I’m so glad I am not a polygamist.
First of all, I don’t really like pie. I know that is weird. Pie is good, but for some reason, I don’t like to eat it because usually it is too hot and I burn my tongue, and it is too sweet, so it gives me a crazy sugar high really fast and then I am exhausted. Polygamists seem to eat a lot of pie. I am not sure if this is a known fact, but a pie seems to complete the polygamist outfit.
Which leads me to the outfit – even though pastels like baby blue, lilac and soft pink flatter me, I don’t want to wear the big shouldered prairie dress. Don’t get me wrong â€“ I love “Little House on the Prairie” but only when it is kept in the realm of â€˜dragâ€™ and not worn every day for religious purposes. The shoulders are too wide and lambchoppy to make anyone look good.
I don’t want to marry anyone that much older than me. Not just because of the sex (which would be not so fun to begin with but at least old people finish either super fast or super slow) but because there would be nothing fun to talk about. How do you relate to each other? It would be boring!
I also don’t want to be a polygamist because then I would probably have to cook or clean and I don’t know how to do either of those things. Also I have terrible allergies, so if I had to live in any kind of compound situation I am sure I would die of a runny nose.
I feel really bad for all those children, because they are the victims who are only being punished again by being separated from their families, but how can they be saved from their fate unless they are taken away? The whole thing is super sad but it also makes you really grateful not to be a polygamist.