Brand New Sins!

The pope has just released a number of brand new sins! They include drugs, pollution and genetic manipulation. I am not sure how he gets to do this, but if he can, I think everyone should be able to! So here are some new sins from me (not in any particular order…)

Tailgating. Thou shalt not drive too close to other cars. Mortal sin. People can get killed. One time, I was being tailgated so close on the freeway that it felt like the other car was raping my car. I mean it was a vehicular sexual assault. He kept pounding the back of my car until his car just blew up and sprawled across multiple lanes blocking traffic up for miles. Isn’t that just like a man?

Talking too loud in someone’s ear at a club. Thou shalt not try to talk over the booming techno beat, shattering your friend’s eardrums and annoying everyone in the process. You don’t even get heard, you strain your voice, you hurt their ears, no information is that important. Thou shalt wait til thou is outside.

Homophobia – thou shalt not be a homophobe! (this is something the pope cannot get enough of!)

Sexism and racism in the presidential race. Thou shalt not try to use gender or racial stereotypes in order to undermine presidential candidates, no matter who thou might vote for!

11 thoughts on “Brand New Sins!

  1. Amen Margaret.

    All of the things you listed are wicked.
    I remember trying to listen to Elliott Smith perform a concert and these girls were screaming a conversation to each other–they wouldn’t shut up. That’s a sin.
    This has happend too many goddamn times

    I would add to the list
    1)Motorists driving/rolling a car into the crosswalk when there are pedestrians there.
    Especially if thee pedestrian is walking thy little dog (spelled backward is? that’s right, god)…This should be punishable by a severe beating.
    2) Starbucks.
    3) Not telling Vegetarians that the soup broth is made of chicken.


    This guy had more: Lying to women is a sin. Pathological hypocrisy is a sin. Half a billion dollars in pedophilia lawsuit payouts is a sin. Homophobia is a sin. Hiding those golden vaginas is a sin. And creating new sins in a strange attempt to stay relevant as your church withers and struggles and falters in the new and spiritually hungry but religiously mistrustful world, that’s surely a sin.

  3. ive got a few i would like to add to the list

    Thou shalt not pander to ignorance in order to gain approval of the religious right
    Thou shalt not send young men and women to their doom so thine oil buddies can reap profit from their blood
    Thou shalt not promote a state of fear of anything that does not look/act exactly like you do
    in fact i suppose we should just cut to the chase here
    Thou shalt not be a republican

  4. Ooh, I have one!

    Thou shalt not write books or go on TV shows telling women how to dress “right” for their body types. You know, the people who tell us “If you’re tall, wear this to look shorter. If you’re short, wear that too look taller. If you have a flat chest, you need to make your breasts look bigger, and if your breasts are big, here’s how too make them look smaller. If you’re thin, these jeans will make you look curvy, and everyone else should try to look thinner. Just as long as you downplay everything that makes you look different.”

    These books definitely count as some kind of evil conformity-inducing, self-hatred-inspiring heresy. When will the Pope add that to the list? Or at least Oprah. She’s kind of like the Pope. When is she gonna stop doing shows on it and denounce it?

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  6. In the article it says:

    “[Father Dominique Hanna] said the biggest controversy is Pope Benedict XVI’s reaffirmation that genetic manipulation — including stem cell research and gender-changing operations — is a sin.”

    This just pisses me off! A gender changing operation has no effect on the patients genetic structure! … For all the talk of these “new sins” (particularly the ecological ones) making the church look more progressive, this shows a definitive lack of scientific understanding.

  7. I can’t wait for him to say cars are illegal as they cause pollution! YAY! Back to the horse and buggy. Or if we are lucky, he will follow the old egyptians and have beautiful mostly naked men carry him on a palanquin.

  8. Hey Margaret,

    I just watched your show in Toronto, I loved it!! Anyway, I was reading your blog about the Pope’s affirmation that genetic manipulation is a sin. I guess that means we shouldn’t have insulin for the diabetic. Afterall, insulin is created by genetic engineering and recombinant DNA technology. I wonder if the Phope is diabetic himself.

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