Travel Troubles

I just got back from Australia, which is really very very far away. Getting back was a lot easier than getting there, for some reason. On the way there, we went from Philadelphia to LA, then from LA to Auckland – which is a long ass flight. No wonder Bjork beat that guy’s ass! I would have opened up a big can of whoop ass on anyone trying to take my picture after that flight. Finally, after a long layover, I flew to Sydney. I somehow missed my ride from the airport so I changed some fairly worthless American dollars into Australian dollars and took a cab to the hotel. There were no rooms available so I had to wait about 5 hours for one to open up. By this time I hadn’t slept for about 72 hours and I was OVER IT! I had been talking to this poor Japanese girl at the desk who had a big “TRAINEE” pin next to her name, and she had tried and tried to get me a room all day, to no avail. I sat in the lobby, smelling exactly like balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing, feeling totally out of it for half a day, just waiting. I couldn’t even read or listen to my ipod or watch anything. All I could do was stare, I was so tired. Finally, at about 3pm, which was official hotel check in time – when they were required by law to have my room ready, I walked up to the desk and asked my TRAINEE, “Do you have my keys?” and a pinched looking British woman said, “Please.” I turned to her and I said, “It’s ok. She’s my old friend. We’ve been at this all day.” And the TRAINEE looked at her and bowed and giggled in that cute Japanese girl way. The woman said, “I don’t care. It’s still ‘Please.'” I was so mad I almost hit her. I have never come so close to actually hitting someone in my life. My hand actually clenched into a fist! I really had to take a deep breath and calm myself down. I did all 12 steps in my head, then asked myself, “What would Jesus do?” my heart was beating super fast and I unclenched my teeth and my fist and I said, “Thank you for reminding me. I am so tired I am forgetting my manners.” Then she said, “I understand. We are all a bit stressed.” Ah… international incident averted!

11 Comments. Add To The Mix…

  1. Oh dear, we all have our moments where the only thing that’s gonna make us feel better is PUNCHING SOMEONE IN THE FACE! But resistance is the answer.

    Hope you had an awesome time in Australia! Hope your Mardi Gras was as great as mine, saw you at the Sydney Theatre – was fucking brilliant! So was Ian!

    Much love.

  2. you are the bigger woman for choosing your battles carefully.

    i’m not sure if she was actually part of the transaction. if she wasn’t part of the A-B schematic, i would have to remind her how rude and inconsiderate it is to eavesdrop on the conversation of others. if she was required to interact with you, i would remind her that she is in customer service, that you are not employed as a merchant customer service agent nand she needs to get her nose back to the grindstone and her nose out of my business.

    but you handled it with grace. me, i’m just a bitch, i guess.

  3. Pingback: Travel Troubles
  4. Hey Margaret…

    Shame that’s what got in your blog from your travels to Aus, though i will point out that the mad cow woman had a British accent and does not represent Australia at all… in any way.

    Was a pleasure to meet you at the Media Briefing and see you leading the parade this year. You were a clear favourite of mine to be offered Chief of Parade, as the GLRL man said at the briefing, you are so like the parade.

    Also thanks for being a huge superstar, and still choosing to launch an international tour in Sydney, and do TWO shows in one night. You are crazy, crazy lady, but people across Sydney thankyou for that craziness.

    Safe Travels Margaret,

    Stay Beautiful

  5. Australia is very very far away, but worth it, dont you think? I saw your show at the Sydney Theatre and LOVED it! Havent laughed that much in ages!. So much so, I’m seeing you next Saturday in San Francisco too! I’m gonna become a Cho Junkie! LOL

  6. Margaret, thank you so much for making the effort to get to Sydney!! THat flight is a bitch – I keep waiting for them to develop Fifth Element -style technologies so that you can be put into a restful coma for the entire journey (or alternatively, have hot sex with Gaultier-clad hosties during takeoff). I think that is only fair for such an arduous journey.

    Thank you for teaching us the lessons of Margaret – I promise never to let anyone take a photo of my vagina.

    love & kisses,


  7. margaret! we stayed at the same hotel over mardi gras! you should have come up to my room 😉 … the same TRAINEE checked me in and had no idea what she was doing… ugh!.. anyway, love love love LOOOOVE YOU!! you rocked in sydney!

Leave a Reply