Self Defense

I was driving on the 80 east, just after another wondrous day at an incredible dance workshop. The whole day was spent sweating it out with all these gorgeous women, feeling powerful and beautiful and incredibly alive, so I probably wasn’t as aware of my surroundings as I should have been, but I was in my car, driving down a crowded freeway at 4 in the afternoon, so I felt relatively safe. It is incredible how quickly the illusion of safety can fade. It reminds me that we are never truly safe anywhere, not ever.

Suddenly, a small, navy blue car pulled directly behind mine. It was way too close for comfort, but I didn’t move out of my lane because of the heavy traffic. I could have, but I also didn’t want to. My gut instinct was to move out of the way, that there was something wrong with the situation, but I was tired from dancing and after a whole day of honoring the goddess within me I wasn’t about to be intimidated by some guy who wanted me to get out of his lane.

Initially, it wasn’t clear to me that the other driver was doing anything too out of the ordinary. There were lots of cars in close proximity, and just because his car was in very, very, very close proximity, it didn’t seem that threatening at first. He just seemed like an alpha male asshole. It didn’t seem weird until he started to hit my car. He was lightly, ever so gently (?!), hitting the back of my car with his. I wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t been watching him, because it was causing my car to push ever so slightly forward with each bump, an almost imperceptible extra movement. I looked at him in my rear view mirror, and he was smiling, laughing, that mean male smile that is all too familiar to all women who have been victim to male aggression. I tried going faster, but I now couldn’t move over because of the jammed traffic on the lanes on both sides. There was a little room in front of me, so I stepped on the gas, and he accelerated with me, happily hitting the back of my car as we sped along, now at almost 30 mph. This dangerous game had to end, and with one hand I searched for my cell phone in my purse, as my eyes darted around to the other drivers around me, oblivious to this insane yet somewhat subtle form of vehicular assault happening right in front of them. I tried to speed faster, just so that I could get a look at his license plate, but he was so close I couldn’t see the bottom of his car in the rear view mirror. I got a couple of glimpses of it, but I was so freaked out I couldn’t focus and get the numbers and letters straight in my head besides the fact that they were reversed in the mirror. I couldn’t even identify the make and model of the car. I grabbed my phone out of the dark, cluttered recesses of my purse, and was about to dial 911 when the traffic cleared away in front of me, and I drove like hell to get away from him. His car lurched forward and stalled, and smoke billowed out of the hood. He got out and ran across the lanes of moving vehicles, angry motorists honking in vain behind him. I was almost laughing as I watched the threatening car disappear behind me in a haze of honking cars and smoke and freeway and relief.

When I got out of the car to survey the damage, there weren’t any visible marks, but it did leave a lasting impression on me that the world is not a safe place, and my level of awareness is not where it should be when it comes to personal security. I need to start watching where I am going and what I am doing, being much more careful and listening to my intuition. I should have moved out of his way at the beginning, but I was a little cocky from class, and I didn’t wish to appear ‘weak.’ I need to be able to mentally photograph license plate numbers, even reversed in the rear view mirror. This is the second time my nerves have gotten the best of me when trying to do this. I was a victim of a hit and run accident when another car swerved into me and then quickly weaved its way out of the terrible traffic we were both trapped in. I had several seconds to look at the license plate, both backwards and forwards, from close and far away, but I was so flustered I couldn’t remember what they were. I am going to practice just looking at license plates and remembering them. I need to take self defense classes, along with all my dance classes, so that I can continue dancing for a long, long time. Being careful doesn’t mean we are weak, it means we are smart and realistic about the world we live in. I take lots of precautions when I travel to other countries and yet for some reason I constantly forget that I live in one of the most dangerous places in the world. Let’s protect each other. Please send me your safety tips, and your stories and I will post them so that we can share our wisdom.

4 thoughts on “Self Defense

  1. Came across this a terribly long time after you posted it, just sort of researching female comedians for the first time for my own edification. You’re incomparably nifty.

    To the reason I’m commenting: I’ve been in a few car accidents, and I’m proud of myself for the way I can now calmly tell the driver to “jesus, stop!” or “Watch the light!” Instead of incoherent gasping or screaming or other less-comforting involuntary reactions.

    There’s a moment of sheer panic that comes from life-threatening situations, that I’m sure you’re familiar with. In the beginning, it’s uncontrollable: you *must* react. But paramedics deal with this kind of thing, too, and with enough practice, I’m sure you’ll do it.

    It might be more helpful to try and look at the license plates while you’re dancing, while your body is occupied in some way, than it would to just study them at a desk or something. But, not being an educational therapist, I’m just being intuitive.

  2. Looks like this was a very beneficial wake up call. No one should take their safety for granted.

    Being aware of your surroundings is step #1 and step #2 is always following your gut instincts.

    Another self defense tip is to mentally prepare for any situation you may find yourself in. Pick a situation and then think about how you should react. Play it over and over in your mind until you feel mentally ready. In the event the unthinkable occurs you will quickly react without panic.

