im so sorry for you Margaret. He was so lucky to have found you and you him.
    I havent seen a more beautiful tribute to a dog than this.
    I came home a couple years ago to find my ‘ralph’ had died while i was at work and i still miss him.

    PS remind me not to read your blog at work, i hate explaining the tears

  15. This made me cry. I know how hard it is to lose a cherished pet who is much, much more. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope the memories carry you through.

  16. Margaret… I lost my love as well due to cancer. My Raven, my sunshine, my love, my best friend, my daughter’s second mother.

    I wished that I could cure her and keep her forever. I tried everything there was to try but in the end I had to let her go. She was just suffering too much.

    You will see Ralph again, just like I will see Raven. In the meantime you have all those wonderful memories together to sustain… and this wonderfully written tribute to your fur-husband!

  17. My dog, Lexei died a year ago in March and I have not gotten over the loss. She had asymptomatic splenic cancer but was trying to play with us the day before she got too sick to get up. She died after three days with me lying beside her when we came home from the vet’s. I keep her ashes with a picture of her in our entry. I know she is still watching over me waiting for me to join her. Your tribute is beautiful.

  18. my heart hurts for you. I’ve lost loved pets as well. it hurts like losing a family member–a friend. dogs ARE a part of your family. I’m sorry you lost Ralph.

    that being said, I’m happy to hear that he’s no longer in pain. that, above everything else, is the most important thing–he isn’t hurting anymore.

    when you leave this world, I suspect he’ll be the first to greet you–he’ll bound up to you, knock you down (as you said), tail wagging… and then when you get up after the happy reunion, he’ll lead you to the rest of your loved ones who have passed on before you that are waiting to greet you again–your drag queen friends from high school (the ones you mentioned in your show, Notorious C.H.O.) come readily to mind. 🙂

    *big, big hug*

  19. My heart sank as I read of you and Ralph. He is a handsome little devil. You guys will be together again. Until then, just keep the memories close to your heart.

  20. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful companion of 9 years, Sparky, 2 months ago in May…so I understand. He was a 100lb Labrador.I cried so much for a long time. I never thought it would be so painful to lose a beloved pet. I imagine him in the starlight sending me love…and I to him. He is always in my heart.

  21. This is so touching, I truly feel for you. I hope that soon you start to feel better about it and I’m glad Ralph isn’t in pain any more.

    I’m actually wailing here you are a beautiful writer, it’s a fitting tribute to a gorgeous animal and amazing companion.

  22. I’m so sorry that your sweet Ralph has gone. I lost my Nick in January to cancer. I know all about laying with them all night. It’s heartbreaking. Peace, Ralph. Peace, Margaret.

  23. So sorry to hear about Ralph. Hopefully he is playing on the other side of the rainbow bridge with my Dexter. Godspeed Ralph! My thought are with you,our funny lady! With love 🙂

  24. Take comfort in knowing what a wonderful life and companionship you brought to Ralph….

    I’d like to believe that one day we are all reunited with our family and special companions….but only the great ones! 😉

  25. My deepest sympathies…the loss of Ralph is the loss of family. If he suffered, he is definitely in a better place. No dog could ever replace him but there are others like Ralph out there that need you.

    Must love to you.

  26. Margaret, what a heartfelt and beautiful tribute, and also thank you for reminding all that a wonderful companion can be found at shelters, what a wonderful legacy to leave in Ralphs memory.

  27. tears. i’m so sorry. such heartbreak to lose a loved one. especially loved ones that had nothing for us but unconditional love. xoxox rip ralph, now an angel

  28. I’m sorry to hear about this. I lost my best friend, my Siamese mix cat of over 13 years a couple of years ago and I’m still mourning the loss. Your tribute was beautiful and makes all of us who have ever loved an animal, these things we call “pets” just because we want to sound all butch & superior but really know they own us like nothing else ever could, remember that love and feel the loss with you. I’m sorry for your loss and happy that you were able to have the great experiences you did with Ralph. All love.

  29. Damn blurry monitor virus – keeps happening. I’ve lost a few cats over the years, and each one – I know what you are saying. I hope you can honor his memory by rescuing another dog some day – he certainly deserves the honor.

    My condolences to you and all who knew him. Hugs.

  30. Dear Margaret.

    I´m so sorry for your loss. I know this is so hard for you. Ralph was so very beautiful.

    Hugs

  31. SO sorry about your loss Margaret. You both will meet again, until then Rest In Peace Ralph, and my deepest sympathy in your time of sadness Margaret.

    Much love,
    John

  32. Margaret,
    So sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Ralph. Here is a poem that helped me when my dog Phoebe died a few years ago. I hope it helps you too.

    “I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep
    I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
    I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
    “It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here”
    I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you as you pour the tea,
    You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
    I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
    I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
    I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
    I want to reassure you, that I’m not lying there.
    I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key.
    I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said “It’s me.”
    You looked so very tired, as you sank into a chair.
    I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
    It’s possible for me, to be so near you every day.
    To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
    You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew..
    In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
    The day is over…I smile and watch you yawning
    And say “goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
    And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
    I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand side by side,
    I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see
    Be patient, live your journey out…then come home to be with me.”

  33. So hard Margaret, sorry to hear. It’s a tough thing to deal with, I dont look forward to it. The key is and you said it, you will see him again for sure, take solace in it.

  34. I am not sure what I am going to do without you.

    I nearly lost one of my cats last week, my best friend of 17 years, and this is exactly what I was saying to myself the whole time.

    I am so sorry.

  35. Your stories about him in your stand up were some of my favorites, and your song about him made me tear up. I was just listening to the end of I’m The One I Want, and it still makes me laugh out loud. The fact that Ralph was your first shelter dog and inspired you to become an advocate for animal rescues and to adopt other dogs is so inspiring. It is an amazing testament to the impact animals can have on our lives. Thank you for sharing him with your audience. Rest in peace, sweet Ralph.

  36. Tears falling down my face… I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m kinda going thru the same situation w/my dog. He’s 11 and has diabetes and other senior diseases. I think about him passing every day… and it is so hard. I’m never going to be ready for that day. Having him in my life has been the best thing EVER… and I dont know what I’m going to do without him.

    RIP Ralph. Hugs to you…
    xoxo

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