    Also, I believe every woman, in particular, should have some sort of self protection product like a pepper spray or at least an electronic whistle alarm. They should know how to use the item and always have it at the ready when they are in vulnerable situations.

    Be safe, not sorry.

  3. Im glad that evil man got what was coming to him and am so sorry you had to suffer through that horrible assault. It sounds like if you were a man he would have left you alone. As a girl myself I’ve had to deal with countless similar situations – I’ve come to the conclusion that society tolerates male cruelty. I don’t understand why, and sincerely hope that all men who assault women and girls in the vast and varied ways they have will have immediate and complete changes of heart and will become good people and righteous forever. Many boys/men think they are entitled to get whatever they want, that they have the right to get, be, have, do whomever, whatever they want, just because they are male (whether or not they are aware in their minds that it is because they are male…lack of mindfulness. it is often subconscious. often, it is conscious)….i pray boys will grow up to be kind and righteous to all. As well as girls, like me. I’m 14. When you posted about your experience when you were about my age, and that you love all of us young girls no matter how big or uncute we are that made me feel good. Thank you for being one of my heroes and role models. My parents and their circle of “friends” sound a lot like your parents and their circle of “friends” – when you were my age. I believe that when children are mean to other children, when teenagers are mean to other teenagers, a lot of it has to do with hurt instilled by guess who? Adults…parents, teachers, media, society, etc. You are a nice lady. A good example for us. I love that you encourage us to be ourselves and to be good kind people to ourselves and others. Because of you I decided not to diet and instead to eat healthy and care more about my health than being skinnier because as you said, I am the future! My real friends and the people who matter will be happy I am taking care of me and am not anorexic like all the girls my age and older I know and also see in magazines and in the media – well most of them (obviously not all of them! i see you in the media!). I don’t want plastic surgery or to be one of those girls who conforms to their community or the greater mainstreams’ ideas of beauty, being sexy, and what a woman should be if she is to be powerful, like all those Maxim models, I feel sorry for them they feel they have to be like that, and porn stars, and singers, and even my mom. Apprently being a certain way is the only way to get power? Well if all you want is to be powerful I understand it means you dislike yourself but you don’t have to have that as your only goal and there are better things to be done like helping change the standards for better and helping yourself and the world love itself! I hate that stupid magazine my dad reads and it makes me sad because he makes me feel like to get his and the approval of boys at school I should look like all those fake conformist girls who are just too skinny for their height and got all kinds of plastic surgery to always look 25 and a certain way and at the same time my dad and boys and would just hate it if I turned out to be like them. Girls would too I think. I don’t understand its such insanity! Well I don’t care. My teachers say I am smart and that they’ve never had a girl do so well in Math class, I’m number one in my school and like academics. And I don’t care what people say I’m just going to be smart and nice myself. I love you and I decided…I love myself too! I won’t be mean to other people even if some adult like my parents or teachers at my school or on TV tells me submliminally or directly that I should be. All girls need to be nice to each other and help each other, and nice to the boys who deserve it. Sorry if this went on a huge side-track that has little or nothing to do with being safe – i feel safety is actually the ultimate point of my response, though. Safety: what does it mean? When are we safe? Safe from meanness, safe from direct attacks like the one you described with the car and the maniac, safe from society, “friends”, family? Ourselves? Yet we should never live in fear, right? We shouldnt have to. ITs hard when you get attacked like you did. Stay strong and I know Im just a kind but I feel I have advice for you that is valid: be smart about safety yet FEAR NOT, REFUSE TO LIVE LIFE IN FEAR. 🙂 bless you margaret!!! also I think you will LOVE this girl, Kimya Dawson, and her song.
    Lyrics:

    When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
    Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
    And I do this to remind me that I’m really, really tiny
    In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

    But it’s only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
    In a way I never thought I’d be because I’ve never been
    So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
    I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

    Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone
    Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
    Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
    Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant’s eye
    I am just a speck of dust inside a giant’s eye

    When I saw Geneviève I really liked it when she said
    What she said about the giant and the lemmings on the cliff
    She said ‘I like giants
    Especially girl giants
    Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
    Regardless of their size’

    When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
    Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
    *I’m smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
    And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole

    So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
    But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
    So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
    I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
    I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

    So I talked to Geneviève and almost cried when she said
    That the giant on the cliff wished that she was dead
    And the lemmings on the cliff wished that they were dead
    So the giant told the lemmings why they ought to live instead

    When she thought up all those reasons that they ought to live instead
    It made her reconsider all the sad thoughts in her head
    So thank you Geneviève, cause you take what is in your head
    you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends

    We all become important when we realize our goal
    Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole
    And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone
    Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
    Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

    Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant’s eye
    I am just a speck of dust inside a giant’s eye
    I am just a speck of dust inside a giant’s eye
    And I don’t wanna make her cry
    Cause I like giants

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgrB8Lv9Mig
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwhxSV8dLdA

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